Ties Of Kinship

1 to keep your calm after talking to others so that you don�t become depressed and you can do your studies peacefully

2 youll maintain enough ties of kinship that you can help them not in how to dry clothes tips but genuine life problems big ones like buying property , marriage , disease etc .save you ties of kinship for big things

3 don�t talk on how to dry clothes , don�t talk on vulgar topics , don�t talk of clothes brands material things , don�t give lecture on how to be a topper .look mostly no one is interested at least not to hear from others these normal topics will cause so much of triggers in people including you because thoughts attitudes past experiences all differ . so even opinion on drying clothes can become a difference of opinion , hurt both people, and their goes your tie of kinship

4 talk pleasantly , on nonsense , about other people about general topics topmost single news event don�t show what a great news paper reader you are . complement on their achievement . add them on facebook do lots of face booking . no st**id talk again only sharing . never forget your salaams ,

The first rule in social interaction is not to socialise until you have learnt .because it will go wrong and that will hurt you and you will go back . people will say something bad because most people don�t know correct social interaction and due to their weak iman . its very difficult to forget a bad experience and if you said anything back and argued or humiliated anyone  or made rude gestures then when the time comes in a few years when you have mastered social interaction and especially how to control your own emotions during social interactions and how to read assess peoples genuineness and how to give excuses for their shortcomings and bad interactions and behaviour . by that time you and your relative(s) will have developed so much distance that your ties of kinship will remain hung until the end . trust me its very difficult to forget bad experience bad words  , you may even forgive a person but its very very difficult and unlikely to apologise and its very difficult for anyone to accept apology so rule number two never argue or quarrel because it causes humiliation to both and shaitan only wants that that muslims should live humiliated .

Assalamuailikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Dear brothers/sisters,

I have problem within myself, that i can't change, problems conversing with my family or cousin, im too quiet, i get nervous easily in conversation, my big problem is, i can't maintain ties of relationship , and im making my family and cousin disappointed and hating me by avoiding them and not maintaining ties with them.

Sometimes they make me nervous as well, keep asking why im so quiet , say something, everyone is talking and they give me that stare that i was not talking to them, maybe it was perceived as rudeness, so they do not talk to me as well, i get very anxious and negative when people try to communicate with me asking me to be be sporting, i wanted to make things more lively but its just not my thing so i avoid them(cousins), i don't speak much and avoid speaking cause whenever i speak, things so weird comes out, its something i tried to change , but i feel like i lost my capabilities to talk to people, due to my past i always isolated myself (longest 6 months) eversince i was 14 y/o till now 21 y/o, cause during that time im so anxious meeting people due to past experiences, socially mostly, but i have forgotten the past cause people was naive but it took a toll on me, i believe i am at fault for not being more human and being more socialising, theres a part of me that i find hopeless to socialise, things wont pop up in my head, so whenever people talk i remember to speak only good and not sound arrogant or ignorant to people, cause im afraid i make things negative as always ,that i will always messing things up and people avoid me, i always end up talking about the negativity, so i stopped talking to my cousin, if i were to talk i would be asking very simple question but i never once asked how are they (cousins) and my family sometimes i do talk to them, but not like asking them like how they doing because everyone is busy, my mom do pray but the rest of my family doesn't.. recently i just started pursuing islam , eversince i was young , i feel like i need to turn to god, and always afraid to disobey him, first i seek islam through my father, but he knew nothing of islam , i believe he was into magic of some sort, Allahu alam, so i learnt it online by seeing opinion and sunnah.com, to look for prove and all and i keep myself minimal after that, i have corrected some part of me, and the thing that make me feel worse, there is a hadith that made my deen more harder as i feel like there is no hope of entering jannah unless allah swt allows it, but the prophet saw has said it.

http://sunnah.com/bukhari/78/15

حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنْ عُقَيْلٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، أَنَّ مُحَمَّدَ بْنَ جُبَيْرِ بْنِ مُطْعِمٍ، قَالَ إِنَّ جُبَيْرَ بْنَ مُطْعِمٍ أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّهُ، سَمِعَ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏ "‏ لاَ يَدْخُلُ الْجَنَّةَ قَاطِعٌ ‏"‏‏.‏

Narrated Jubair bin Mut`im:
That he heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, "The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise."

Reference: Sahih al-Bukhari 5984
In-book reference: Book 78, Hadith 15
USC-MSA web (English) reference: Vol. 8, Book 73, Hadith 13

Technically , i have failed my duties in maintaining my ties of kinship, i failed allah swt, and my intention wasnt to cut ties but i have no choice , so i don't intervene with their happy lives.

i feel confuse will i ever be safe afterlife, i do pray 5 times a day, offer nawafil, read some translated quran , do my own research on hadith as well and compiling them for remembrance, i tried as much to please Allah SWT , but after seeing this hadith it broke me , and my effort feels like it wont be good enough anymore, nowadays i pray salah asking Allah SWT to admit me in jannah eventho im not maintaining my ties and i all i can do is to avoid, but they(cousins) too do not maintain ties with my family, i feel both of us is at wrong. cause i have alot of cousin that i do not talked to , closes , maybe one or two person. Only During Eid Al-Fitr we visit in one household tgt but some do not mix with others well, including me, i only talked to two other cousins only. The other day it was my fault to not attend the wedding of my cousins and helped them to prepare because i was afraid of meeting them, i am ashamed of myself , im useless, i do not know how to help people including myself. Now im 21 years old, but my mentality isnt what my age is due to isolation. i blame myself for being weak , i need answers from you guys, inshallah there might be a way to Jannah.. Dua for me , my name is Al-'Afif Bin(ibn) Rusli. Jazakallah Khair.


Edited by Al-Afif - 05 July 2016 at 2:41am