My depression is killing me

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   Firstly I'd like to give an apology if I posted on the wrong side

So here goes,

Hi everyone I've been going through a very tough time in life again,

It's been almost a year since my wife left me I'm 32 years old she was my first in everything I truly loved her and stuck with her helped her through everything in her troubles one of the reason being I had a very bad childhood I was raped and molested by a man and a woman for years and overcame my depression in life through marriage seeing how she eased my hearts pain (I hadn't yet revealed what I went through in my childhood) I only began to love her more and more even started praying 5 times a day giving zakat etc 

Till recently I found out the love was all an act she secretly was biding her time untill she got her papers to stay in the country without any problems I never saw it coming we were happy no arguments nothing she is the best damn actress in the world

(I married a foreigner).

When she had gotten the stay she had me buy her plane ticket for (aswell as milking out any other gifts as much as she could) her to visit her parents and when she got there all happily with love still playing me along she accused me of cheating being abusive and even went so far as to attack my manhood that I can't 'perform' and various other things just to make herself look like the victim.

 Also I found out she was cheating on me , everyone I know, knows about this and it has destroyed my life I have no friends or relatives anymore now (even though I barely had any friends before this but now I know who really are my friends sadly none now) I married into family so everyone thinks why the hell would she do this he is guilty and as obviously only women are ever the victim >.> 

Even though I hate her for what she did even though I will never ever take her back the thoughts of her being with another man is killing me.

I am almost in tears everyday wondering why again and I've tried everything to get better but now I don't pray only juma or abuse tramadol when I can get some or drink alcohol to make myself feel better I joined a gym for a month and gave up again my weights ballooned back to 315 pounds lost my job back home with the parents ffs I could use some advice guys how did you come out of this rut or should I just man up and take each day as it comes.

Thanks for taking the time read.

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Tainted Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Male Joined: 04 May 2016 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 5	Post Options Post Reply Quote Tainted Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: My depression is killing me Posted: 04 May 2016 at 2:50pm
	Firstly I'd like to give an apology if I posted on the wrong side So here goes, Hi everyone I've been going through a very tough time in life again, It's been almost a year since my wife left me I'm 32 years old she was my first in everything I truly loved her and stuck with her helped her through everything in her troubles one of the reason being I had a very bad childhood I was raped and molested by a man and a woman for years and overcame my depression in life through marriage seeing how she eased my hearts pain (I hadn't yet revealed what I went through in my childhood) I only began to love her more and more even started praying 5 times a day giving zakat etc Till recently I found out the love was all an act she secretly was biding her time untill she got her papers to stay in the country without any problems I never saw it coming we were happy no arguments nothing she is the best damn actress in the world (I married a foreigner). When she had gotten the stay she had me buy her plane ticket for (aswell as milking out any other gifts as much as she could) her to visit her parents and when she got there all happily with love still playing me along she accused me of cheating being abusive and even went so far as to attack my manhood that I can't 'perform' and various other things just to make herself look like the victim. Also I found out she was cheating on me , everyone I know, knows about this and it has destroyed my life I have no friends or relatives anymore now (even though I barely had any friends before this but now I know who really are my friends sadly none now) I married into family so everyone thinks why the hell would she do this he is guilty and as obviously only women are ever the victim >.> Even though I hate her for what she did even though I will never ever take her back the thoughts of her being with another man is killing me. I am almost in tears everyday wondering why again and I've tried everything to get better but now I don't pray only juma or abuse tramadol when I can get some or drink alcohol to make myself feel better I joined a gym for a month and gave up again my weights ballooned back to 315 pounds lost my job back home with the parents ffs I could use some advice guys how did you come out of this rut or should I just man up and take each day as it comes. Thanks for taking the time read.

NABA Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Joined: 13 December 2012 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 867	Post Options Post Reply Quote NABA Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 May 2016 at 2:31am
	The remedy for this is reading Quran and following it,u r doing wrong by not praying and drinking alcohol, Allah forbids alcohol in ch 5 v 90 of Quran, Allah in ch 74 v 43-44 of Quran says Allah will ask the sinners for what they were in hell,they will reply that they didn't offer prayers and didn't do charity,moreover you should be thankful that Allah showed you her true face,whenever you are cheated don't be sad instead thank Allah that he gave u experience of not loving or believing someone blindly,and make urself strong,take hits and move forward.

ArabicTruth Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Male Joined: 21 April 2016 Status: Offline Points: 3	Post Options Post Reply Quote ArabicTruth Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 May 2016 at 9:39am
	Brother, Pray to Allah for a way out and repent inside and outside. THEN, THE NEXT STEP IS GO TO A TRUSTED PSYCHIATRIST. Many Muslims might not tell you that, but do it brother, he's met hundreds if not thousands like you. May Allah grant you ease and Jannah.

aka2x2 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Joined: 12 September 2006 Status: Offline Points: 446	Post Options Post Reply Quote aka2x2 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 2016 at 12:37am
	I totally agree with ArabicTruth. You have had a hard life and very bad experiences. Not having any friends is not helping you. You need professional help. May God have mercy on you and help you in your grief...
	Respectfully aka2x2

Emma Santiago Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Female Joined: 18 May 2016 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 7	Post Options Post Reply Quote Emma Santiago Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 May 2016 at 3:20am
	just get rid of your negative thoughts..dont let things which disturb you hover over your mind.keep yourself busy with the things you like.why do you cancel meetings with friends meet them try to enjoy tke everything positively.And yes please try meditation it will help you.Try thinking about some good things

Sultana99 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 28 May 2016 Status: Offline Points: 25	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sultana99 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 May 2016 at 10:04am
	Assalamalikum I think just like Cunning people very proudly honorably exist in the society and we cannot do any harm or drive them away and to meet their worldly goals they do harm and use good people like us and we feel like *****s feel hurt humiliated and go backwards by a few years in our growth due to these I'll effects . But whatever our gender we finally have to accept this as well as realize plenty of good people exist in this world with whom we should form our own society . your lucky your a male and no children out of this marriage now with you while your so unstable

herbamuslim Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Joined: 12 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 8	Post Options Post Reply Quote herbamuslim Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 June 2016 at 12:40am
	Firstly, congratulations on speaking about your trials and seeking help. You have no idea how great a step you have already taken and you're already on your way to overcoming this hurdle insha-Allah. Whoever is successful in observing patience in the face of adversities comes under the Mercy of Allah. Thus, Allah Subhaanahu wata'aala states in the Magnificent Qur'aan: "And we will surely test you with some fear and hunger and with some paucity of wealth and lives and crops; and give glad tidings to those who patiently endure. Those who say when calamity befalls them, �Indeed we belong to Allah and indeed it is to Him we are to return.� These are the people upon those are the blessings from their Rabb, and mercy; and it is they who are on the right path." (Surah-Al-Baqarah, Part. 2, Verse. 155-157) (Kanz-ul-Iman [Translation of Qur'aan]) So, whoever observes impatience in the moments of miseries, utters discourteous reckless comments, engages in self-loathing acts or contemplates suicide in sheer frustration... he, after having failed badly in the trial, entangles himself in troubles a billion times more severe in intensity than those worldly tribulations. Impatience can never avert troubles, instead the great reward which may become due on observing patience is lost, which itself is a great misfortune. I urge you to PM me brother, Insha-Allah if nothing and nobody else, I am one who truly desires for you the best and would be honored to assist you with your tribulations. Just PM me if you are open to a more private and discreet conversation on the matter

Tainted Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Male Joined: 04 May 2016 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 5	Post Options Post Reply Quote Tainted Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 July 2016 at 11:34pm
	Walaikam Salam yes you are right my eyes are now open to the world where they were once closed on how evil people can be but now due to that it's made me so closed off to others now and to allah because how I always did my best to do right in life had no girlfriends and in the end to be rewarded with this, who I thought to have married a perfect partner who cared about her deen but instead leaving me devoid of any happiness and it is a good thing I never had a child with her but yet I only view it as yet again another form of punishment as I really really wanted children in the end I found out it is highly unlikely I'll ever be able to have children through natural conception instead having to rely on IVF I don't know what I've done to keep getting punished like this, in the end I keep blaming allah why do all these impossible odds of bad luck keeps on happening to me and I know it's very wrong to keep feeling the way I do I want to pray again like I used to I want to have love in my heart for Allah like I used to but why the hell does impossible keep happening as if some higher power has a vendetta I know it's wrong but it's how I feel and now I post this when Ramadan is nearly over and I haven't even prayed once and I hate myself for it but every time I talk to allah it's always me asking why won't you help me I hate how 'familiar' I am with Allah now as if it's a friend I'm talking to how I can speak however I want and I hate it so to stop all this negativity and honestly I feel blasphemous I get so guilty that I've stopped at all entirely I'm afraid I'll anger allah even more if I carry on that way than just blindly worshipping him and trying to keep that voice inside silent.