islam, marriage and alcohol.

Asalaam Alaikum,

Welcome to the Forum,

In essence you married what amounts to a nonMuslim.. he does not practice the religion. He may have been "Muslim at birth" but as an adult he has chosen to reject Islam. As you have written, "he is a man of principles not religion"

Sadly this can be common.It may not have been the most important question and either someone was misrepresented or no one thought of this assuming it was arranged??  Now you are in a bit of mess. He does not pray, does not fast etc. Maybe you are changing? What would have been ok for me at 20 is not okay as I got older. Sadly some parents look can a man provide and don't check whether they actually ever pray.. like they want their kids to be doctors, lawyers or engineers but don't care if they have any faith...

The question may be what does religion and faith mean to you? Is it about "just the drinking." Drinking is not halal, but it sounds like he has "bigger" problems then drinking around "20 times per year". (For instance I have alcoholics in my family, my brother gets drunk nearly every day after work.. and I do mean drunk.)

He is not striving to follow Allah.  And really sister, if he is not practicing (basically has he rejected Islam??) then the drinking is not haram. In his own mind, if he is not following Islam then you are trying to deal with a nonreligious issue. (My opinion).  And having lived with and known people with drinking problems you cannot make him "give it up."

Not that you want it,  but if he is not practicing his religion, that is Islamically, grounds for divorce.

What I would do first and foremost: pray to Allah.  Do many, many prayers.

Then you have to decide what you want in YOUR life. If you are a practicing Muslim it is almost like you married a person of another faith. (His mom did and now her son is quite agnostic.) Anyone who is very serious about their religion would find the whole thing troublesome.

If you are fine with all things (minus the drinking) then you have two options:
1. Live with it and not say anything
2. Speak up. He says not to "change him" well we all give and take in a relationship. We all "change" for our partners. Its not like you are asking him to give up all aspects of his life. Just the drinking is upsetting you. If he does not have a drinking - addiction - problem. He should not be hard to give up. If he refuses you know where you stand.

Then you have to decide what you can live with.

Many people who don't want religion often its because they are filled with their own self-ego and think they "know what they need to know" and no one will tell them what to do.. They like to feel important. And they'd have to "give up" things.

At that point its up to Allah..

my Duas for you sister..

 


Edited by Hayfa - 16 March 2010 at 6:18am

and the main issue is i dont like the idea of him drinking. I hate it. i hate to know that he drinks. yet he does not want to stop.

As Salamu Alaikum

Sister, why don't you work towards increasing his faith and strive him to be a practicing muslim. Also try to get rid him rid of such freinds. Company influences alot. Try to keep him away from such friends.

Share to him the evils of drinking and remind him punishment in Islam for drinkers. Infact i remember having read that the janazah prayers of people who drink are not to be done !!!

Here are the hadiths which i wish you share with him. Its weak Imaan and fear of Allah, that makes a person not realise the seriousness of committing a sin

Jaabir reported that he said: �Allaah has promised the one who drinks khamr that He will make him drink the mud of khibaal.� The people asked, �O Messenger of Allaah, what is the mud of khibaal?� He said, �The sweat of the people of Hell, or the juice of the people of Hell.�

(Reported by Muslim, 3/1587).


Ibn Abbaas reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: �Whoever dies and has the habit of drinking khamr, he will meet Allaah as one who worships idols.�

(Reported by al-Tabaraani, 12/45; see also Saheeh al-Jaami�, 6525)

"Alcohol paralyses the senses, makes one lurch, and vomit, extinguishes the feeble glimmer of reason which flickers in our poor minds. It soon overcomes the strongest man, and turns him into a raging beast who with empurpled face and bloodshot eyes, bellows forth oaths and threats against his surroundings and insults imaginary enemies. Never in any animal species, not among pigs, nor jackals, nor donkeys, is such ignominy to be found. The ugliest thing in creation is the drunkard, a repulsive being, the sight of whom makes one ashamed to belong to the same living species." (Dr Charles Richet, Paris - Nobel Prize Winner of Physiology)

May Allah help you towards making him a practising muslim. Start up by making duas, sis.

I am a believer and practicer of islam. My husband is a muslim by birth. He does not practice Islam though he has a muslim name. I loved him and married him. He has a drinking problem. He likes to consume alcohol when he's with his non-muslim friends. though he does not gets drunk and creates problems, I am totally against it. He has said that he enjoys it and will not stop. it happens atleast about 20 times a year. Yet i am a happy woman with him till i know he's going to drink. I don't want to lose him and yet i don't like him drinking. what should i do?