Marriages in Islam without love.

This is an awkward situation. My best friend is married to a German lady. Before they got married she said she would conform to Islamic rules and do this and that. Now that

They have been married for 5 years and have 2 kids, she does not conform as she initially

Had said she would. From my conversation to my friend, I think if the kids were not involved then he would walk away from this relationship. So I was discussing this with my fianc� and my fianc� tells me that they should not be in a marriage if there is no love

To begin with. I think she is wrong. One just should not get a divorce just because they

Are no longer in love. Marriage is more than just love. To me it�s a commitment, an unity

To respect and be with each other no matter what. It is just more much more than physical. Please advise me what should my friend do?

What a tough siutation.

questions come to mind:

1. What is "love"

2. Responsibilties in marriage in marriage

3. What is the woman's religion?

I am sure if she is nor Moslem and such there is probably a way to divorce Islamically. More scholarly people would know. He has a resonsibility to the kids for sure.

I agree with you marriage is not about "love." It is sonmething greater, something that is part of life. But love as we know it, really is an extra bonus. Ultimately, love for Allah is what should guide us, not for a person. Lack of love I  do not know is true grounds for divorce. Lack of religion may be.

thank you Hafya for your response.

i am old fashioned. I would battle til the end where as the western thoughts is if we are not in love {which is always attributed to physical attraction} move on and divorce.

to me as you have stated love is more than what the bonus that western world thinks it is. It's compassion and respect and understanding etc.

The need and desire for a mate is a very powerful one. God created us as pairs and being single is against our nature. The problem is with our expectations. We think we all have to have a fairy tale relationship. There are only so many prince charmings and only so many Cinderella. The rest of us, imperfect men and women, are stuck with each other. When we understand and accept this fact we can finally be happy with the person we have. Sure it would be nice if he were rich, handsome, generous, selfless, romantic� Sure it would be nice if she were gorgeous, smart, athletic and loved to do housework� But the fact of the matter is none of us have �all� those qualities. So, instead of thinking we are losing out, we should accept this world is not perfect. No person in it is perfect. No relationship is perfect. But, at the end of the day, an imperfect mate and a shared life beats the alternative.

Marrying German women is haram. There are many fatwas that forbid it. They don't fall under the Quranic exception that permits marrying christian women because these women are not pious nor chaste.
Come on now, we have had enough of your distorion of Islam. You are an outright liar, a MUNAFIQ and a hate filled bag of filth. You are the single most distorted thing I have ever seen in our midst.

Islam allows marriages with ahle-kitaab. Our Prophet married Hazraat Maria without ever desiring, leave aside requiring her to convert.

We respect and love all Christian men, women and children and all the other who share this planet with us and are granted their books by our CREATOR.

Get out of our faces and take your filthy sexual obsession with - BEFORE we start to treat you for your worth.

We have had enough of your filth.

If you utter one more word distorting Islam I will arrange to throw you where you belong - on some rubbish heap.

When I say you are a bag of flith I am being exceptionally kind to you in full view of your didorder.

You are just ill. Get some professional help before you harm someone in the street or at some parking lot - of your imagination.

Whisper wrote: Marrying German women is haram. There are many fatwas that forbid it. They don't fall under the Quranic exception that permits marrying christian women because these women are not pious nor chaste. Come on now, we have had enough of your distorion of Islam.

Surah 5:5 Likewise you are permitted to marry chaste believing women or chaste women among the people who were given the Scripture.

What distortion? Read the Quran. I didn't write it, did I?

Marrying German women is haram. There are many fatwas that forbid it. They don't fall under the Quranic exception that permits marrying christian women because these women are not pious nor chaste.

Hey Crass, have you met the woman, how in the world do you know she is not chaste?? You seem to know all western women.

Your answer is a nonanswer and useless.

I particularly want Hayfa&aka2x2's response on this!I totally agree with U that marriage's more than love and that we do live in the euphoria of fantasy rather than reality.We dream of some 'unblemished love' and call it our world.But how true do you think it is that 'absence of love' should not result to a divorce?Am totally in cognisance of the fact that 'Love for Allah should superceed any other love becasue it is the love for Allah that keeps you going when the world turns against you.But you know,as humans,we crave for affection and are often unhappy when we don't get it from the people we give it to.For instancde,it would be unfair to ask a woman to remain in a marriage where she doesn't feeel loved and appreciated,even if that  husband is a practising Muslim.He might not be God-fearing because if he were,he would do as commanded by Allah to be kind and gentle to the women.Love should be all encompassing,but if it's not?What if the husband's definition of love is:provision of shelter,clothing&feeding ALONE ?That would mean that marriage is devoid of intimacy,trust,respect&regard for each other's feelings?You obviously don't want to imagine the problems that could arise from this because marriage is more than'material or physical?

So tell me,is lack of trust based on'FACTS'& not imagination or assumption,in a marriage a reason for divorce?

The Quran does not say anything about German women or men. It does talk about hearts that are hard as stone and filled with hatred. People suffering from these maladies should have a care; Allah may decide to break them into pieces.

God willing the children will NOT �suffer from divorce�, they will NOT �be diagnosed with issues at school�, they will NOT be �put on dangerous medication�, they will NOT �drop out and end up homeless in the streets� and they will NOT �die before the age of 40�. It is sick to wish or predict such an awful fate for two innocent children.

Sister Lovesakeena, when any man is as full of hatred and filth for any of HIS creation, he has earned all the scorn we hold for this sex obsessed convoluted criminal.

Now, he has always distroted the basic peaceful concept of Islam along with one of his equally filthy sidekicks.

lovesakeenah,

I started writing a reply to your post but it became too long and went off the subject. I hope you don't mind if I start a new thread called "Love & Marriage in the USA". Hope to see you there.

aka2x2 wrote: The Quran does not say anything about German women or men.

Why hide the truth?

aka2x2 wrote: God willing the children will NOT �suffer from divorce�, they will NOT �be diagnosed with issues at school�, they will NOT be �put on dangerous medication�, they will NOT �drop out and end up homeless in the streets� and they will NOT �die before the age of 40�.

 I'd be waiting.Although,am not a U.S resident but would like to learn what it's like being married there.Meanwhile,I truly wish to know if a lack of Trust is enuf reason to ask for a divorce.Am awaiting the new topic!

C6H12O6 wrote: They have been married for 5 years and have 2 kids, she does not conform as she initially Had said she would. From my conversation to my friend, I think if the kids were not involved then he would walk away from this relationship.

All marriages have a rough spot.  Has your friend thought about couples counseling?  Since she is not muslim and he is, a religious leader might not be the best source but someone who would respect both sides.  Perhaps if he showed her he was committed, but that her actions were hurting him, she would want to make the effort.

Its also hard to know what you mean by conform?  Is she drinking?  Or perhaps not wearing Hijab?  Maybe she's having sausage?  There are many things that could fall under this catagory.  If she is Christian she may be praying using Jesus's name.

Really its hard to advise when you use such a general term.  Conformity is so broad.  What does he want from her? 

This is why interfaith marriages fail and aren't really suggested.  She may very well be a pious woman, but obviously she's doing something he feels is unislamic.  But, since she's not muslim she may not see the issue as he does.  For the children's sake, I think they should seek counseling and at least put it all out on the table.  Divorce might be the best way, but really they should look at trying to work together.  

If he wanted a pious islamic wife, there are plenty of wonderful reverts out there that are looking for good islamic husbands who aren't in it for the green card and to be supported financially.  He should have considered that first.  If he wants the woman he's with, then he should evaluate exactly what he wants from the relationship and what she wants and decide if it matches.

Even a devout Christian woman would have a hard time with some of the "requirements" put on a Muslim wife or even by cultural wants of men from other countries.  Catholics have wine at communion, to deny her communion is to deny her of the practice of her faith. 

You see, its more complicated than just...What should I advise him to do? 

The Quran does not say anything about German women or men. It does talk about hearts that are hard as stone and filled with hatred. People suffering from these maladies should have a care; Allah may decide to break them into pieces.

Brother, what are you talking about? This poor thing is the result of a stone already broken into shreds. This one had fallen into a cesspit.

It is sick to wish or predict such an awful fate for two innocent children.

He is not wishing. He holds no skills or the power to predict. Just relax and read through this psychopath's autobiography.

aka2x2
Senior Member

 Brother, let's take this bastard on;

Why hide the truth?

and ask him to show where does the Quran do that?

Asalam Alaikum Lovesakeenah,

I hope you are well.

In your last post you brought up two related but separate issues of love and trust.  You can have one without the other. For instance, I love someone as a person but do not trust them because they are an alcoholic for instance. Or I trust someone and like them, but love in a deeper sense no.

I think it goes both ways in that the question could be reverse.. what is the woman provided or gave the basics of taking care of home, cooking, having sex etc. But did not really �love� the guy. Should she divorce?

There are some people who just don�t get it.. get that level of relationships. Maybe it is the way their brain works or the way they were raised.

It is a good question, is this grounds for a divorce?  (Especially if the person is not abusive)  As far as whether it is allowed in Islam, A scholar could answer. Here you can divorce for just about anything. So getting one would not be a problem. But is it the right thing to do?  As Angela said, can they go for counseling?  As Angela said, it depends completely on the specifics of the given situation.   

As Angela said, it depends completely on the specifics of the given situation.

Yes, Angela said so and in all natural wisdom it's the truth. BUT, what some of our friends here say has to be the ultimate for only they say must always be right for they love slandering not just women but also the contents of the Quran!!!

AS-saaalam alaykum W/R,WB,

Thanks for d response,Hayfa&Whisper.Let's just say that he's not God-fearing enough to be'truthful' about some of his activities& would not answer any question regarding who a female stranger is.Hence,making the woman insecured&unhappy.She's facing a serious emotional abuse & decides not to involve families for fear of escalating the situation.And as for counselling,you're dealing with an unflinching conservationist who doesn't believe in'stuffs'like that.