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Sunan Ibn Majah 1887 (Book 9, Hadith 43) #31239
Moderation in Dowry

SUMMARY: This hadith is about not going to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) did not give any of his wives and daughters more than twelve Uqiyah.

It was narrated that: Abu Ajfa As-Sulami said: "Umar bin Khattab said: 'Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honor and dignity in this world or a sign of Taqwa before Allah, then Muhammad would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives and none of his daughters were given more than twelve Uqiyah. A man may increase dowry until he feels resentment against her and says: "You cost me everything I own," or, "You caused me a great deal of hardship"'." (Hassan)
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا يَزِيدُ بْنُ هَارُونَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَوْنٍ، ح وَحَدَّثَنَا نَصْرُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ الْجَهْضَمِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا يَزِيدُ بْنُ زُرَيْعٍ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ عَوْنٍ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سِيرِينَ، عَنْ أَبِي الْعَجْفَاءِ السُّلَمِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ عُمَرُ بْنُ الْخَطَّابِ لاَ تُغَالُوا صَدَاقَ النِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّهَا لَوْ كَانَتْ مَكْرُمَةً فِي الدُّنْيَا أَوْ تَقْوًى عِنْدَ اللَّهِ كَانَ أَوْلاَكُمْ وَأَحَقَّكُمْ بِهَا مُحَمَّدٌ ـ ـ مَا أَصْدَقَ امْرَأَةً مِنْ نِسَائِهِ وَلاَ أُصْدِقَتِ امْرَأَةٌ مِنْ بَنَاتِهِ أَكْثَرَ مِنِ اثْنَتَىْ عَشْرَةَ أُوقِيَّةً وَإِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لَيُثَقِّلُ صَدَقَةَ امْرَأَتِهِ حَتَّى يَكُونَ لَهَا عَدَاوَةٌ فِي نَفْسِهِ وَيَقُولُ قَدْ كَلِفْتُ إِلَيْكِ عَلَقَ الْقِرْبَةِ أَوْ عَرَقَ الْقِرْبَةِ ‏.‏ وَكُنْتُ رَجُلاً عَرَبِيًّا مُوَلَّدًا مَا أَدْرِي مَا عَلَقُ الْقِرْبَةِ أَوْ عَرَقُ الْقِرْبَةِ

TOPICS
dowry  *  moderation  *  mahr  *  istitazah  *  khattab  *  assulami

QUICK LESSONS:
Strive for moderation in all aspects of life including giving dowries for your wife/daughter .

EXPLANATIONS:
This hadith is about the importance of moderation when it comes to dowries for women. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was a role model for us in this regard, as he did not give any of his wives or daughters more than twelve Uqiyah. Umar bin Khattab warned against going to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, as it can lead one to feel resentment towards her and cause them great hardship. We should strive for moderation in all aspects of our lives, including when it comes to giving dowries for our wives or daughters.

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