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His view; Her view
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    Posted: 27 July 2006 at 10:52pm
Originally posted by <span =bold>Maryah Maryah wrote:

As the book says, Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars: our upbringings. attitudes and focus are completely different. It is manmade rules that state I cannot attend Haj without the permission of my husband and must be with a mahram male, I dont find the prophet saying anything about it in Sunnah or Qur'an. But I will comply because it is the rule and accepted way. Can anyone point me to the source of this rule?


Sister: I haven't read the book which I believe covers the dating and relationship- not a required reading for muslims any way. So no comments from my side on the book.
Other point of permission from your husband for the performance of Wajib(Obligatory) Hajj is recommended only and not a requirement per shriah. If the husband is less of a practitioner, may join the wife and be able to mend his ways by the overall experience. The main restriction comes from the Saudi Arabian Visa regulations. Any ways if the husband says no, the wife can still proceed if the  Mahram or a group is arranged. I would not go to hajj alone under any circumstances at my stage in life. We went with 3 other couples and I was in early 50s, after all the efforts I could not Kiss the hujjar e aswad. The woman folks need their mahram's company for the contigencies. You just can't imagine the pace and condition of the events while millions perfoming the exam like rituals and you do not want to miss any part. If you want to go for a seconds, for the sake of the family economics and peace the woman should be to convince the husband to make arrangement. Otherwise the marriage itself is not very strong footings, it would seem!! You need to consider the conditions in S. Arabia under all circumstances.
http://www.islamonline.net/English/hajj/2002/01/fatawa/artic le3.shtml#12
Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.
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Daniel Dworsky View Drop Down
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It brings us back to that old philosophical riddle:

If a man is alone in the forest,
Is he still wrong?


There's nothing like a good joke and
               
...that was nothing like a good joke

ookayeee

Edited by Daniel Dworsky
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herjihad View Drop Down
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Originally posted by Cassandra Cassandra wrote:

I am going out on a real limb here, and frankly don't expect much response.  But lately I have recognised a real divisive line between the responses of men and the responses of women to, Iraq, and more recently, the horrors of Lebanon.  Men seem to be looking at territorial rights, strategy, weapons, economics, world support, lack of world support, previous conflicts, oh, I don't know, I am not a man.  Women on the other hand seem to be looking at wounds, separation, death, pity,fear, human rights, shortage, children, water, electricity, food, structure.

I don't think I want to comment on any of this.  Would anyone else care to?

Bismillah,

I was discussing this Mars/Venus idea with a friend the other day.  I don't think that all of the generalizations made about the sexes are true for Westerners in that book.  And I feel strongly that many of the ideas are completely switched around as regards to the middle eastern male/female mentalities.

There are social and cultural aspects to people as well as the upbringing their individual families gave them.  I've known some very gentle, caring men, and some aggressive abusive females.

Those role ideas are awfully fun to joke about though.  We've got to laugh at something!

Salaamu Alaykum



Edited by herjihad
Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Points: 2473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote herjihad Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 July 2006 at 8:45pm

It is manmade rules that state I cannot attend Haj without the permission of my husband and must be with a mahram male, I dont find the prophet saying anything about it in Sunnah or Qur'an. But I will comply because it is the rule and accepted way. Can anyone point me to the source of this rule?

Bismillah,

Sister Maryah,

Whatever anyone says about it, my friend who is from Egypt, returned this year from, I think her sixth hajj.  She accompanied a group of older people as their aide and guide.  Her husband stayed home and watched the kids.

Go with a group, unless you and your husband want to go together.

Salaamu Alaykum
Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Cassandra View Drop Down
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Points: 293 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cassandra Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 July 2006 at 7:26pm

I can't. I am the last person in the world to undertand the opposite sex without the minefield associated with understanding cultural/religiousdifferences/understanding/acceptance/previ ous/current relationships, etc......it goes on.  In fact, as I said to someone today, we all should have become homosexual years ago, given the hurt that the opposite sex causes us.  But we haven't have we?  It's not how we were made.   Something much, much stronger leads us on. (And makes us hate destruction even more if we are the ones perpetuating the species...sorry guys, it just feels like that to us. You don't seem to have had an awful lot to do with it! Not after 9 months.)  Books like the one you mention have become popular for a reason, and like all popular (and successful) things lay themselves open to criticism.  There is much in this book which lends itself to this.  And even more which makes intuitive good sense to both sexes (if we listen).

Our agenda are different.  Our reasons span millenia and are much too deep for most of us to even begin to consider. 

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Originally posted by Cassandra Cassandra wrote:

I am going out on a real limb here, and frankly don't expect much response.  But lately I have recognised a real divisive line between the responses of men and the responses of women to, Iraq, and more recently, the horrors of Lebanon.  Men seem to be looking at territorial rights, strategy, weapons, economics, world support, lack of world support, previous conflicts, oh, I don't know, I am not a man.  Women on the other hand seem to be looking at wounds, separation, death, pity,fear, human rights, shortage, children, water, electricity, food, structure.

I don't think I want to comment on any of this.  Would anyone else care to?

Peace to you Cassie..

Yes I have noticed this. I have responded to men speaking abusively of the issues of mothers,..they seem to be more interested in the strategy of war than  the results and human consequence caused  by the wars. Men cannot at times,  it seems, move beyond the military and political aspects of war. If women were in the positions of power, war would happen less I believe. We bear the physical pain of bringing children into the world: so we are not in a hurry to send them off to die. I do not care what kind of rockets they are firing, I care about the death, destruction and bereavement it causes to the children, innocent men and women under the barrage of rockets. It is horrifying to think of what these people are enduring. It is uneccessary and unjust.

As the book says, Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars: our upbringings. attitudes and focus are completely different. It is manmade rules that state I cannot attend Haj without the permission of my husband and must be with a mahram male, I dont find the prophet saying anything about it in Sunnah or Qur'an. But I will comply because it is the rule and accepted way. Can anyone point me to the source of this rule?

Wasalaam

 



Edited by Maryah
"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
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Cassandra View Drop Down
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Points: 293 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cassandra Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 July 2006 at 3:56pm

I am going out on a real limb here, and frankly don't expect much response.  But lately I have recognised a real divisive line between the responses of men and the responses of women to, Iraq, and more recently, the horrors of Lebanon.  Men seem to be looking at territorial rights, strategy, weapons, economics, world support, lack of world support, previous conflicts, oh, I don't know, I am not a man.  Women on the other hand seem to be looking at wounds, separation, death, pity,fear, human rights, shortage, children, water, electricity, food, structure.

I don't think I want to comment on any of this.  Would anyone else care to?
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