THE FAMILY

The family is the most fundamental unit in the total scheme of social order in Islam. It enjoys the highest status and the most prestige. It is the fount of the human race, its culture, society and civilization. Procreation is made possible because of sexualisation and it is institutionalised in the family. Similarly the family achives the development of the individual and his transition into society.

The family is a divinely inspired institution in the sense that it came into existence with the creation of man. 'O Mankind, remain conscious of your duty to your Lord, who created you of a single soul; and, of like nature, created its mate; and from the pair of them created and spread many men and women' (al-Nisa' 4:1). A man and woman, only because they are different and yet complementary, are capable of forming the unity of family, which is essential for the fulfillment of the individual and the realization of the common good. The family is thus the cradle of the individual and the cornerstone of society.

The family is Islam cultivates and strengthens faith in One God. It preserves and communicates values and culture. It provides a stable environment for the development and fulfillment of the individual and enriches the lives of all its members, providing each the caring and sharing which he or she needs.

However, like any other social institution, the family can survive only if the roles within it are clearly differentiated and strictly followed.

As only women are capable of bearing children, even if no other differences between men and women are accepted, Islam assigns to the female the primary responsibility for home and family; while man is assigned the primary responsibility for life outside the home. Every institution needs a head and the role of head of the family and responsibility for its economic support also devolve on the male. Despite this primary division, men have the duty to share household burdens and women are not debarred from roles outside the home. And within the home, the woman shares the power and responsibilities of the head of the family, and may even become one if circumstances so require.

 

ROLES WITHIN THE FAMILY

The social roles assigned by the Shariah to man and woman within the family emanate from one simple but profound reality: the two are biologically and sexually different; only the woman can bear children. Other important psychological, physical and social differences follow from this. But even if, for the sake of argument, these other genuine difference are dismissed as having been 'socially caused', the reality of this biological and sexual difference is impossible t deny.

Obviously the role of bearing children is one that the woman can neither shirk nor transfer, unless the ear of test-tube babies is ushered in or mankind decides to extinguish itself. Sex difference, reproduction, role of differentiation, sexual morality, survival of the family, healthy child development and the health and strength of society are closely inter-linked and mutually dependent phenomena, in which sex-based role differentiation is the key to the stability of the entire system. If it is abandoned, the whole chain will snap: sexual morality will collapse, personality disorder will be rampant, anarchy and chaos will the order of the day. In short, the family will vanish.

There is no convincing case however for saying that role differentiation is socially caused; on the contrary, the cumulative weight of all evidence, whether from pre-history or history, indicates unmistakably that every society has chosen to do things the same way, even the contemporary West, which is so vociferous in professing 'equality of the sexes'. No society is on record which has ever progressed without placing woman in full charge of the home.

 

DIFFERENT BUT NOT INFERIOR

Hence the principle in the Shari'ah: the woman's place is in the home. However, it is very important to note that to be different is NOT to be inferior. Islam attaches no stigma to being a woman; there is no inferior nature, no myth of Fall and no responsibility for original sin. To bear and rear children is no disgrace either. To rule over and manage the kingdom of home - that haven of human happiness and progress - is no mean achievement. The urge to work is only natural, but work as the center of life is one product of a society which is consumption-oriented and where status depends on earning capacity. Women work today, not only through economic necessity, but because they are under other subtle pressures; accusations of wasting their talents on 'degrading' domestic chores, lack of status, boredom and isolation. In Islam, as we have already noted, the whole orientation of the individual and society is radically different. Home and children can be degrading and a burden only in a society which chooses to make them so. In Islam, domesticity is not a devalued sphere of human life, nor is home in any way inferior to public life. Indeed, the very epithet 'confined to the four walls of the home' is absurd to a Muslim, as the home in Islam, far from being a place to be looked down upon with contempt, is more important and sacred than even a parliament building or a university, and certainly more prestigious, creative and rewarding than the shop floor or secretarial desk, where two thirds of 'emancipated' women finally end up working.

What we so often forget is that God has honored women by giving them value in relation to God not in relation to men. But as Western feminism erases God from the scene, there is no standard left but men. As a result, the Western feminist is forced to find her value in relation to a man. And in so doing, she has accepted a faulty assumption. She has accepted that man is the standard, and thus a woman can never be a full human being until she becomes just like a man.

God dignifies both men and women in their distinctiveness, not their sameness. Only a woman can be a mother. And the Creator has given special privilege to a mother. The Prophet taught us that heaven lies at the feet of mothers. But no matter what a man does, he can never be a mother. So why is that not unfair?

When asked who is most deserving of our kind treatment? The Prophet replied "your mother" three times before saying "your father" only once. Isn't that sexist? No matter what a man does, he will never be able to have the status of a mother.

And yet even when God honors a woman with something uniquely feminine, they are too busy trying to find their worth in reference to men, to value it or even notice it. A Muslim woman does not need to degrade herself in this way. She has God as a standard. She has God to give her value; she doesn't need a man here.

Fifty years ago, men left the home to work in factories. Somehow, women considered it liberation to abandon the raising of another human being in order to work on a machine. Working in a factory was superior to raising the foundation of society just because a man did it. Then after working, women were expected to be superhuman, the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect homemaker, and have the perfect career. And while there is nothing wrong, by definition, with a woman having a career, they soon came to realise what they had sacrificed by blindly mimicking men. They watched as their children became strangers, and soon recognized the privilege they had given up.

Many women in the West are choosing to stay home to raise their children. According to the United States Department of Agriculture, only 31 percent of mothers with babies, and 18 percent of mothers with two or more children, are working fulltime. And of those working mothers, a survey conducted by Parenting Magazine in 2000, found that 93 percent of them say they would rather be home with their kids, but are compelled to work due to "financial obligations." These "obligations" are imposed on women by the gender sameness of the modern West and removed from women by the gender distinctiveness of Islam. It took women in the West almost a century of experimentation to realize a privilege given to Muslim women 1,400 years ago.

 EQUALITY, NOT SIMILARITY

Equality is one of those human yearnings which usually elude definitions. Its translation into roles, rules and norms has always been subjective. Unfortunately, it is being used by modern feminists as a slogan in their campaign to erase all role differentiation. It is being used, too, as a smokescreen from behind which to direct the barrage of attacks against the Shari'ah for its various provisions regarding women.

That equality is a profound human urge and a genuine human ideal is beyond doubt. What is equally true and obvious is that equality of role does not necessarily mean similarity of role. Once equality is confused with similarity, the only possible conclusion is: 'A truly equal two-sexed society is unimaginable'. Ending role differentiation is bound to have catastrophic consequences as already noted, for the interlinked phenomena of sexual morality, the family, reproduction, child-rearing, personality development and society, as is already evident in the West. Even such an apparently relatively minor phenomenon as the spread of contraceptive techniques has been profoundly instrumental in promoting extra-marital sex, changing sex values, upsetting and confusing roles, disrupting the family and devaluing child-rearing and home life. Population control may have been achieved but a glaring questing mark over the final destiny of the human race has appeared.

Islam recognizes the obvious differences between man and woman and shapes their social roles accordingly, but it lays no less emphasis on the similarity of their essential natures as human beings and on their right to equality of opportunity to find fulfillment through their roles in this world and, finally and more importantly, in the eyes of their God in the life hereafter. According to the Shari'ah, man and woman are equal as human beings and have an equal number of mutual obligations and rights. The family unit has the man as its head, for no institution can survive without a head,; but this is no way makes the woman unequal to man. She is not obligated even to take her husband's name and lose her identity. Her share in inheritance is one-half of the male share, but she is under no obligation to make any financial contribution to the maintenance of the family.

Many specific provisions of the Shari'ah regarding the rights and obligations of women, their conduct and behaviour, their dress and segregation, marriage and divorce laws and work outside the home can be better understood in this light. But, what is equally important to bear in mind is that some of the prevalent practices in the Muslim societies today, that have come into vogue as a result of centuries of decadence and stagnation (colonisation) as well as un-Islamic influences (mixing islam with culture/traditional beliefs), should not be used to understand and judge Islam.

 

(unknown source)