Converted American issue with Pakistan husband

First time posting to site and just hoping for insight or even an Imam to give me opinion .
I Am American woman, I was divorced from first marriage in 1995. I have three grown daughters from first marriage. I stayed single and celebate until I met and married my Pakistan husband 10yrs ago.
We recently moved to new area and joined the local mosque. I was excited to maybe finally have friends since I have always been too busy to have social connections. But this is where the problem comes in.
My husband has decided I'm not to tell anyone of my grown children and I'm not to have their photos hanging up when guest comes to visit.
   I also have a grandson who is 5yrs old. He was with us this past January when two families came to our home for dinner. I was not allowed to say he was my grandson so had to lie and tell guest he was my cousins son.
Next issue is that my daughter who is mother to my grandson has not made good decisions with her life. I have done so much for her to try and help out so she could get job and make $$ to take care of her and son. She is unmarried and lives in other people's homes till they decide to kick her out. Her now ex boyfriend wants her and son to move out. No car, no job, no money. She again asked if I would keep grandson for May-August till his school begins. I was ok with having him for 4 months but husband is angry with how she calls him names and is disrespectful to me so refuses to let me have grandson in our home so his mother can go look for job and another place to stay.
I'm so upset by his refusal. My upbringing and morals tell me I should go against my husband and go pick up my grandson. But I know he would make me get back in car and make me drive him 3 hrs back to his homeless mother. It was this bad back in February when I took grandson to her and people she stayed with made them stay out in cold garage till nighttime.
Also, I am 9 yrs older than my husband. This too he wants to make sure no one knows. My husbands reasoning is that if I tell other people at mosque they will ask questions and look down on him and say things behind our backs about us.
I hate lying, and am starting to hold much anger toward my husband and his mother who also agrees with him ( she lives with us 7 months now)
Is there anything I can say to convince him we should be doing right by my 5 yr old grandson? Any verse in quaran that I can use to make him see reason?
Men's perspective greatly appreciated also...thank you

walaikum assalum muslimahghuruba,
Thank you for having courage to write me and share your insight.
When I first met my husband I told him of my children who were teens at that time. He refused to tell his mother who was still living in Pakistan till 5 yrs into marriage. His father died not knowing of my children. My children found this out that his mother didn't know of them and it caused sadness and anger. Since then two of my children have forgiven him. But the one with son has never gotten along with my husband.
It is cultural choice he is basing decisions on.
Just like not telling his parents about my children because he wanted them to meet me first and base opinions on me in person. I wasn't able to meet them in person due to funds until 7 months ago his mother came to the states.
You have given me much to think on, and to be honest I have not read quaran as much as I should have to look for guidance. I will try and find quotes on my rights and rights towards my children.
Thank you sister. May Allah bless you, Inshallah

I agree to keeping peace in home, which is why I have stayed silent for so long, but now my grandson is older and his hardship is more realized.
They live 3hrs away and she having no car has had no way to visit in the past.
I did watch grandson this past December 26-Feb.10 due to such cold temperatures and hardship his mother was dealing with. My husband requested i take him back to his mother since we had company coming the following week and couldn't take him on a tour with us. Otherwise I would of kept him till August.
When i took him back to his mother she and I had argument on the fact of me bringing him back to bad state of living. I made the mistake of relating her harsh words against my husband and our religion back to him. This is think is real reason he won't let me watch grandson again is due to her disrespect and his pride.
Also, I as her mother want to giver her the benefit of trying to find job, home etc. This isn't the first time she has had me watch grandson. Its been many times. She has found a few jobs, but always loses them for whatever reasons and then we start this all over again.
My other children can't help her due to living situations they are in. My sister and parents did take her in for short time. She is without a doubt a hard person to live with. Speaks her mind and misunderstands everything we try and tell her. Always confrontational in the past. I have seen some changes for the good in her, but still not enough for family members to take her in.
Its not for her but for my grandson that I am trying to find a way to make husband understand that wether its this time or another time that we should always be available to a child.

Edited by ConvPakWife - 22 May 2015 at 7:37am

An apology has been offered by my daughter in past but then another argument erases it. Financially she has never paid back from the past the few times we asked for minimal compensation. My mother In law was very kind to grandson when he was here before, and I have tried already with her to convince but she agrees with my husband in this matter. We have some language barriers but in the end she was of a Pakistan culture thinking than Islamic.
My daughter is now saying that since I cannot make decisions on my own and watch my grandson then she will move wherever and not inform me and I won't see him again for long time. I don't know if she would actually do this but just thinking it breaks my heart to not see him for long time.
I will continue to pray for a way to open his heart. In the mean time I find it very hard to not join in conversation with the women from Mosque when they speak of children's experiences or ideas and I must sit quiet and not share my own. My husband doesn't see it as lying but withholding facts.