my mom wont let me marry him

Mr Abuayisha,

It appears that you are digging yourself in a depper hole. This situation perhaps is not solely about race, but at the same time we only know what we know based on the information that is provided. You constantly attempt to draw on other things when your position is refuted. You barely mentioned her father in one sentence!

You said: We are very sorry to hear that you lost your father and certainly your uncles and mom must feel an extra sense of responsiblity concerning your affairs.

Now its obvious that when your position is threatened you then now mention that the forum here is not about race but about other issues, yet the situation is about race! The situation that is being commented on is done so based upon the information that this young lady has provided. If this young lady says that she wants to marry someone non-Arab and her family doesn't want her to marry a non-Arab then, with that being said I'll take it for what it is.

I apologize to Ms. Angelino and you have my condolences on the loss of your father. I'm sure your at a difficult position. What I can say which I agree with Mr. Abuayisha is that do not make choices based on pure emotion. You must calculate your priorities and what you want. If you wish to marry, then do so but approach that decision cautiously and KNOW your consequences if you choose to go that route. Forget interracial marriages because marriage in itself is hard. I've never been married but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see some unhappy married couples who fight over differences.

I believe that if the gentleman was an Arab I'm sure Mr. Abuayisha's remarks would be a whole lot different. It's sad to see that people like Mr. Abuayisha and those who think like this respectable individual.....I call him respectable because regardless of my difference he is still respectable. The saddest thing we males can teach our women is to judge other human beings on the outside. Even the money issue bugs me. The Islamic criteria of a man in regards to supporting his wife is being a provider. To be a provider doesn't mean you have to be educated or even be wealthy. For some, this type of family structure is an innate trait in all humans.

When we start getting into the particulars of what a potential mate should be then we are thinking based on "feeling" and what our ethnic culture tells us. As Mr. Abuayisha admits most of his statements are based on "feelings" these emotions are definitely subject to fallibility of course. But what I've learned in this life in the 24-going on 25 years I've been on this planet is thaty no matter how many valid arguments you can present to these individuals their mindset will not change. The best advise I can provide for this young lady is to sit down with your parents and discuss your feelings. Tell them how you feel and how their approach to this young man makes you feel.

DO NOT DO THINGS TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY!

If we all go through life doing things to make others happy whether its marrying  someone other people think is good for us, our choices would be null and would not be sincere. For example if I help people across the street only because I know I'm being watched by others and they'll be happy with me my actions are not of my own but from my vanity. I as a Westerner do not think marrying someone just because our parents choose them is a good idea because it robs us from our own free choices. I can at least value that in American society. I'm glad I live in a country where my surrounding and my country does not force me to choose options not of my own construct.

I'm glad America has many diverse cultures because it gives me not only option but it also educates me in cultural relations. Only TRADITIONAL Arabs Europeans, Asians (South Asians) and those in between think about particulars such as honor, wealth, status, education but if all these are not perform within the confines of Islam they are all for naught. Happiness excels far great than wealth or what an individual's status is. Don't look at statistics but write yout own history. Ok I'm done with this...Finally!

We have a young girl who has recently lost her father, she is not in school and wanting to marry an African American man.  I am really troubled by her situation and feel that much of the specious arguments about race are inappropriate. 

If you are truly concerned for her, than why don't you deal directly with the issue of dealing with her grief/loss issues and seeking support? I've never saw you write anything about that? The truth is you're concerned about her marrying "The African American."

And you make seem to suttley  imply through other statements that this young man is some how manipulating her or taking advantage of her. Projection yet again!

Maybe this man is sincere in his intentions of marriage. Maybe they have bonded because perhaps he understood her feelings of loss and grief more than anyone around her? Maybe he doesn't realize or even know proper Islamic adab? Maybe he's trying to play the hero because he feel bad! Allahualim but I'm going to remain committed to believing this young man is honerable and does care for her.

Also, let's not ever forget, the one who rocks the cradle rules the world, women of any age, can be very controlling, pushy, and also manipulating for all we know, it could be her more than him.

Salaam

I call it a truce!

Sadly and unfortunately this thread is becoming derailed by a discussion on race relations.  We have a young girl who has recently lost her father, she is not in school and wanting to marry an African American man.  I am really troubled by her situation and feel that much of the specious arguments about race are inappropriate.

As-Salaam Alaikum,

I noticed in your first reply to her you talked about race, and how people of different races shouldn't marry each other.  Why did you make that comment if race is an inapprociate topic.  You obviously thought it was appropriate, but when others disagreed with what you sad all of a sudden it became inapprociate

I just wanted to say to Sister Angelino if you are around.  I would follow Sister UmmAminata's advice she gave very good advice to you, and get your college education.  If you decide to marry this brother.  I would talk to people who are in successful interracial marriage.  I am in an interracial marriage myself as I stated before, and I am happy with my husband.  He is very good muslim brother, and he treats me nice.  You can pm me if you like.  There are other sisters on here who are in interracial marriages and they are also happy with their husbands.  A lady that I work with at my job is a white american and her husband is Mexican.  They have been married for twenty-five years.  In my opinion I think the only people you should seek advice regarding interracial marriage is people who are in it, as Sister UmmAminata also stated. 

Hakeema