embarassing (sisters only pls)
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=9708
Printed Date: 06 October 2024 at 3:51am
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Topic: embarassing (sisters only pls)
Posted By: saqeen
Subject: embarassing (sisters only pls)
Date Posted: 05 July 2007 at 2:58pm
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Sisters, I do need advice & I'll try to keep this as discrete as possible. Regarding when a husband approaches his wife in bed, the wife must concede except during menstruation and couple of other situations like sickness, etc., etc. My situation is that my husband is very, active? compared to me. For the first year of marriage, intercourse was everyday & I looked only to pls Allah but I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle my prayers at all & so after one year I decided it has to be every other day because it was becoming a huge nuisance. I couldn't handle it. During menstruation my husband wants to approach me but am I obligated? He wants me to do the other deed but I don't want to. (oral) If you need to move this thread anywhere else or censor, pls do so but I really need this advice bcoz its putting a strain in our marriage. I can't handle so much activity on my body. My only reason for not saying NO altogether is to please Allah. |
Replies:
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 1:33pm
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Asalam Alaikum Saqeen, Welcome to the Forum. Sorry you are having trouble with this situation. One question I would have is, is he doing anything to make it enjoyable for you? Women tend to need different things then men (foreplay, touching, etc.) or is just do it and get it over with, where he seeks his pleasure and not yours. Some men are really oblivoius to the needs of women. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: saqeen
Date Posted: 06 July 2007 at 9:18pm
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Thank you sister for replying. My husband is very loving. He does take ALOT of time to make sure I'm satisfied but unfortunately it's I who just can't keep upto him. Even the month of Ramadan doesn't tire him. But I got my answer through a private message from another sister. Thank you & may Allah bless the both of you. I find relief in the answer I was provided. Salaam |
Posted By: suzy
Date Posted: 09 July 2007 at 4:32pm
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salaamz firstly dont be embrassed, we have to discuss these issues as loads of people face them in thier lives, and i think a problem wiv the muslim community is that we hate to discuss SEX!!! its a complete taboo, wen in actual facts Allah ta'ala has created sex for us to enjoy and take pleasure from (in a controlled enviroment ie. marriage), so i defo think we shouldnt be embrassed to discuss such issues. secondly, yes, you cannot deny your husband sex, but you also ahve to follow the rules and regulations set by islam about sexual relations, therefore it is forbidden to have intercourse during menstration whether your husband approaches you or not, it is a major sin to have intercourse whilst menstrating. moreover i think theres different opinions on oral sex. sorry i cant provide you wiv any evidence from the Quran and sunnah but am sure you'll find loads of things on this topic if and when you do more research. hope that helped a little MAY ALLAH GUIDE US TO THE RIGHT PATH...Ameen ------------- JZK SALAMZ |
Posted By: Salams_wife
Date Posted: 31 July 2007 at 10:12pm
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Honestly I am glad you brought this topic up. I imagine this is a problem for many women. My husband has much more needs than I do. I don't know how he does it, but in fact it is much more than once a day. I tried to keep up at first, but after awhile I asked him if we could have some breaks because I become sore. Luckily I have a wonderful husband and he is always concerned for my health so he always asks now if I am feeling okay for it. I thank God for that, but I still feel bad that I can't please him to keep up with him. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you find all the help you need and things become better for you inshallah! |
Posted By: saqeen
Date Posted: 02 August 2007 at 4:34am
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salaam ...suzy & salams_wife, thank u for ure support...i'm glad i'm not the only one *L* though I always thought men had more needs I find it so suprising in the real world I know more women wanting more frm their hubbies than the other way around....I find it funny that I was one of the few who had such an active hubby, really, aren't we such beautiful & curious creations of Allah? |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 02 August 2007 at 4:53am
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As-salaam alaykum, Indeed we are sis saqeen.It's a case of different strokes for different folks.Reverse is the case for some of us. ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: andara
Date Posted: 17 January 2008 at 1:23pm
To the best of my knowledge, oral sex is OK. I am just wondering what kind of pills is he talking. I want some for my husband...
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Posted By: gumus
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 2:01am
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Remember sisters that even though you are required to drop your Fard salat when your husband calls you for sexual intercourse, you are not obligated to fulfil his request for oral sex even thoughoral sex is said to be permissable. and you may also refuse sexual intercourse during menstruation and anal sex, as they are both forbidden. IMPORTANT ADVICE TO ALL SISTERS: NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED/VIDEOTAPED NUDE OR DURING SEXUAL ACTIVITY AS IT CAN END UP IN ANYONES POSSESION. ISLAMICALLY IT'S NOT PERMISSABLE FOR EVEN THE HUSBAND TO PHOTOGRAPH THE WIFE IN THE NUDE.
You must refuse your husband to be photographed nude.
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 3:27am
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Just a comment , if sisters do not wish the men to interfere/read the posts that they deem embarrassing/confidential - topics that say "sisters only" or "embarassing" - actually make the topic all the more curious for others . . . :p Just wanting to help out our shy sisters. PM is also the best way to discuss intimate topics. . . Apart from that . . .I think that such discussions could perhaps benefit other women if men happen to read . . . perhaps some men dont know that thier wives also feel this way and that they should be considerate. Suzy: Sex is not at all taboo in Islam . . .its just that most muslims tend to be too shy/modest. Also, people of ages and sensitivites are visitors to forums, so one has to be cautious. Had intimate issues such as the above been taboo, Islam/Prophet Muhammad would not have educated us about sexual ettiquette. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 3:29am
------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
gumus wrote:Posted By: mowgli
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 8:12am
| Yes, I would appreciate a source for this too, I've never heard this before and it doesn't seem right to me? |
Posted By: mariyah
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 10:49am
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asalaamu alaikum sisters:
Why cannot the sisters have a secluded forum where the men cannot enter? another forum I go to does, there is a second password. The men here seem to feel free to post in our area, guess learning to lower one's gaze is hard for them. I notice there is a locked off "professional" section that has not been used in years. How about it moderators, can you do this and get a sister moderator (i nominate Hayfa) ------------- "Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile. |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 11:39am
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How about it moderators, can you do this and get a sister moderator (i nominate Hayfa)
lol.. thanks..  ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 10:57pm
No pun intended? ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 09 August 2008 at 11:01pm
I have never read or heard this. I have read that if you are baking bread you should stop, but not the prayers.
Please post daleel for this.
Also, you should remember that women have rights over men in this area also and a man should not just fall upon his wife or force her. ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: gumus
Date Posted: 10 August 2008 at 12:02am
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Regarding dropping Fard salat, I was told that by an elder and I went to an Islamic Mualimah to confirm it and she said yes that you are required to drop Fard salat.
I would recomend sisters to not disclose their identities when discussing embaressing or private matters as regard to privacy.
But I feel it's a good idea for brothers to browse through as they can learn important stuff by reading our problems and see them through Muslimas perspective. As I know they go through opinions of non-islamic women in answer yahoo. They get wrong ideas from those women as alot of them are liking stuff we can't stand like pornography and oral sex.
I feel our brothers don't realize our problems as we can't share them openly.
In Islamic seminars on marriage these things are said openly by scholars, regards to intimacy and correct manners and boundries.
Forums are excellent as long as our identities are not revealed.
Brothers think that the dirty stuff they see on the media is liked by all women, also the dirty stuff that unislamic women write about online. They fall into snare of those who control the media with the intention of corrupting the ummah and end up suffering for the rest of their lives.
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Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 10 August 2008 at 1:43am
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"Regarding dropping Fard salat, I was told that by an elder and I went to an Islamic Mualimah to confirm it and she said yes that you are required to drop Fard salat."
But where did they get this information from? There must be an Ayat or a Hadith for it to be authentic. If they told you this is true they should give you the proof: the Ayat or Hadith that states it is true. Since we have not read or heard this before we are asking for the proof. ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 10 August 2008 at 4:43pm
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Yes please do find the Ayat or Hadith.. I hear all kinds of stuff.. and without the proof.. well..
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 11 August 2008 at 3:21am
Yes,sis."No pun intended"!!!!     ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 11 August 2008 at 8:08am
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I checked with someone very knowledgeable in Islam and he said the only case of this is if a woman is doing a VOLUNTARY fast, she may be aked to drop this fast. That is why wives should cobfer with husbands if it is a good day to fast... But not for required fast or required prayer.
On dozens of web sites I have been on that discuss missing Fard prayers... none have EVER listed that you should drop it to have relations so to speak with husband. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 August 2008 at 10:31am
With all due respect, just because so-and-so says something, even if they be 'knowledgeable' so to speak, it is not to be believed immediately, until there is a surety. There are certain scholars out there that I readily believe, because I know for a fact that they always have a backing source.
The only reason why I mentioned that is because sometimes ppl confuse culture/traditions with Islam.
I know the Nifal Fast (unobligatory Fast) can be broken for sexual purposes - but I dont think it applies to Fard Salaat. Whenever I've read about 'breaking/postponing' Fard Salaat, the reason has always been an emergency, or inconvenience, or safety etc. Which is why I asked.
I agree. Also, I think if there is a place where everyone can easily follow proper Islamic ettiquette and still discuss delicate issues . . . it is the internet. Where else do we expect Muslim brothers to know about cerain pertinent issues firsthand? Surely not in person . . . . ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 10:20am
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just an observation! this thread got 1138 views! pretty high, eh? :) ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 6:59pm
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who are all those people??? lol ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: gumus
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 10:56pm
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I spoke to the same Mualimah that told me about dropping the fard salaat and this what she said logically it makes sense.
example: Zuhr salat will end after 2 hours so you have enough time to fulfil your husbands request and complete your ghusl and complete your salat before time is over, in that case drop your salat.
Example: Fajr will end in 15 mins, so complete your Fard salat and immediately proceed to your husbands need.
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Posted By: gumus
Date Posted: 13 August 2008 at 11:02pm
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Again brothers should be considerate about the times sisters are ot well or don't fel up to it. As demanding too much wihout consideration will only result in losing their wives love for them.
BROTHERs BY ALL MEANS STAY AWAY FROM PORNOS
THEY ARE KUFRS SNARES OF DESTROYING OUR MARRIAGES. |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 14 August 2008 at 4:39am
Some were just'stopping-by'...!
 ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 14 August 2008 at 10:15pm
I dont doubt your word she said that Gumus . . . Jazakallah for following up on that. I just wanted to know what source/hadith the Mualimmah got that from - so I could personally read up on that. (like look up that hadith/source etc)
------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |