Bismillah,

Thank you for your post Ummziba. 

I don't understand why muslims want to pray in mixed men/women groups with strangers.  This is the issue that I disagree with.  But I congratulate the woman leader for standing up and leading, unlike me for example who just goes on discussion boards. 

Dear Muslim Women Leaders, Please don't forget to listen to people who would follow your leadership.  Otherwise, it is not leadership at all, just showmanship, or showwomanship, as you like. 

I don't want to pray beside a strange man.  Make separate aisles and more people will support you.

I don't think women leading prayer will tear the ummah apart.

Bismillah,

I miss praying beside my muslim sisters.  (Except the ones that used to stuff my hair in!) 

since when in our religion women and men are to be in the same area praying or a women have her voice raised.a womens voice is private just like a muslim covers up to fulfil the muslim religion

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

I dont really understand what is meant by mixed prayers? Are there not mosques already where men and women both praying together? Thought this was okay, as women have a separate area exclusively for themselves - behind the men.

If they are to lead a prayer for a man, their prayer is invalid.

So what is wrong with people? - may be it is all political. Hope the majority will soon hush the whole thing.

 

Nausheen wrote: Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem, Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim, I dont really understand what is meant by mixed prayers? Are there not mosques already where men and women both praying together? Thought this was okay, as women have a separate area exclusively for themselves - behind the men.

And that is what I thought too  

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

rami wrote: Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem assalamu alaikum sorry about that i pressed the wrong button, i dont know how to merge the topics again :(

i told u not to play with these things

I really admire you girls - HOW on EARTH do you put up with expressions like "general offensiveness of women�s own congregation"?

I keep thinking I find all these good things in Islam, and then I discover that God hates us. Or, at least, he allows men to hate us.

Kim... 

Bismillah,

And it's even worse when the women agree with the men.  Anyway, I didn't become a muslimah based on those types of things.  I love Islaam, the prophets, pbuthem, and the lifestyle of discipline and joy in life that I have (sometimes).  Because when Allah, SWT, created the earth, he promised his Mercy was greater than his wrath. 

There are people who are making all of these quotations who believe only in pre-established laws and allow for no new interpretations.  I am not one of them.  Thousands of years of mysogynists made up laws that I do not recognize.  (like you're going to hell for shaping your eyebrows.  Some people just don't want to think about things.  It's easier to mimic. 

 Allah, SWT, gave us brains, and we are obligated to use them. (I'm just talking to Angel.  Please don't be disrespectful because I disagree with you.  ISA the Muslims who advocate women leadership will get more respect from others.  I admire women and men leaders who stand up for what they believe and listen to their followers.

The original post for this thread got separated from the replies when it was moved.  It can be found under the same title "oh no it's spreading" with ummziba as topic starter.

Here is a follow up report published today in the Toronto Star:

From the ritual to the spiritual

RAHEEL RAZA

At the rate poison darts are soaring towards me, one would think I led a chorus line and not an Islamic prayer!

Peace, ummziba.

herjihad wrote:  Allah, SWT, gave us brains, and we are obligated to use them. (I'm just talking to Angel.  Please don't be disrespectful because I disagree with you.  ISA the Muslims who advocate women leadership will get more respect from others.  I admire women and men leaders who stand up for what they believe and listen to their followers.

Huh?

And why would I be disrespectful if I don't agree with you ?

Bismillah,

Sorry.  I put paragraphs in the wrong place.  I meant the other people reading it, not you.

herjihad wrote: Bismillah, Sorry.  I put paragraphs in the wrong place.  I meant the other people reading it, not you.

ok

herjihad wrote: I don't want to pray beside a strange man.  Make separate aisles and more people will support you.

Nobody prayed next to a strange man.  There were women on one side... married couples in the middle (so that wives only stood next to husbands or women next to brothers)... and the men on the other side.

Personally, I like what they do in Indonesia... by having a partition down the middle of the prayer hall, rather than putting women in a balcony or separate room.  That way, we really are separate but equal.  Women can still hear the khutbah, see the Imam, enjoy the nice large space... without feeling like 3rd class citizens.

Bismillah,

Thank you for the enlightening information!  That sounds great! 

We prayed at a center in Maryland years ago where they had the structure like you say they do in Indonesia.  That was much better than the balconies.  Seeing who the speakers are vitalizes our community.

rami wrote: Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem assalamu alaikum sorry about that i pressed the wrong button, i dont know how to merge the topics again :(

Bro Rami,

I am not very clear for the need of a seperate thread when  the same topic is being discussed elsewhere (in sisters' section under the topic of women led prayers. Therefore I didn't read some of the comments that are directly related to that topic. Hence I think they all should be moved there to make a unified conversation. 

Bismillah,

I think the conversation is fine where it is.

Dear Sister Ummziba,

I really don't understand who is this Raheel Raza (probably a male person) from whom you are quoting an article "From the ritual to the spiritual" and the person (probably a female) who is describing her experience of leading the Friday prayer of both men and women. Here is your post

Here is a follow up report published today in the Toronto Star: From the ritual to the spiritual RAHEEL RAZA At the rate poison darts are soaring towards me, one would think I led a chorus line and not an Islamic prayer! .............

Nevertheless, when I see this person's response through this article, unexpectedly I didn't find her/him a well educated scholar of Islam. I thought (as I heard about her) the lady who lead the Friday prayer for both men and women is a very well educated professor of Islamic studies in some university of this country. However, the person in this article is not at all seems to be closer to that lady. What is the matter? Am I missing something or what? Let me address this article as I think it to be treated like it. Kindly forgive me if you find me sarcastic in my remarks, but my purpose is to take this article logically than emotionally.

Yes indeed, the fatwas are flying (I already have one from a Saudi network based in the United States, thank you!). The GTA Muslim community, even those who profess to be liberal, are doing what has become the norm � condemning without considering, labelling without listening and judging without justice. Since the Talibanization of Pakistan, I'm well aware of stoning first and debating later.

Aren't she doing exactly here with here actions. Taking actions before debating or giving arguments. Let us see what more she has to say about this.

Let me confess where all this began. About three weeks ago when Tarek Fatah, founder of the Muslim Canadian Congress (MCC), asked me if I would lead a mixed-gender group in prayer, I said No! I wasn't ready to be part of a media frenzy.

Oh, then finally she/he did get her/himself ready for media frenzy!!!

Tarek and I have agreed to disagree on many points, but we have what I call "a dignity of difference" � a respectful exchange of ideas, which is a characteristic abysmally lacking in some parts of the Muslim community.

I don't understand here a bit. Is she/he saying that she/he has done it despite the difference in opinions with others yet not resolved? Is this a Ijtihad (a quality she/he says not prevailing since 16th century)  that she/he has referred later in this article? Where is this Ijtihad that she/he proclaimed to bring life to this concept with her/his actions? Has she/he not got her/his self frencied from the media because of her/his actions?

My husband convinced me that it would be a natural progression from giving sermons in churches, praying in synagogues and temples to lead prayer for my own community.

Wow, so here she is finally a lady. Ok. Then what is her source of knowldge? Her husband? Is this the qualification for a muslim scholar to take reference from? I thought she would present some logical arguments supporting her evidence etc, but she has indeed disappointed me.

I checked with a professor of religious studies who was an imam in Toronto. He said categorically that nowhere in the Qur'an does it specify women can't lead prayer. Also, when the Prophet Muhammad preached his message in a male-dominated society, he did not speak out for or against women leading prayer. As a matter of fact, women at that time were entrepreneurs, theologians, mystics and also participated in war. I'm extremely impressed by these female role models.

You see, what a great source of knowldge she has with her. A professor of religious studies!! Is she a sane? I think either this article is a joke or the lady herself made a joke of herself with this kind of actions.

The three men in my life (two sons and spouse) encouraged me to take this leap of faith � what more could I ask for? I've always believed God created us equal and that spirituality is not dependent on gender.

Wow, my friends, why not everyone of us start taking such an inspirational motivation from our family members and start taking such leaps based upon our own convictions without proper knowldge and without discussing them in the scholar's arena?

However, there are many people who are barred from places of worship. Some women have stopped going to the mosque because they are stuck near the bathrooms or kitchen due to their gender.

Ofcourse this is not the place where I go and pray in our mosque here in USA. So this means this act of her is not applicable here where there is no such problem? I don't agree with her justification for her action.

More important, all worship in Islam begins with a declaration of intent. My intention was not reactionary, not defiant and definitely not a show of militant feminism. It wasn't about a battle between progressive and conservative

So, here is she not getting apologetic?? Is she repenting or what?

� it was about sharing some profound thoughts with my fellow Muslims and also to help other women find a safe space to worship.

I don't agree at all with her apologies. Sharing thoughts are different than implementing thoughts without giving much thought to them. This is not a way sane people share their thoughts. And what 'safe space' to worship is she alluding to that she is claiming to provide to the women? Isn't she providing exactly opposite to that?

April 22 was Earth Day, and after moving the venue twice (because so-called liberal and culturally progressive centres refused to have a woman lead prayer), a backyard in Cabbagetown became the sanctuary. A motley crowd of about 40 people from as far as Oakville and Pickering came to join in this historic Friday prayer, among them an imam, women in hijab and diverse Muslims from various backgrounds.

I think she is more obsessed in creating a historic event than pleasing Allah. Otherwise, she would have done her real home work before taking actions.

There was no security guard posted at the door to check ID credentials or people's intentions since I don't believe that is our mission in life. I am responsible only for my conscience and answerable only to God. This event also was an attempt to break the domination of a few misguided bigots who try to reduce God to a policeman.

Where is here evidence? All I am interested is in her evidence to support her view? In the absence of all this, she is working on her emotions rather than mind and wisdom. 

Although physically I led the prayer by standing in front and reading the sermon before the prayer, we all were bound by our united submission to God. I felt we were truly blessed.

A very sentimental condition especially once she is profoundly concious of her creating a historic kind of a moment. However, I know only Allah knows the best if our prayers are getting accepted or not. How does she get her feelings about blessness? Only she would tell us.

Why? Because the brave men and women who chose to stand behind me and pray empowered me with a responsibility that made my own prayer more poignant and meaningful. It allowed me to move away from the ritual to the spiritual and actually hear and understand myself better than I ever have.

She means to say going against the common beleifs of Islam without giving any thought or logic to it is bravery? What shall I call this other than opposite of wisdom?

At the end of the prayer, some of the non-Muslim observers had tears in their eyes and were touched to the core. Some participants told me they had not prayed in years and were thrilled to come back into the fold.

Is this the certifcate of acheivement? So then all those non-muslims became muslims? Was the purpose of such prayer to please Allah or to these people?

As for the critics, let me try and understand where their problem lies. Our message was one of tolerance, peace, spiritual equality, compassion and love of Allah and His Prophet. Obviously that is not the message coming from mosques that base their sermons on negating others.

Oh, really? I thought she would give some scholarly account of her oppositions views and then logically defend them as a great and wise scholars usually does it. But alas, all she has it is a sentimental apologetic stories.

While this service was not the ultimate move for reclaiming our place in Islam, it's a fact that our faith is frozen in time. Dialogue and debate, also known as ijtehad � an important cornerstone of Islam � have been deemed an unnecessary evil and stopped since the 16th century.

So where is her dialogue and debate on this issue prior to her actions? She has been fooled by her own obsessions towards creating historic events.

So the hope is that events like this one will open the doors to that much needed discourse and put us on the path to enlightenment together as men and women in faith.

Well, here I think its herself who has opted to close the door than opening it for a dialogue and logical arguments to understand our problems and issues. I think we should first discuss and then act and not the vice versa as she is recommending it.

Raheel Raza is a media consultant and freelance writer.

I really couldn't understand who is Raheel Raza and what is his link with the lady who is talking about in this article. Was it an interview or what?

In the end I would say that we should look at this article more objectively than merely from sentimental stand point of view. Through out this article no arguments are given and heavily relied on provoking the sentiments of the people. I may never scumb to this kind of approach in looking at our religious issues. Rest Allah knows the best.

Bismillah,

I like this article, and this woman's intentions as represented here.  Waiting for Muslim men in America to take action on women's problems is an issue solved by time.  If a woman is being beaten, eventually while the Muslim men are discussing what to do, she will suffer for years, get beaten down so much she stops complaining to the community and they think that everything is okay, die, leave him because some individuals helped her rather than the masjid community.

Our area for prayers was next to the dirty bathroom.  We had a high curtain so that we couldn't see the Imam or know what our Muslim brothers looked like unless we saw them at the 7-11.  We were not allowed to contribuite to any community discussion.  And when we had problems, they had to be passed through approved brothers to be heard, and then usually discussed to death or ignored.

The sisters need to be on the boards of the masjids.  We need to know who our community members are.  We need to see the Khutbahs. And women need to give lectures and lead prayers when we are grouped together.  Women need to take action and be leaders.  It's easy to be sarcastic from the sidelines critisizing leaders actions.  Leaders will make mistakes; they just need to learn from them to be good leaders. They need to listen to us, those of us who aren't just hate-mongering.

Please don't take my post apart point by point repasting it.  Everybody can see it, so why repaste it?  I don't want to discuss this with you because you are adamantly opposed to thinking and leading by women.  This is a response that needed to be made. (Don't you know how much Muslim women suffer in America and are told by the people sitting comfortably discussing things to be patient and wait for heaven's reward.  Community action needs to be revitalized.  Kudos to the leaders!

Assalamu alaikum,

Brother Ahmad, Raheel Raza is the woman who led the prayers, she is writing the article about herself.  She was obviously influenced by Tarek Fatah and his secular ideas, something he often propounds in the Canadian media.  I'm sure he saw the spectacle in the United States and saw an opportunity to get more media in Canada by staging a similar event.  Allah only knows!

Sister Herjihad, I can't speak for Brother Ahmad, but perhaps two different issues are being strangled together here.  He obviously does not believe women should lead mixed prayers, and I agree with him on that completely.  Women leaders in Islam is another issue entirely.

Women being leaders in Islam is something very badly needed, but not as leaders of mixed prayer.  I agree with you that women need to be involved in their masjid and their community as equal partners with the men.  And women most certainly need to become leaders to help other women who are oppressed or beaten or abused and so on.  But these issues don't have anything to do with leading mixed prayer.

Please, Sister, we women must absolutely act in order to help each other, but the actions we need to take do not include leading mixed prayer.  Do you see the difference in the two issues?  Leading mixed prayer will never help other women in any way at all.  Being a community leader and helping make changes in women's lives most certainly will.

Peace, ummziba.

Bismillah,

Dear Sister-in-Islaam, Umzziba,

Yes, I do see the difference.  I disagree with having men and women stand directly beside each other in prayer if they are not family.  I have no opinion, sorry to inform you, of women leading men in prayers. 

However, it seems to me that women who are willing to put themselves in such difficult postions, as these women have, deserve to be called leaders, and are leaders.  Unlike me, who can only discuss things on a forum. 

If I were to chance to lead in some way, which is doubtful in this decade, but maybe next decade I'll improve in my willingness to publicly make a difference, I would like people to contribute meaningful analyses of my leadership, rather than picking me apart for every detail I did wrong.

These sisters are Muslimah and are the closest thing to female leadership I have seen.  They have my support until the day I would find out definitively that they are not interested in listening and aiding us in our daily difficulties.

When women in our masjid chanced to speak out, they were slowly and sytematically punished in many ways:  Public announcements against them, quiet whisperings and gossip, she was denied a key to the masjid and on and on.

Maybe when sisters like these are rejected, they get more polarized and furhter away from ideas that will genuinely help our communities.  Again, I reiterate my support for Muslimahs who lead our communities.

assalam alikum i totally agree with ummzibba u have the right veiw. women want to be heard and have rights.just make sure what you are fighting for is understood.mixed prayer is changing the islamic laws between man and women but women standing up for themselves against discrimination and become equal in the household and in the work place is something different.

My Dear Sisters and brothers in Islam,

I must admit that women in Islam are not given the status by their men that Islam offers them. It has to do with our own social and cultural influences superceeding the teachings of Quran and Sunnah. This situation is worst in so called Islamic countries than in America or Canada, simply because the civil crimes are more emphatically persued and justice implemented in USA and probably in Canada as well, than in most of the Islamic countries. However, beside this, the problem lies in our own apathy towards making a truely vibrant Islamic community. It needs not only financial resoureces, but more important, selfless devotion with persistence. Our involvement with our own respective Islamic community centers and what do we expect to achieve through them, must be clearly understood. Since, I am not very clear on this and therefore, would like to hear from all of you as what should be done at the community level. Should I expect the community to make arrests of a husband beating wife or what? Should I expect such a person bared from attending the center or what measures should be taken to punish such a person keeping in view the limitations of such community centers. To address such issues especially in countries like USA or Canada, where there are well established Islamic centers exists, we should discuss them here in this forum to obtain a meaningfull outcome. I mean what is lacking other than our own will, that such issues especially concerning women maltreatment etc may be more appropriately be addressed? Women leading men in prayer is just a simplistic solution than being simple. Are our men lacking social/moral sense, and hence need education? Does our women lack courage to report such incidents to police, hence at a community level we need their education? What else do we expect the community as a whole to do to achieve the balance of life between muslim men and women? I think question like these needs to be discussed more frequently and then collectively finding the solution, a viable solution that is implementable as well. Let us see how we come up with such discussions.  

Assalamu alaikum,

An excellent post, brother Ahmad.  This is such a huge problem.  We do need to discuss solutions and not just re-hash the problems.  If all Muslim men and all Muslim women lived Islam in the way Allah intended, there would not be problems such as these.  But, we are humans, and Allah created humans weak.  So, what to do?

Men and women must learn to respect each other and cherish one another as unique individuals.  It has to become alright to have differing points of view or different solutions to problems without being "cut off" from the community or gossiped about or made to feel bad.  We need to learn the art of compromise.  We need to learn to really listen.

Men need to be better at reminding one another about following Islam correctly.  It is not alright to ignore the fact that the imam is drinking alcohol.  It is not alright to ignore the fact that a brother beats his wife.  It is not alright to laugh or join in when brothers are saying things that diminish women.

Women need to be better at helping each other to follow Islam correctly.  It is not alright to let the community treat you badly when you point out something that needs correcting.  It is not alright to do nothing about the fact that a sister you know is abused.  It is not alright to laugh or join in when sisters are saying things that diminish men.

We need to learn to stand up for what is right - regardless of the consequences.  We need to learn to stand up for each other in selfless and helpful ways.  We need to remember that as long as another Muslim is abused, or hungry, or homeless, or in need of help in any way - it is our failure.

Brother Ahmad, I do hope that your post starts a long line of posts with good, viable solutions to discuss.  We all certainly need to quite griping and in-fighting and learn to stand together to help the ummah.

May Allah guide us all to the straight path.

Peace, ummziba.

Bismillah,

I agree with Ummziba that these are productive posts by Ahmad and Abuaysha.  Abuaysha, I agree with your point about the misunderstanding of non-resident scholars for our issues in America.  Even the ones who have come here will take quite some time to figure out what our situations need.

I believe hardened hearts and judgmentalism separate us more than a 10 minute drive to visit one another.  The rules from other countries can apply here in terms of social interaction, but that leaves a lot of people with no one to interact with. 

We need to treat each other like close family.  Visit each other frequently.  Be nice and helpful.  Take chances and interact with people who intimidate you or seem strange.  Then we can be like family and get mad at each other and help each other.

If my son misbehaves, I do try to think of the best way to let him know that his behavior is not acceptable.  The men at the mosque could just let the people who are violent, abusive, intolerant, smelly, late, whatever, that they don't like it.  And offer real solutions to the brother's dilemma.  And forgive each other.  But while you're forigiving, don't forget the women and children who need real help much more quickly than we are getting it now.

I know the men are afraid to appear to be interested in the women and to check on us.  But who is going to do it?  Take your wife with you, and go visit and find out what the women who you've heard are hungry, lonely, beaten, sick need.

I need help from our mosque, but they won't do it.  They are too embarrased to deal with the situation.  It is my family's problem.  It is our fault because of this and that, whatever.  I asked the sheikh and a couple of brothers for help, and they gave some promises of future help, years ago, and pathetic excuses. (He's so sensitive.  He'll get mad at me if I talk to him about it.)

So the entire burden is on me.  And ISA Allah, SWT, will help and guide us. 

I Know this forum can do nothing for my situation, but I thought putting reality into the discussion might make other brothers in other mosques wake up.  Do something.  Don't be so shy of your fellow brother's feelings when his family, which includes his kids who are your brothers in Islaam also, is being devastated.

You talked about the core people at the mosque who are willing to do the work.  Those core people shut me out and many others because they like the power more than they mind the work.  We are not slaves to clean the toilets while they sit in meetings making important decisions for the community.  These people have thrown out and shut out so many families because they didn't like them.  And if the door is locked, give us a key!  Lock the computer room if you like, but locking the masjid without giving all non-criminals keys, is wrong.  I have wanted to pray many times while on the side of town where the mosque was, and it was locked.

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah

To my understanding, for any society to build strong and successful, the real efforts should come from the level of individual homes. This is so, because a society is made up of homes. Households are the building blocks of a community.

To build a healthy household every man and woman/ husband and wife must learn and understand the rights and responsibilities of marriage from an islamic stand point. Women of today are educated, they have better exposure to the world, and a better understanding of their worth. However, in this process what has slipped away is the worth and value of a husband in her life. Allah has said that if He would have accepted sujud from any human being to another, it would have been of a wife to her husband. Unfortunately, today there are many sisters who do not know this hadith, and many who will stumble over this and similar to "question" according to their own perception of matters. What we need is to "understand" the wisdom instead, from the perspective that has been presented to us in Islam.

Respect comes from love. True love comes through the love of Allah. Thus one must understand what is the will and sanction of Allah between a man and wife, in order to love and respect in the real sense.  Parents who are good to eachother, finally achieve raising good children, thus building a strong society.

Rabban hablana min adhwajina wa zurriyatina, qurratan ayuniyun, wajalna lil muttaqeena imaama...

"Our Lord! Grant unto us spouce and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

Assalamu alaikum,

Yes, I agree sister Nausheen.  Many wives fail to appreciate all their husbands do for them, and many husbands also fail to appreciate all their wives do for them.

That being said, the sad reality is that many brothers have wives who are a real trial to them and many, many, many sisters have husbands that are a real trial to them as well.

It is a sad fact that many of our sisters are sexually, physically and emotionally abused by their husbands.  It is also a sad fact that this behavior is mostly ignored by the ummah.  The men are not being told by the brothers that it is wrong and are not getting any help or support to change their behavior.

The sisters are not being educated, supported and helped to find solutions to their miserable conditions.  Many of our sisters suffer in silence (as do some brothers).  Many of our sisters struggle to raise children in the most despicable of conditions.

Yes, a good society most definitely starts at home.  But, if that home is filled with abuse or poverty or terribly 'unIslamic' conditions how can it contribute to the good of society as a whole?  It is up to the greater society to be aware of the conditions some are living in and to do something about it.

How many masjids/Islamic centers offer courses to help young men learn how to be good husbands?  How many masjids/Islamic centers offer courses to help young girls learn to be good wives?  Leaving this kind of learning up to the family alone does no good to the one growing up in a disfunctional family.

As a community we need to be aware of these problems, but, most importantly, we need to act upon them to improve the lives of our members.  There is a verse in the Qur'an that says something to the effect - 'your spouses and children shall be a trial to you'.  For some, this is certainly their reality.  No one should expect a spouse to be very grateful to someone who abuses them.  We should all expect to get help from our community to help improve the situation.

Peace, ummziba.

Bismillah,

I know this hadith.  I do not accept it.  It doesn't sound right to put anyone next to Allah.  That "if" wording is just semantics, word play.  Women must not worship their husbands.  Sisters, do you guys think that because your husbands are good muslims and follow Islaam that most of them are?  I am too shy to say the repulsive things some husbands do. 

I prefer the Quran which says that men and women are equal in piety before Allah, SWT.  Every woman must think Islamically and decide what is correct, and not follow the whims of her husband.  We also are not made to be slaves to other people.  We are servants of Allah, SWT, who is always fair, just, kind, loving and merciful.  Let's pray and remember Allah, SWT, to help us and guide us always, ISA.

I think our expectations are too high than our commitments to our Islamic centers. I certainly don't know about christian churches etc, however, in our islamic centers, there are no trained Islamic phycologists who could mitigate the issues between two human beings. All is done through elders guiding the youngers through mutual cooperation. I really feel this to be inadequate way of dealing with the problems, especially once it comes to an issue between a husband and wife. The problem is more aggrevated because of no formal method of providing education (about interrelationship between husband and wife) to our young ones. The most prevalent method among them is through peer to peer gossips, which again is full of myths and distortions than anything else. Very few parents, (I would say less than 1%) talk to their childern about this issue (even when they come to their marriageable age). After marriage, this education becomes a non-issue and they learnt through the hard way of life. I don't know if there are any good books on the issue by Islamic scholars etc. Now coming to the problems/issues of our islamic centers, I fully agree with sis herjihad especially once she mentions it and I quote

herjihad wrote: You talked about the core people at the mosque who are willing to do the work.  Those core people shut me out and many others because they like the power more than they mind the work.  We are not slaves to clean the toilets while they sit in meetings making important decisions for the community.  These people have thrown out and shut out so many families because they didn't like them.  And if the door is locked, give us a key!  Lock the computer room if you like, but locking the masjid without giving all non-criminals keys, is wrong.  I have wanted to pray many times while on the side of town where the mosque was, and it was locked.

I think, this need more effort by all of us in our respective centers to keep out these 'Core' people of limited vision to their limits and not let them feel unchallanged. Our efforts and only our sincere and concerted efforts to reform these centers shall be the success of the community whose fruit may we not eat but our children. Every opportunity must be availed to raise our democratic voices for our "right to know" where ever decisions are made. Every issue must be debated upon openly through logical reasoning with evidences. All the accounts of the center must be made transperant to its members and accountability of these accounts must be implemented through annual audit. Though the list of such measures is long, but the first step is what we are lacking now. After our first step, I hope the vehicle shall pick up its own momentum for the right direction. Inshallah.