Sisters,

I'd like your opinions. I have 5 daughters who are still very young but I worry about them finding good husbands. There is a widely held belief out there that there are no good men left, all the good men are married, no man wants to take care of a family anymore, etc. Do you believe this is true or are people just exaggerating?

One must first discern for oneself what entails goodness in a man or a woman.

It is recommended through sunnah of the prophet (saw) to marry one's  daughters to a man of taqwa, for if he does not like her, he will still treat her with kindness.

The times have not yet come insha allah where men having taqwa and khashiya of allah cease to exist.

Train your daughters to be pious muslimas and pray to allah that He sends for them good believing men who would treat them as one should in Islam.

interesting topic

lady i like the way u put it by saying that most things cannot happen unless people tolerate it. i never thought about it that way before. in deed your post has now given me food for thought

as to whether there are any good men still around, i guess thats a question of opinion cos everyone has different expectations n different levels of understanding. what appears to me to be a great man could by some elses standards be the worse man ever. so it all boils down to the individual. thats my view

Lady, I agree with you 100%

NS

I used to think all Muslim men were good and I was safe marrying within my religion. Don't get me wrong, I'll never marry a kafr. But now, after reading all the "horror" (for lack of words) stories, I'm seriously considering signing a prenupual when I do get married. Quite frankly, I'm scared

salaam.

Insha'allah your daughters will be good women and Allah will bless them to find good husbands.  How are things in Gambia?   Are the men hard-working and religious?  What about the unemployment rate in Gambia?  Are you planning to send your daughters abroad for study when they're older?

There are as many mothers of young men who are wondering if there will be "good muslim men" for their sons.

NS

hahahaha rookaiya that was funny.

salaams.

rookaiya wrote: u used to be around. what happen to u then? y arent u around no more? who killed all the good men ?

LOL!!!!!!!

 Things in the Gambia are progressing. Alhamdulillah the president is a man who believes in progress and is trying his best to develop the country. The unemployment rate is still at a scary level but businesses are popping up everywhere. Most are not owned by Gambians but it's still encouraging to see. I don't plan to send my girls abroad for studies. (in answer to Abuayisha's question)

Thanks to everyone who's replied. Some of the worry has been lifted. Some.

taliyya u reiterate that some of the worry is lifted. i dont mean to pry but it seems that u have more concerns than u letting on. i sense that through your many posts.

but then again, im an emotional wreck myself n could be so wrong. Maaf if i have spoken out of line, just saying what i feel and see.

rookaiya wrote: u used to be around. what happen to u then? y arent u around no more? who killed all the good men ?

The structural changes on mu'minahs killed us,we made our marriage with the promise of Allah at the other world,we are waiting the wedding day...

You look around if you can see,you will only see the mirror reflections of your mentalities so far away from the teachings of Islam...you are all suffering from yours....

taliyya wrote: Concerning this issue, I do have more concerns. You see, my family have made a Hijrah here from the U.S. My husband doesn't want his daughters marrying anyone who will take them back to lands ruled by the kufar. He says this will be one of the conditions. So if it's hard enough to get a husband how much harder will it be with this condition there? It narrows the prospects down considerably I think. Do you understand?

Is Gambia a muslim country?

People have many desires about who their kids should marry. These desires change in different phases of their life. By the time your daughters are ready to be married, maybe your husband will have a different opinion. I can also read some kind of attachment here, maybe he would be happier if the duaghters lived close by.

I was born in India, I met my husband when I was studying in canada, he was from US. We got married in Canada, had the kids in US and now we are in Saudi Arabia. We might move to Kuwait soon!

My parents always wanted me to settle down in my hometown, I cannot number the proposals my father refused from men who lived in Saudi Arabia because he wanted me to live close to him. The US was out of question because that meant a 22 hour flight away from home. But everything is working out alhamdulillah and everyone is happy.

I understand your husbands views narrow the prospects, but hey, you need just one right one. This right guy may be one out of 100 or one out of 10, does not matter what the ratio is.

NS

 Yes, Gambia is a muslim country.

 The problem of distance is an issue to my husband but it's mainly about the girls living in a Muslim country. He feels it's his duty as a father who made Hijrah to make sure his children don't go back and live in the land of the Kuffar.

 I was telling him that once he marries them off, he's not responsible for what their husbands do. But he still feels he has to do as much as he can to make sure they never go back.

 But you're right about time changing people's minds. Who knows where his mind set will be 10 years from now.

most of my neighbors are jews, very nice people. And no I do not call them kufars, i call my neighbors by their names, but that doesn't mean they are not kuffars. by the way jenni, do you know the meaning of the word kuffars?

salaam.

A Kafir is a person who disbelieves in the oneness of Allah. Um, I think Christians believe Jesus is God. That would make them Kuffar. Jews do not believe in Allah. That makes them Kuffar as well. Sorry, but the United Sates is a country ruled by people who disbelieve in Allah and fight Muslims. The same goes for many other Western countries.

A mushrik is the term given to polytheists, pagans, and idolaters. Kuffar is a blanket term that describes any disbeliever. In surah Bayinnah verse 6 Allah says, Verily, those who disbelieve from among the people of the Scripture and the Mushrikeen (plural of Mushrik) will abide in the fire of hell. They are the worst of creatures.

Clearly this ayah states that the people of the book are Kuffar if they disbelieve in Allah and what his Messenger brought as Allah taaala states elsewhere in Surah Al-Imran, verse 85, And whoever seeks a religion other thatn Islam, it will never be accepted from him and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers.

 I hope these verses from the Quran clear up the issue about what Kafir means.

Thank you very much sister taliyya...

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

I dont know why but i have different view about this, i think practising brothers in west are more knowledgeable mashaAllah. In islamic countries people are taught religious matters and it does come as second nature to them but most of times there is no awareness about true purpose behind those acts. No disrespect to any brother in islamic country but im talking about majority of times. In west you have to learn the deen and implement it and it requires alot of struggle because there are so many attractions to go stray. So you keep on your toes all the time, you are mindfull and alhamdulillah its beautifull.

I saw a brother giving some coins to a lady on counter to pay for something and it was beautifull seeing him try to avoid touching her hand. So alhamdulillah there are good muslims around

wassalam

assalamu alaikum

dear mom why are you worrying when almighty is overwatching us.

whoever be the person, should be a muslim and good at heartmay god bless you for that.

Salaamu Alaykum,

Dear Sister,

I don't think we should worry about our kids, but we should plan as well as we can with the help of Allah, SWT, as Sister Hayfa suggested.  I have boys too and I know that Allah, SWT, will provide because he is Al-Razzaq.  I hope and pray for all of my children that they find someone suitable to their faith and their personalities, ISA.

salaam sisters (and brothers lol)

Just like to say that there are good decent muslim men around... it all depends on how they were/are brought up by their parents and families,  etc... 

I know its not good to brag about oneself (I heard this lastnite after tarawih prayer).. but the way I, my brothers and sisters and ALL my cousins have been brought up, in such a kind, informative, practising and Islamic way,  has made me and the rest of my family good ppl who know the rights and wrongs in Islam.  we know and show respect to our elders and especially to ALLAH -SWT-.. yes some of us may not be Hafiz, Aalims or Aalimas (but most in are family are), but we do try and do all the Sunnahs of THE PROPHET -PBUH- and pray 5 times a day...  also I think because of the way we have been brought up (which I think is because of our grandfather, who kept our parents strong, and intouch with Islam when they migrated here from Asia/Africa back in the 50's), that has rubbed off on us and is now rubbing off on the next generation (my nephews and neices), most of whom are already doing Quran Hafiz at an early age...  Also because of the way we have been taught to LOVE Islam, ALLAH -SWT- and PROPHET MUHAMMAD -SAW-, in our family (my cousins n relatives etc), we ONLY and MOSTLY only go on holiday to the Prophets Mosque and to the Holy KA'BA...  even this year my grandma and a few cousins are doing Ramadhan there... Its THE only place for us.

An saying that I would just like to share, that the way me and my bros and sisters n couzins behave, has actualy made our family very respectful to others, and a lot of other families want to marry in to ours because they know what we are like etc and they know the next generation will be taught well, and INSHALLAH they will ameen...

Sorry brothers and Sisters, I do not wish to brag... I just want others to be able to know how we were brought up, and how that has made us into decent enough ppl..

so to finish, I would just like to say, their must be many other families like mine, which would mean there ARE still good men around. and INSHALLAH there will be more in the future.

INSHALLAH hope and pray you single sisters find those good brothers, and mothers INSHALLAH hope and pray you find the good ones for your daughters. Ameen

I'm not married yet beacuse its kinda difficult for our family to find good women, so please make dua for me... you know what make dua for all the Muslim Ummah here now, and the ones to come in the future to be good muslims, so its easy for us all and so we dont have to worry, as long as they are good muslims, should be enough, and INSHALLAH MAY ALLAH -SWT- guide and help us, and keep us on the right path. AMEEN

W.SALAAM

PS I shouldnt even be here on the sisters section.... gone lol

fatima wrote: Bismillah irrahman irrahim Assalamu alaikum I dont know why but i have different view about this, i think practising brothers in west are more knowledgeable mashaAllah. In islamic countries people are taught religious matters and it does come as second nature to them but most of times there is no awareness about true purpose behind those acts. No disrespect to any brother in islamic country but im talking about majority of times. In west you have to learn the deen and implement it and it requires alot of struggle because there are so many attractions to go stray. So you keep on your toes all the time, you are mindfull and alhamdulillah its beautifull. I saw a brother giving some coins to a lady on counter to pay for something and it was beautifull seeing him try to avoid touching her hand. So alhamdulillah there are good muslims around wassalam

I do not understand the background behind your opinion.

I have lived in the east and the west for considerable periods of time. I feel that there are some qualities in people that are not restricted by nationality, race, culture, upbringing, or other factors. These qualities are being moral vs being immoral, having a sense of responsibility vs not having the sense of such, the list goes on. The level of religiosity is one of the factors.

I cannot judge or even venture to guess if some people in a particular place are more or less Islamic than the others.

You are moved by seeing a man trying not to touch the hand of a lady. Well, in some countries, it is the norm to be very deferent towards women. In Saudi Arabia, if there is a woman in the elevator, a man will not enter it. For exchange of money, there is not hand to hand exchange, the money is placed on the counter or put in the bag with other purchases. Most men turn their gaze after the first glance. When I moved here, I was surprised to see that even when you ask someone a question, they look at the floor or someplace else while they answer you. This is the everyday occurrences with normal people. There are many who are more practicing and I imagine how they conduct themselves. However as with all places, there are some that are not practicing as you will find in any other place too.

You are also saying that in the west there are more attractions? Except in Saudi Arabia, no other Islamic country has enforced the black abaya or headcovering for women. In many traditional cultures, there is a segregation of sexes at a very early age. Because of Satellite TV and the Internet there is hardly any gap in the entertainment section between the east and west.

But can you imagine a man who has not been in close contact or even in the same room with a woman other than his mother/sister/aunt. And a man who has interacted with women( though it may be in a very courteous and halal way) The first man is more susceptible to shaitan than the one who has been desensitized because he has lived this way and grown out of it�.I hope I am able to convey what I think.

You have been careful to use the word �mostly� and �majority of times� and even said �no offence� but really your statement is biased and it reflects a �holier than thou� attitude.

I see that you are a moderator and this makes it even more disappointing.

Najamsahar

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

There is this saying which i love that restrictions or shortcomings of humans tells us about the Most Mighty and The Most Able. I am sorry if you think my comments were in a negative attitude and i am sorry to whoever felt this way, but they are just my views. The area that i have been brought up almost has no practising muslims, again im being vague because there are only handfull people in a whole town. Then when i went to university, alhamdulillah it had people as you described people you see in saudi arabia, keeping their gazes lower and rest of it. I have also been to pakistan and seen people there, there is no concept of lowering the gaze, you get stared till you are in sight of those poeple. Places like islamabad and big cities, it is a different world of competing in being 'modern'.

My friend got married to a brother from pakistan, regular in prayer and all the other faraid. The other day i was trying to convince her to start praying and inshaAllah Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will make it easy for her. She said to me that its really hard to find time and her husband who was regular in prayer, even he cant find time. Thats is what I have seen a norm here, people coming from back home and changing, i think an act of conviction does not crumble like this.

But again these are my views, So i was just sharing my opinion and my experience. Even the great scholars had different views and it dont make the other person wrong and there is saying of Ali (ra) that sharing the view of every kind and being popular among every1 alike is characteristic of a hypocrite. So alhamdulillah we can disagree.

wassalam

In my view Fatima, your chance to meet pious people from traditional muslim lands has been small, thus your observation is from statistically a small set of people.

I have seen muslims here from so many middle eastern, indian subcontinet, and south east asian countries.

We have Japanese sisters who are married to Pakistani, Egyptian,and Jordanian brothers, and they are practicing muslimas, then we have american "girl friends" of some muslim brothers.

We see people with all shades and levels of adherence to Islam. My general observation is most of the Bangladeshis here have a kind of moderate attachment to the deen. As for pakistanis, there are people who have beard, pyjamas above ankles, and others who would even wear a tie. There have been brothers from pakistan who would begin their day with the recitation of one complete juz of the quran, while others who may not be praying regularly except the jumua. .. So we cannot generalise as to what the case may be in Pakistan. It could be that the public coming to the west is more casual with their deen, however in the country itself things must be different.

Times are changing very fast in India and pakistan. Thanks to the media blitz and cable networks for an entire catalogue of TV channels. It is almost impossible to talk people into dumping the idiot box, but it is doing more harm than good in any part of the world. However, it is again pakistan that has a 24 hour islamic channel on their TV - The Q-TV of Pakistan claims to be the only channel running round the clock presenting programs on deen alone. Its quality is really alhamdullillah.  - I dont know about the TV in Saudia.

The contrast in choices of people is such that there are muslim reverts who have moved out of the west (to traditional muslim lands), because they think the temptation in their home countries is large, and chances for one to fall in fitna are greater. Then on the other hand we can find people from so many muslim countries wanting to move to Canada, Australia, US and Europe. It could be more likely that the people who are moving out and those who are moving in to US are different.

If you care to visit Jordan or Syria or Yemen, you will find the general public more traditionally islamic than in the US. I can name islamic scholars from US and Canada, who have chosen to live in these countries.

So, sis, sometimes our view of facts can be telescopic, not allowing us to see the entire canvas  

It is great that many reverts have serious adherence to Islam. Alhamdulillah, and allahu akbar to that!

However you don't have to go too far to find reverts (from US) who challenge Islam with all kinds of bizzare ideas - we have seen many on Islamicity discussion boards itself.

whats a good muslim man

different people look for different qualities and whats good for u may not be good for me. its all about preference and priority. who are we to judge whats good and what isnt good

people can pretend to be good in the public eye, yet they are tyrants at home and we are none the wiser of their character.

its only when u start to live with a person that their true nature and character surfaces and often by then its too late cos u already probably married to the guy

Good post Ummtaaha..

as you say, all kinds of people everywhere. Good we have a variety for the different types of people.

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

Yeah i think sometime i do take my world as the whole world . But i was talking about the Practising Brothers in UK but again my world

Wassalam