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Stuck between Right and Wrong
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Patience View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 August 2005
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Points: 6 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Patience Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Stuck between Right and Wrong
    Posted: 01 August 2005 at 11:21pm

As Salaamu Aliakum,

I am a muslim sister who is stuck in understanding on how to choice my route in life. I do have faith in ALLAH(swt) So why is it so hard to deal with the fact that I am so lonely. I am very honest and will say that I have made major mistakes. My problem right now is that I have 3 children and they have different fathers. I thought I wanted to be with my most recent baby's, father. I AM SO STUCK! He did convert to Islam. I just cant get over the past things he has done to me. I know I should be married, but im not and cant change the fact that I have children out of wedlock. I also feel like I want to be with my first childs father. He is locked up. They both are muslim but the one locked up is more into studying Islam than the other one.

I just dont understand why I am so confused and why its so hard. I see my faith is not as strong as I would like it. I dont know what to do anymore... Please help! Inshaallah!
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J.R. View Drop Down
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Joined: 25 June 2005
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Points: 87 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote J.R. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 August 2005 at 2:34am
Assalamu Alaikum,

Sister, I know ever since I reverted to Islam I've gone though periods of
major loneliness. Do not let mistakes or bad decisions you've made in
life keep you from Islam. It seems you are looking for a serious Muslim
man but even if the first man is serious about studying Islam more than
the other, can he provide for you from where he is? Can he be the
husband that can be in your daily life and help provide for the children?
Well if he is a Muslim man he is responsible for providing for his child. Is
he doing this at all? I will pray for you.

J.R.
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Rose View Drop Down
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Points: 167 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 August 2005 at 5:51am

AlSalam 3alaikom,

I am sorry your going through all of that but don't think about the past if your really trying to change because you will go no where.Think about your future and ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness (Allah Is the Most forgiver) if it is really coming from your heart. About the guy you want to marry, you are the only person that can decide and know whats best for you. Inshallah Allah will guide you to the right decision.

Peace
A thorn defends the rose,harming only those who would steal the blossom
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herjihad View Drop Down
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Points: 2473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote herjihad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2005 at 3:26am

Bismillah,

Salaamu Alaykum.  Change is difficult for everyone.  Don't believe them when they say it is not.  Maybe a very small percentage of people find change easy, or it is easy for awhile, and then there are times when they think about things they used to do that they like, and it becomes hard at that time.

Some people will say that your behavior is a lack of faith, and maybe that is true, but that doesn't make you not Muslim.  Islaam is about faith and following the guidance of Allah, SWT, as much as you are able as an individual.  Maybe people will judge our mistakes, but it is Allah, SWT's forgiveness, understanding, and guidance we seek.

I don't mean to be rude.  We can do without men if we really try.  Whatever reason you think you need one, are they going to fulfill this for you in reality, or is it a temporary promise of fulfillment, and then they don't live up to their promises?  You can be a good mom and muslimah without a man.  That's an all right thing to do also.

But if you keep one, it's easy to get married in Islaam.  Why not marry the one that YOU want since you seem to have a choice?  It's easy to seem like a good Muslim from prison, but will he really behave nicely when he is out?

You could just take your time and back away from this situation to give yourself room to make an Islaamic decision.  May Allah, SWT, guide you, sister.
Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Angel View Drop Down
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Points: 6641 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2005 at 7:03am
Originally posted by herjihad herjihad wrote:

I don't mean to be rude.  We can do without men if we really try.  Whatever reason you think you need one, are they going to fulfill this for you in reality, or is it a temporary promise of fulfillment, and then they don't live up to their promises?  You can be a good mom and muslimah without a man.  That's an all right thing to do also.

I somewhat agree, men aren't always the solution to your inner problems. maybe take time out from men and concentrate on yourself and the kids, taking a break can give you a fresh and new perspective on things, and maybe you'll figure out what you truly want also.

Quote You could just take your time and back away from this situation to give yourself room to make an Islaamic decision.  May Allah, SWT, guide you, sister.

Good advice

~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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