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Sahih al-Bukhari 5367 (Book 69, Hadith 17) #5141
Marrying a Matron vs. Virgin

SUMMARY: The hadith is about Jabir bin 'Abdullah who married a matron and was advised by the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) to marry a virgin instead.

Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: My father died and left seven or nine girls and I married a matron. Allah's Messenger said to me, "O Jabir! Have you married?" I said, "Yes". He said, "A virgin or a matron?" I replied, "A matron". he said, "Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she with you, and you might amuse her and she amuse you". I said, " 'Abdullah (my father) died and left girls, and I dislike to marry a girl like them, so I married a lady (matron) so that she may look after them". On that he said, "May Allah bless you," or "That is good".
حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ زَيْدٍ، عَنْ عَمْرٍو، عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قَالَ هَلَكَ أَبِي وَتَرَكَ سَبْعَ بَنَاتٍ أَوْ تِسْعَ بَنَاتٍ فَتَزَوَّجْتُ امْرَأَةً ثَيِّبًا فَقَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ‏"‏ تَزَوَّجْتَ يَا جَابِرُ ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقُلْتُ نَعَمْ‏.‏ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ بِكْرًا أَمْ ثَيِّبًا ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْتُ بَلْ ثَيِّبًا‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ فَهَلاَّ جَارِيَةً تُلاَعِبُهَا وَتُلاَعِبُكَ، وَتُضَاحِكُهَا وَتُضَاحِكُكَ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَ فَقُلْتُ لَهُ إِنَّ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ هَلَكَ وَتَرَكَ بَنَاتٍ، وَإِنِّي كَرِهْتُ أَنْ أَجِيئَهُنَّ بِمِثْلِهِنَّ، فَتَزَوَّجْتُ امْرَأَةً تَقُومُ عَلَيْهِنَّ وَتُصْلِحُهُنَّ‏.‏ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ ‏"‏‏.‏ أَوْ قَالَ خَيْرًا‏.‏

TOPICS
marriage  *  matron  *  virgin  *  abdullah

QUICK LESSONS:
Marry responsibly with consideration of dependents; Enjoy your marriage relationship; Follow the advice of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ .

EXPLANATIONS:
This hadith is about the advice given to Jabir bin 'Abdullah when he decided to marry a matron. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) suggested that he should have married a virgin instead so that they could play and amuse each other. However, since his father had left behind seven or nine girls for him to take care of, he chose to marry a matron instead so she could look after them. The Prophet Muhammad's response was one of blessing and approval for his decision. This hadith teaches us that it is important for couples in marriage to be able to enjoy each other's company and have fun together as well as being responsible towards those who are dependent on us such as family members or children from previous marriages.

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