second chances

Dear Rookaiya,

When this man married a second time, that was to protect this sister's honor - to give her and her children from her first marriage a protection and a descent home. It looks like he had all noble intentions in what he wanted to do. It is more than likely now he is torn between the two wives, and too confused to make a sensible decision.

Can you please advise his second wife to be patient, and do as a muslim wife should in times when her husband needs a companion and friend? I know it will be very diff for this sister, as even she is suffering in the midst of all these circumstances.  However, a believer is pateint under all conditions. And Allah has said that the reward of being among the as sabireen is the most excellent of all rewards.

The excellence of a muslim is not in fighting for his/her own rights, rather concentrating on the rights that others owe on this muslim.

When a person is surrounded by grief, the worst thing that happens is that s/he thinks there is nothing beyond it. The reality though is that this world is full of people who have circumstances even worse than our own. If we were to learn about them, our pain will fade at the face of misery they are going through. We are sometimes too selfish to block the news of all others, and block our hearts from concern and compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters. If we were to look at them we can only thank allah for the blessings He has put in our lives.

Rookaiya, there is nobody who is in perpetual bliss in this world. And the life of this world is fleeting. It is only a resting place for not more than three days. What have we prepared for the life that will come next? bickerings and quabbles with our fellow creatures? How will this profit when these 3 days are over?

I think this sister needs some spiritual counselling. If she is ready for one, I can try to arrange for her, so let me know, insha allah.

Tell her that I love her, and shall pray for her.

Dear Rookaiya,

It is more than likely this brother is unable to decide what is best in his and his family's interest. The sister should overlook his pride and give him time to decide.

If things are left undecided until October, they can give both parties enough time to re-evaluate their relationship and their intentions insha allah.

When minds become clouded and things are murky, time and distance can help in hte healing process.

Khair insha allah

Bismillah ir Rhman ir Rahim

Honestly if you ask me, this sister should give herself and her feelings some time. She should not decide in haste. She should not stay in touch with all these men, to allow herself the space she needs in making her decisions.

The best thing would be to go back to her current husband, and not finalise the divorce - best scenario for the kids, specially the youngest one.

Be a steadfast muslimah, and pray salat al istekharah before making any decisions.