.

Welcome to Islam! Welcome to the Ummah!  Join the choir honey!

Okay.. on a serious note..

My family has gone through this and we did get through it.

Here is what we did or do:

1. Refuse whole heartedly to give up our relationship with Allah, and to stop attending services at the Masjids, because this isn't about them, it's about our relationship with Allah. We are not there for them, we are there for Yal-Malik. We tell ourselves this every time we go to the masjids. Even though I have an infant I say to her, and I encourage you to say it to your children so that they won't become disaffected and leave Islam.

2. Smile  Smile  Smile  What we do is smile, laugh, and talk any way, even if it is to each other or heck the wall! Be confident, be proud, and be happy.

3. Confront the Imam or the Shura counsel. Stand up for what you know is terrible adab and a disgrace to the Masjid. It's not their Masjid, it's his Masjid, and if they say other wise, I wouldn't pray there. Write a letter.

4. Attend confrences, workshops, bazaars nationally. We meet people from all over and establish long distance relationships and meet up annually to be with each other's families.

5. Try another masjid. Even if the majority of the people act like their stuff doesn't stink, there may be a few who feel the same way you do. Take out an add in the local news paper or Muslim paper advertising a lunch or dinner for Muslim families once a month. Look for other Mothers or farthers. Start a play group, parenting group, or girls night out group.

6. Do not rely on the internet as your main source of support. It's not good for you eman.

7. Don't give up- if fellowship is that important to you, you are going to have work harder and seek out people on your own.

I find the Naqshabandi's Tariqa's to be a very comfortable group of people. Ladies always eat first, and interact in discussions. People are there because they focused on killing their ego not blowing it up. There are squables and no community is  perfect but I think they have the best adab I've seen in the seven years I've been Muslim. I don't agree with everything they believe in, but I respect anybody who cares enough to make a concerted effort to create a worship enviournment for Allah not their own political agenda's and I love the way women and mothers are treated.

Salaam

Hope I helped.

i have also had this type of problem i have never set foot i  a mosque i pray at home becouse when i reverted and started wearing hijab i noticed that even if i smiled at every single sister ther were only a threw that would smile back most sisters seem to stay within there groups which is not friendly as muslimahs we should be welcomeing to every sister no matter what country they are from and the brothers should be the same the bond that is the sisterhood is not as strong as it once was  how can we reach out to people and give dawah if we are not comfatable sopporting other muslims in need of a friend

they say the vast, clearly the majority of Moslems do not go to the mosques, and this is one of the main reasons. I have not felt particularly welcome myself, unless you know someonethere.  Whereas it is not necessary to goto the mosque to pray, in the west they, i think, need to be the center of the community.

I agree with UmmAminata's suggestions. Some times it is best oget involved or work to find another mosque. I deal with welcoming prospective students to my school and working with volunteers. And the energy you send out can be the big determining factor to people coming back. I think that this is crucial for new Moslems as they do not have often have family for support.

too bad we are not all in one place and can meet each other!   

.

Assalamu alaikum,

As much as I have met some VERY unfriendly Muslims/Muslimahs I must also recognize those who have been friendly to me.  It would be wrong of me to only think of those who do not return my salaams.  God knows many have greeted me with respect, ilhamdulilah and may Allah (swt) reward them.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I visit a mosque in my neighborhood where people from all backgrounds and colors, born and revert, all kinds of Muslims come over there and greet each other.

Masha Allah, there is also a very good center that functions soley to support new reverts.

True, we need to have many more such mosques/centers to fullfil the growing requirement.

True, there are problems. And I think as to how solutions could be found in the best possible way.

May Allah guide us all.

Peace

Salaam

Sister Hanan I love your village idea, it kind of conjures up images of the Amish communities in the United States. I'm too far from one myself.

Brother Peace M here are some ideas:

Sensitivity training should be required for all clergy, leadership, administrators, social workers, volunteers, and dawah workers.

Sensitivity Training In These Areas:

• Refuting the negative images or beliefs that all North American and European Female reverts are harlots comming from brothels and that we are in need of their saving grace.- We are not-
• Refuting the negative images of beliefs that all people from the African disporia are uneducated, ignorant, unemployed, on welfare, gang bangers, theives, crack heads, and are the cursed descendants of Ham.
• Refuting the erroneous belief that reverts are in need of life makers, and should be treated as children at all times.
• Keeping politics out of the Masjid especially the Musullah.
• Be aware that "family" means different things to different people. Wether a revert was raised by a single parent, grand parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, or guardian doesn't make them " bastard children who will have more bastard children." Understanding that some reverts have no family because their families are dysfunctional and dangerous to their personal health and well being.
• Common courtsey for those who are not Medical doctors, Engineers, or other professionals. Not interrogating people about their income, educational background, and social prospects. Respect the worth and dignity of every individual and not violating people's boundraries.

continued..

continued...

• Not interrogating adults about their personal business. Respecting the limits and boundadries of other people and not imposing one's selfish will onto other people.
• Developing a code of behaviour when dealing with other people's children that doesn't include hitting them, name calling, or harassing their parents.

1. Creating a welcoming committe that has been trained to welcome people to the masjids prior to each jummah service or big service in which a large congregation will be present.
2. Creating a conflict resolution team who have been trained in resolving conflict between lay people, clergy, and non-Muslim who have relationships with the congregation and or community
3. Creating a New Muslim adoption group of Muslim families who can offer spiritual and emotional support to converts for a year or more.
4. Creating community meetings where lay people and clergy are all equal and people can share their concerns, complaints, or complinets in a safe enviournment with out being verbally abused.
5. Creating a volunteer committe for each Jummah group A volunteers to watch Group B's children during Jummah and than Group B volunteers to watch groups A 's children during Jummah so that mothers can attend Jummah in peace. Child care volunteers should also be available to volunteer at new Muslim classes, Islamic classes focusing on Fard aine subjects, and big events.
6. All youth group should require children to befriend someone of a different nationallity or background and should never allow children to click.

Masjids should offer these support groups:

• New Muslim support group
• New Parent support group
• Single Parents support group
• Divorce support group
• Depression/Anexity support group
• Care Providers support group
• Domestic violence support group
• Grief and loss support group

Social justice focus:

• Food pantry to single mothers, and low income families.
• Medical clinic to single mothers and low income families.
• Grants, and loans for single mothers and low income families.
• Pastoral Counseling and Crisis management.
• Home shelters for single mothers with children, transitional housing communities for low income families.
• Funneral and barrieral assistance.
• Foster parents.

And each Masjid should create some type of "community contract" " fellowship contract" or "covenant contract" where the code of behaviour, financial expectations, mathab of choice, and cultural expectations are clearly defined and there is no room for confusion. If some one violates it three times they should be removed from the congregation.

Try attending the womens halaqa or other class at the mosque if they have them....this will give you more opportunity to interact with the sisters.  If that doesnt work, maybe see if there is another mosque you can go to.

I personally had no difficulty at the mosque I attended...but I had met some of the sisters outside of the mosque before I started going there, so I already new some people.

UmmAminata wrote: Brother Peace M here are some ideas: Sensitivity training should be required for all clergy, leadership, administrators, social workers, volunteers, and dawah workers. Sensitivity Training In These Areas: Refuting the negative images or beliefs that all North American and European Female reverts are harlots comming from brothels and that we are in need of their saving grace.- We are not- Refuting the negative images of beliefs that all people from the African disporia are uneducated, ignorant, unemployed, on welfare, gang bangers, theives, crack heads, and are the cursed descendants of Ham. Refuting the erroneous belief that reverts are in need of life makers, and should be treated as children at all times. Keeping politics out of the Masjid especially the Musullah. Be aware that "family" means different things to different people. Wether a revert was raised by a single parent, grand parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, or guardian doesn't make them " bastard children who will have more bastard children." Understanding that some reverts have no family because their families are dysfunctional and dangerous to their personal health and well being. Common courtsey for those who are not Medical doctors, Engineers, or other professionals. Not interrogating people about their income, educational background, and social prospects. Respect the worth and dignity of every individual and not violating people's boundraries. Not interrogating adults about their personal business. Respecting the limits and boundadries of other people and not imposing one's selfish will onto other people. Developing a code of behaviour when dealing with other people's children that doesn't include hitting them, name calling, or harassing their parents. Creating a welcoming committe that has been trained to welcome people to the masjids prior to each jummah service or big service in which a large congregation will be present. Creating a conflict resolution team who have been trained in resolving conflict between lay people, clergy, and non-Muslim who have relationships with the congregation and or community Creating a New Muslim adoption group of Muslim families who can offer spiritual and emotional support to converts for a year or more. Creating community meetings where lay people and clergy are all equal and people can share their concerns, complaints, or complinets in a safe enviournment with out being verbally abused. Creating a volunteer committe for each Jummah group A volunteers to watch Group B's children during Jummah and than Group B volunteers to watch groups A 's children during Jummah so that mothers can attend Jummah in peace. Child care volunteers should also be available to volunteer at new Muslim classes, Islamic classes focusing on Fard aine subjects, and big events. All youth group should require children to befriend someone of a different nationallity or background and should never allow children to click. Masjids should offer these support groups: New Muslim support group New Parent support group Single Parents support group Divorce support group Depression/Anexity support group Care Providers support group Domestic violence support group Grief and loss support group Social justice focus: Food pantry to single mothers, and low income families. Medical clinic to single mothers and low income families. Grants, and loans for single mothers and low income families. Pastoral Counseling and Crisis management. Home shelters for single mothers with children, transitional housing communities for low income families. Funneral and barrieral assistance. Foster parents. And each Masjid should create some type of "community contract" " fellowship contract" or "covenant contract" where the code of behaviour, financial expectations, mathab of choice, and cultural expectations are clearly defined and there is no room for confusion. If some one violates it three times they should be removed from the congregation.

Assalamu Alaikum,

Sister UmmAminata, Jazak Allah Khair for the detailed ideas.

When each of us in the Ummah realize our responsibilities, we will be able to make strong networks and support systems, insha Allah.

It will take time, but its realization would become a reality one day, insha Allah.

May Allah guide us all.

Peace

It will take time, but its realization would become a reality one day, insha Allah. - PEACE MAKER

Indeed, it will take time, and time will surely tell.

Great list UmmAminta!

It takes people with great ideas and the energy to put it into practice.

I have the idea of starting your own Masjid. This may sound strange but the Turkish people in my area who are very family oriented and fun loving did. Anyone is welcome, and it is a very kind place. They simply rent some space and share the cost. More people need to take a stand and I would love to start my own Masjid where women and men pray together(women in back or course), the Imam is accesible to all for questions and assistance, and the place is warm and inviting for the communty!

Jenni wrote: I have the idea of starting your own Masjid. This may sound strange but the Turkish people in my area who are very family oriented and fun loving did. Anyone is welcome, and it is a very kind place. They simply rent some space and share the cost. More people need to take a stand and I would love to start my own Masjid where women and men pray together(women in back or course), the Imam is accesible to all for questions and assistance, and the place is warm and inviting for the communty!

Asalaamu alaikum:

that would be a wonderful idea! Now it would be nice to not be closed away in a suffocationg little room and not see the main part of the masjid!

Hanan wrote: Sister Imecca, I feel bad for you and your family, because I know what you're experiencing. This happened to me also and I'm not going to mosque anymore. I'm curious to hear what the sisters and brothers experience and perhaps offer advice. Paece, Hanan

LOL can we start our own virtual masjid here? The sisters here are kinder, and my hijab is the computer !

.

lmecca67 wrote:  I have been practicing Islam for about 4 years. My problem is this: When I go to the mosque, I end up going home and crying.  The sisters are not friendly to me and the brothers are not friendly to my husband. Our children are always looked at as if they are out of control.  I try to carry on  conversations but they all gather in their own cliques and I am left in a corner sitting alone. The "straw that broke the camel's back" was during Ramadan, we went to an iftar, no one spoke to me or my  family and we ended up leaving.This is everytime that we go. How many times do you get your feelings hurt before you say enough is enough?

Assalaamualaikum

It is indeed sad that some muslims behave like this. Just ignore such behaviour and you be good. Allah will give you good friends Insha Allah. It really hurts , i know... may Allah give them hidayah (and us too).

Just remember "Allah is sufficient as Protector and Helper". May Allah unite our ummah and put love and compassion in our hearts for each other.

wassalaam

I am with you on  the virtual mosque!

I'm with you on the virtual mosque too!

lmecca67 wrote:  I have been practicing Islam for about 4 years. My problem is this: When I go to the mosque, I end up going home and crying.  The sisters are not friendly to me and the brothers are not friendly to my husband. Our children are always looked at as if they are out of control.  I try to carry on  conversations but they all gather in their own cliques and I am left in a corner sitting alone. The "straw that broke the camel's back" was during Ramadan, we went to an iftar, no one spoke to me or my  family and we ended up leaving.This is everytime that we go. How many times do you get your feelings hurt before you say enough is enough?

Salaaams and Bismillah,

It seems that many of us relate to your post.  When I first went to the mosque with my dear neighbor and sister-in-Islaam who encouraged me to go with her and buy a Quran, the women stared me down for whatever their reasons -- it was a house by the mosque and just women were there, so my friend saw no reason for me to wear a scarf when I wasn't Muslim.  I didn't go back for years, although, I looked for other mosques when I became Muslim.

However, the benefit you have is the internet.  We really are here for you.  Find a group of us that you're at least semi-comfortable with.  I rarely see other Muslims that speak with me anyway, but I have formed dear friendships with sisters here on the web. 

And you can keep trying because one mosque I went to there was a sister, years ago, who I'll call the friendly greeting committe rolled up into one person.  And she is still my friend and we bumped into each other at a mosque.  ISA you will find good, true, loving Islaamic companionship too.

As Gandhi said:

Be the change you want in the world.

I teach kids social, assertive and self-defense skills. One thing is how to go up and greet / meet people. Maybe we should teach the adults these skills.

Salaam Imeeca/LaQuia!

I am soooo sorry for what you are going through!!!

Well, I am 30, and I've been Muslim all my life--and let me tell that you I have gone through that SOOOO many times!!! You are not alone! I dont know what it is--but some Muslim sisters have the maturity of a 12 year old. You dont know HOW MANY times I have given the greetings to Sister's, only to have them literally look in the other direction!...As for the masjid (mosque), I have been through that whole "clique" thing. But I expect that behavior from high-school kids, not grown adult Muslim so called "Women"...

They were very rude to not speak with you at the Iftar. I would tell you that you should find a new mosque--seriously. Allah wants you to feel welcomed, and if they are treating you coldly, then maybe its time to leave. Please dont cry anymore. There are many mosques out here. Go to the "mosquefinder" section on this website, and you'll find one...And, please do not follow the advise of someone who told you to vacuum and clean up the mosque. Dont degrade yourself in that way. Life is about respect--and respect goes 2 ways. If they wont respect you, then let them clean up their own trash. There are other ways to get blessings than cleaning up for ungrateful, rude people.

Muslim Women come across as being very cold sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if its because women are scared that somebody will steal their husband, or try to become their husband's 2nd wife--seriously. Everybodys so scared somebody gonna take their brokedown looking, 'living paycheck-to-paycheck' husband.

Me, I have decided that I only need approval from Allah. Allah says that if he were to punish mankind for their wrong-doing, he would not leave on the earth a single, living creature...So, no one has the right to walk around like she's made of gold--we all fall short. As long as Allah loves me, I'm walking around on cloud 9.

Girl, I've just learned to live with all this. If I do go to the mosque, Im there to hear the kut-bah (sermon) and get my blessings and say my prayers. But, I'm a VERY friendly person, so even though the sisters are looking like they're constipated, I still smile REALLY big and say "As-Salaam-Alaikum!!!!!" , then I sit down.

Maybe soon Allah will bless you with a good Muslimah friend in your neighborhood. I'm lucky to have about 3 good Muslims friends in and I'm sooo blessed to have them--even though they're in diffrent states. They too, have had the same experineces you have--and they all cover as well.

Keep your head up Sis. Tell your Husband its going to be alright. Just find a new mosque, and see how things go.

Salaam Liyal,

Sorry Sis, I did not mean to offend you. Yes, cleaning the Mosque is for Allah,  and you did not directly tell Imecca to do so. I apolgize if what I said offended you. I just didnt want Imecca to think that cleaning the Masjid with the sole intention of gaining friends, was going to get them all to embrace her. We clean the mosque for Allah---not with the intention of winning friends. And Allah is very clear that he is concerned with our true Intentions.

I think that everyone is in agreement that we Sisters need to be more embracing and loving to each other, and at least give the greetings when we see people walk through the door, and ask how they are doing.

So, I offer everyone a Challenge: Next time we are in the masjid--Let's Give the Greetings & Hug a Sister we Never Spoke to Before...Who's up for this???

Muslimah07 wrote: Salaam Liyal, Sorry Sis, I did not mean to offend you. Yes, cleaning the Mosque is for Allah,  and you did not directly tell Imecca to do so. I apolgize if what I said offended you. I just didnt want Imecca to think that cleaning the Masjid with the sole intention of gaining friends, was going to get them all to embrace her. We clean the mosque for Allah---not with the intention of winning friends. And Allah is very clear that he is concerned with our true Intentions. I think that everyone is in agreement that we Sisters need to be more embracing and loving to each other, and at least give the greetings when we see people walk through the door, and ask how they are doing. So, I offer everyone a Challenge: Next time we are in the masjid--Let's Give the Greetings & Hug a Sister we Never Spoke to Before...Who's up for this???

Salaams and Bismillah,

ISA, who knows, you might be hugging me.

Muslimah07 wrote: Salaam Imeeca/LaQuia! Everybodys so scared somebody gonna take their brokedown looking, 'living paycheck-to-paycheck' husband.

LOL.  I needed a good laugh today.

Salam

Salaams sisters:

There is a forum that was recently created called the Modern Muslimah Forum. You can find it at http://momuf.18.forumer.com/index.php - http://momuf.18.forumer.com/index.php ?

The sisters there are nice and if you identify yourself as female then you can get the password for the halaqa forum where the bros cant go and we can do "girltalk" without being read by the men.

Abeer23 wrote: Muslimah07 wrote: Salaam Imeeca/LaQuia! Everybodys so scared somebody gonna take their brokedown looking, 'living paycheck-to-paycheck' husband.   LOL.  I needed a good laugh today. Salam

Salaams and Bismillah,

Laugh a good, cold, hard laugh then.

ak_m_f wrote: Maryah wrote: Salaams sisters: There is a forum that was recently created called the Modern Muslimah Forum. You can find it at http://momuf.18.forumer.com/index.php - http://momuf.18.forumer.com/index.php[/COLOR"> ? The sisters there are nice and if you identify yourself as female then you can get the password for the halaqa forum where the bros cant go and we can do "girltalk" without being read by the men. what if some guy joins posing as woman?

Salaams and Bismillah,

Of course that will happen.  Then again, we sisters have WAYS of telling.