Wanting to know more about...
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Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: Islam for non-Muslims
Forum Description: Non-Muslims can ask questions about Islam, discussion for the purpose of learning.
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7237
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Topic: Wanting to know more about...
Posted By: ConfusedKaren
Subject: Wanting to know more about...
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 6:31pm
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the relationship I'm currently in and what to do with all conflicts that arise and my significant other using Islam to justify his actions.
I have been dating this man for about 4 years now, at first everything was great but now I feel that the relationship is becomeing unhealthy and filled with lies.
Story of my life:
Recently we been having problems because I feel that he is talking to his 17 year old niece a little too much and the conversations are a bit inapporiate (niece is his older sister's daughter). I started to express my concern to him about the relationship that he was engaging with his niece when the niece told a couple of her highschool friends that a girl (me) was messing with her man (her uncle). She didn't tell them that the man she was referring to was her uncle. Her friends called me and harrassed me and told me to stop "messing with her man." Red flags in the air. I started to doubt Islam and what Islam really preaches because I believe it taught nothing but killing "kafirs and having illict relationships with sisters and other females in the family." Anyhow, they would talk from 6 am to about 2 am almost on a dialy basis and they would text about 500 messages a day. Which I believe to be outrageous! Soon he started to delete his messages and use other phones to call her. One night while taking out the garbage I overheard him yelling at her for being mad at him for visiting his dad's house, which I thought was ridiculous because I thought that was his niece and nothing more. There were incidents where she called me telling me she hasn't started her menstraul cycle, which I asked her is she trying to imply something. She stated,no. A few months later her brother called me telling me that he saw his uncle go into his sister's room and when he went in, unannouced, his uncle was buttoning up his shirt and the sister was hidden under the comforter. This really disgust me. Here I'm thinking this guy is so sweet, religious, he doesn't drink or smoke I only wish the Christians at my church were like him. Anyhow, my question is "is this kind of relationship NORMAL?" If not what can I do who can I talk to to get over this mess? Thanks for reading and your comments are most welcomed. ------------- !@!KaReN!@! |
Replies:
Posted By: MOCKBA
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 8:13pm
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Bismillah It is not 'normal' to have a non-marital relationship in the first place, in the view of Islam... Committing this sin leads to greater sins of which your personal experience tells us. The best is to leave the mess... and deeds that are sinful.
------------- MOCKBA |
Posted By: UmmTaaha
Date Posted: 18 October 2006 at 9:00pm
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Karen, If this girl is his real sister's daughter then this man is commiting two serious sins. 1. he is having a relationship outside marriage - and wallhualam to what extent. 2. He is having this kind of relationship with a woman whom he is not allowed to marry. Islam does not preach any of what this man is into. Men of taqwa do not even approach women in the first place, unless the need is unavoidable, and when they do so, they observe all proprieties. In anycase this is not just not normal, it is an enormity (if the girl is his real neice). You should end your relationship with this man immediately, since he is not worth it. If you want, it is purely upto you, but if you want, I think the best thing would be to inform this girl's mother about it. Whatever you do, just stop communicating with him, and end all kinds of contacts.
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Posted By: ConfusedKaren
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:13am
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I was told that as long as I am a "person from the bible, Christian, Jews, Catholics, that the relationship is premissable. Secondly, telling the girls mother, I stop trying after she told me that nothing is going on. I have heard rumors that one of the sisters was molested by one of the sister's husband's father, and I'm under the impression this family is dysfunctional and they allow such things to take place. I only wish I can confront them but they aren't educated, so it's hard to make the families see things. Anyhow, I now know where the path lies for me. Thanks for your opinions. ------------- !@!KaReN!@! |
Posted By: UmmTaaha
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:30am
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There is one correction here though. A man is allowed to marry a woman from among the people of the book, however he is not allowed to have a "relationship" per se. What is meant here is - islam does not allow free mixing of people from opposite genders. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, comforting etc is not permissible in islam unless one is related to the person either by blood or marriage - and there are rules as to who falls in this catergory.
Hopefully this observation has come after a closer analysis, and you see Islam in a better light. You are welcome to seek opinions. Please make sure that you do not overgeneralize specific encounters with people who profess to be muslims.
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ConfusedKaren wrote:Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 1:53am
In United States this would be a case of STATUTORY RAPE beside other religious counts to which these animals are totally oblivious to. This so called friend of yours belongs in slammer; if you have any real gutts you and her brother need to get the authorities in on this instead of wasting more time and you need to get cleared of him instead drolling over his not smoking or drinking you will find out soon how swee he is, so he knows that you know. you got problems Do it pronto ------------- Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction. |
Posted By: Aisha Muslima
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 4:36pm
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assalam alikum ConfusedKaren, Ur boyfriend of yours and his family is really not a normal family and is really dysfunctional. In islam it a big sins to have sex without marriage and it NOT aloud to marry a family member (uncle, niece, sister, brother, mother, father.....more). I think you should do to try stoping this the best you can and leave them. You dont need to be in this mess. And about Muslims killing Kafirs it not true, there is no complusion in religion, we have our religion and they have their. take care wa alikum assalam ------------- Aisha Muslima |
Posted By: ConfusedKaren
Date Posted: 20 October 2006 at 2:58pm
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I don't have guts to put a man behind bars for a sin that he is commiting and for breaking the law. I'm not God and it's not my place to punish him. I just want a better understanding of how Islam works in a person's life and what Islam preaches. Can someone explain to me what "mut'aa" really means? The brother told me this is what he has witnessed but when I called him to have him re-tell the story he is now saying he can't remember anything from that day. ------------- !@!KaReN!@! |
Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 20 October 2006 at 5:05pm
Mu'taa is (temporary sex)which shiites have codified to bless a fornication for a certain span of times. It is not allowed in proper Islam. The niece can not do a normal marrige with uncle. If you are dealing with a mentaly sick SHIA family, this is a wrong site to ask for the answers for this kind of uncontrolled sex maniacs. They will justify this illicit sex with anything rubbish. You are in the US and it is criminal offence so if you don't have gutts, move away from the scene altogether. IT is not an an Islamic issue anymore and you may need some professional help if you can't breakaway from this mess. Good luck ------------- Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction. |
Posted By: Hanan
Date Posted: 20 October 2006 at 6:15pm
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ConfusedKaren: Anyhow, my question is "is this kind of relationship NORMAL?" If not what can I do who can I talk to to get over this mess? You've been given plenty of advice in the past 2 days. Have you done what the U.S. law requires you to do? You wrote: "Anyhow, I now know where the path lies for me." � and what path would that be � why do you want to know the meaning of "mut'aa" � don�t you have more important things to worry about? Apparently you�re not all that concerned anymore about the physical and psychological damage this young female allegedly has to endure, not to mention that you are breaking the law by not reporting a crime. Why not? I'm under the impression this family is dysfunctional and they allow such things to take place. I only wish I can confront them but they aren't educated ... YOU choose to associate with "dysfunctional" people, so what does that make you, especially since you allow this alleged sexual abuse to continue ... because "they are not educated?" Have you ever heard of the saying: "Birds of a feather flock together"? |
Posted By: UmmTaaha
Date Posted: 22 October 2006 at 9:47pm
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Islam is about keeping the society healthy. One is not supposed to comit an evil act even against himself, but this can be a minor issue, however when one acts to harm others, people are obliged to step in. Not because they are Gods, but because there are others involved, and if the evils are let to be perpeterated, the practices will become common and there will be more and more victims from the society. Just like in your country there is a law for driving a car, there are laws in Islam on how to conduct oneself morally. One does not get a liscence to drive if he is not a safe driver because he can hurt others. In the same way if one's morals are not high enough he can hurt others. These people should be checked, and in the least families should protect their minors from them.
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