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Did he betray me?

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Nausheen View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nausheen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 June 2008 at 8:20pm
Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir Rajeem,
Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim,
 
Subhan Allah, a very powerful and succinct response. May Allah reward you much!
 
<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa

Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena

wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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martha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote martha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:21am
Chrysalis:-For example, Islam puts all the burdens on the husband *yay* and Women don't have to work unless they WANT to.
 
This is a lovely concept, but practically doesn't always work that way. I have also heard many muslims here in the UK saying that British women like to work. This is also not correct.
 
Some sisters have to work to survive. It all depends on personal circumstances.
some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2008 at 2:48am
Originally posted by martha martha wrote:

Chrysalis:-For example, Islam puts all the burdens on the husband *yay* and Women don't have to work unless they WANT to.
 
This is a lovely concept, but practically doesn't always work that way. I have also heard many muslims here in the UK saying that British women like to work. This is also not correct.
 
Some sisters have to work to survive. It all depends on personal circumstances.
 
And ofcourse like I said . . . there is absolutley NOTHING wrong with women earning/working . . .as long as they are doing it out of free will. There is also islamically nothing wrong with the woman being the breadwinner AS LONG AS she is doing it out of her own free will or has an understanding with the hubby. . . For women who are forced to work because thier husbands expect them to or are lazy lugs. . . All I can say is may Allah reward them (these wives). . . and He will surely not let thier actions go unrewarded (and He will also give the lazy-husbs wht they deserve)
 
I know that Islamic concepts do not always work IF they are not APPLIED. Which is why Allah tells the muslims to marry believing, pious partners. If women marry good muslims. . . they wont hav such probs (yes, I am aware good muslims r hard to find. . . Im just saying)
 
And unfortunatley nothing can be done about the not-working Husbands in a non-islamic state . . . but that does not mean that the problem lies with Islam . . .Islam is giving us excellent laws, but obviousley it needs to be implemented to work.
 
The Muslim States NEED to enforce these laws. . . and some are already doing so. If Im not mistaken, UAE financialy maintains families where the husband cannot work, so women can choose NOT to work. This law just needs to be applied more, thats all.
 
To say that the lovely concept doesnt work practically . . .it does. But you need to implement that law. . .like some countries already do. Just 'cz nobody is enforcing the law doesnt make it impractical.  By saying that, one is suggesting that there is something impractical about the law itself . . .which there is not.
 
One should try and be careful they are not marrying a man who is just after a greencard, visa or the money. Though ofcourse, many women wouldnt marry such a man if they knew about him beforehand. . . still many do . . bcz they believe that being married to a no-good is still better than remaining unmarried. . (and no one can judge them). And it again stresses the foolishness of marrying a guy one has met recently, out of "love". The "love" of the woman may actually be "greed" for the man. This is especially a warning to our foreign sisters. Make sure you know your husband's intentions are honourable and he intends on maintaining you.
 
This can EASILY be ensured through a pre-nup contract . . .or simply, the NIKAH contract (You can put in any reasonable conditions you want, including restrictingv your husband to one marriage, and the husband has to agree to them, or negotiate with u before Nikah) . . .If the potential husband is reluctant to sign something . . . I hear warning bells. I am not at ALL saying that ALL men are like that. . .and one needs to wary of EVERYONE. Just men you cannot find anyone to vouch for, and do not know or have met recently before he proposed. And you dont have to worry about the validity of your nikah contract in the eyes of your foriegn law. Because a contract is a contract, and once signed NEEDS to be fulfilled. Simple legal principle.
 
(Btw, to those who may be thinking about the part of restricting a muslim man to one marriage in the nikah contract . . .if a muslimah feels she cannot share a husband, she can put forward her reservation b4 the nikah, and include it in the contract. Nothing wrong abt it islamically.  The woman can put in as many securing clauses in there as she wants. And by agreeing to marry her/signing the husband is bound to honour his contract. I'll try find a refernce for this later, however this view is shared by Dr. Zakir Naik, and his views are always according to Sahih Hadith, Sunnah and Qur'an)
 
 


Edited by Chrysalis - 09 June 2008 at 3:03am
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martha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote martha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2008 at 4:14am
hehe, have you read my other posts? LOL
 
btw, I didn't say anything about the woman being the breadwinner. Often both husband and wife need to work,especially if the husbands money goes back home to care for family members that don't work. Of course in Pakistan, women sit around gossiping and drinking tea dont they. What a shame they don't see life as it is in the UK. Perhaps then they would understand the 'real world' instead of their own insular culture. No offence intended, sister. Unfortunately, many see life in the UK as an easy ride.
 
Feel free to pm me if you want to know moreWink
some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2008 at 6:57am
Agian it comes down to perceptions..
 
Lots of women all over the world work, really in essence TWO jobs, in and out of the home. They financially have no choice. Either you are poor OR the place you reside in is tow expensive to live in without two incomes.
 
Yes there are some women who COULD stay home and work only at home and choose not to.
 
Some well to do women in Pakistan do sit around and drink tea.. so to speak, but really only the well to do. THat is only a small percentage of women there. Most women work, they work hard keeping the home cleanm and neat, or if they are villagers, collecting wood, water, feeding livestock etc.
 
I know a guy in US, whose wife spends all her time and work, he works also and does all the cooking and cleaning as well as picking up kids etc. She has made a choice to do the work she does.
 
So we can pull out all types of examples....
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2008 at 10:26am
Originally posted by martha martha wrote:

Of course in Pakistan, women sit around gossiping and drinking tea dont they. What a shame they don't see life as it is in the UK. Perhaps then they would understand the 'real world' instead of their own insular culture. No offence intended, sister. Unfortunately, many see life in the UK as an easy ride.
 
Feel free to pm me if you want to know moreWink
 
WHOA!!! Hold on there!
 
First of all . . .since I NEVER said ANYTHING abt British Women . . .NOR did I ever say they have an easy ride . . .  Wht gives u the right to paint all Pakistani women the same way (as tea-drinking gossip-mongers)?
Perhaps u didnt mean to be offensive, but that hardly seems like a positive perception.
 
Do'u wanna know which section of the Pak women 'sit around gossiping and drinking tea'? A part of of the middle or upper class. You would be surprised at the number of working women.
 
You find them in the villages working in fields, or making handicrafts at home. Or you will find them working as househelp (OFTEN as the breadwinners might I add.)
 
MAJORITY of all teachers in Pakistan are WOMEN. Women have worked in the Parliament, as head of state . . . .our current Finance Minister is a lady . . .
 
They work in Madrassahs, and teach religion. They run NGOs. Btw again, the number of females compared to males in NGOs is higher in Pakistan. MORE women are principals of Schools and Colleges than Men.
 
Medical field. . .same story. And not ONLY as Nurses, as DOCTORS.
 
The ONLY feilds where I see a lack of women workers is as Engineers, Researchers, Taxi Drivers and .... will have to think of another field.
 
I come from a middle class background. . .and many of my female relatives have not had high-school/univ diplomas even. But I have 5 Aunts from both sides, and ALL have worked at some point on another. 2 of them still do. I know LOADS of women from all walks of life who work. . . I have a (sort of) grandmother, who is 60 plus, and STILL works . . .
 
To cut a LONG story short. Pakistani women are not the idle-minds you think they are.


Edited by Chrysalis - 09 June 2008 at 10:49am
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martha View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote martha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2008 at 11:28am
Chrysalis,
Well, thankyou for putting me straight.Smile
 
some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shasta'sAunt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 June 2008 at 1:50am
Salaams Sisters:
 
You have only to go to KIVA to see Muslim women from all over the world applying for microloans to help them with their small businesses. Many of these women are the sole breadwinners, even when married, and there are a large number from Pakistan.
 
While you are there you might ponder joining in. The loans are interest-free and once repaid you can loan the money again.
 


Edited by Shasta'sAunt - 13 June 2008 at 1:52am
�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt
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