Question for muslim brothers

Moona wrote: Since my husband and I got married,I have been the main provider for us. But I have no say in anything financial,other than paying ALL the bills. After 3 years of this,it is making me VERY sad,I find myself becoming more and more depressed. He will say,"I will buy you the Jilbab you want,go ahead and buy it".So,I of course buy it with my money.My own GIFT from him,I pay for.Not too long ago I was missing having a pet,so he said "I will buy you a fishtank,go get it." So I do,again with my money...and he never pay's for this supposed gift to me. Now,I wish so much that I did not have my own income.We are saving to build our own home.I have been waiting for over 3 years to be able to make a home  a home.Now the other day he told me he is the one to decorate it,he wont let me put my own feminine touch's to the home.I pay all the bill's,but I feel like a prisoner.Right now we are living in America,but plan on building our home back in his country. I am becoming nervous about moving there permanetly.If he is like this here,what will my life be like there? I have been there,and loved it.But that was when we first got married.Now,for me,life is a drudge. I am very depressed. I am almost to the point of asking him to go back alone.The stress has just become too much for me.I love him,but I cant take this stress anymore. Moona

Moona

 From what I make out of your post, you are the major contributor to the problem by giving him access to money when his attitude appears too questionable.

It is very simple. But you need to also realize this�..once you put money into a joint account or give it to him, that money is not yours exclusively anymore, it belongs to him or the family (depending on whether it is his account or a joint one)

However, we need to know why you are the main provider in this scenario. If your husband does work to his best but is not making enough to provide a reasonable lifestyle and you are pitching in, sister, in the world we live in now, most of us are doing this. We are doing this so that we can live comfortably and have a sense of security in a world of uncertainty. And in this scenario, this is my take on the issue. If a person (regardless og gender)makes 100$ and spends all of it for the family, this doesn�t make him/her a bigger contributor than his wife/husband who may make only 50$ and they spend all of it on the family too. 

If your situation is because of your husband not working at all and not making an effort to work then his behavior is not Islamic and not even fair. My saying so would not solve your problem. I think that you realize this fact very well. And you are not comfortable with it. I would ask you why you are doing this.  You say you are stressed but surely this is for us on this forum. I assume you are being sweetly accommodative with your husband. Which brings us to why? Are you scared of losing his love? Or losing him altogether? Please PM me if you are hesitant to discuss this on the forum.

Regards

rk06 wrote: Asalamu Alicum, I know this is a very late reply,but I felt that I should contribute to this dicussion what I know. I myself am a practicing women and like much of the comments made here on this topic of women and their earnings,I also always had the view that it is the duty of the men to provide for their wives and WHEN I earned,I would do what I want with ALL of my money.However,I have now changed my view. It is true that the womens money is hers only and she does not have the responsibilty to provide for anyone and there is no sin upon her if she does not spend it for her family-even if they are in need.However,a very good and american learned scholar (Mash-Allah),from Zaituna institue in America pointed out that we must remember that what ever we have in life is from Allah.It is a risq from Allah.it is only he who decides who gets how muchand how they recieve it.And in a household,that could be either through the men or the women-that is risq itself.And he also reminded that after the Prophet (SAW) started to recieve the revelations,it was lady Khadija (RAA),his wife who provided. I think much of the times we take islamic principles and rules and forget that it needs to be applied with wisdom.And especially when it comes to marriage,one should always remember to be loving and mercyful to each other  as marriage is something very very great in islam. Allah Knows Best. rk

What loving mother is not going to spend her money on her children's welfare if for some reason the husband cannot get or does not have the money?

Moona wrote: Do you believe it is the husbands duty for the financial support of his wife and children? Or do you believe the wife should contribute financially as well if she can? And if the wife makes more money than the husband? Isnt her income considered to be her money? Thank you for your response.Moona

As Salam Alaikum,

According to hadith and Al- Qur'an, it is the man's responsibility to provide whatever his family needs.  The woman may work if she desires and may provide herself and her family with whatever she wants but she can also keep the money for only herself if she desires.  But even if the woman is working and receiving more money than her husband, it is still the husband's responsibility to provide for his wife and family.