Marriage Trouble!!!

Jazakallah for all your replies, it makes me feel better to know that I can express my feelings and thoughts in confidence. This is a fantastic website and I am so happy to have found it...

 

I have not been able to reply the last few days, been tied up at work...

The weekend was surprisingly ok. He did not shout at me or hit me... but i am keeping my guard up becos i know he can turn in a split second.

 

I have made a decision though... i have decided that if he dare lays a hand on me one more time, that will be his judgement day. Then i don't care about a thing, i will do whatever it takes to make sure my daughter and i are safe and far away from him and his family.

 

I have many things i can use against him to prove that he is unfit to have custody of the baby, but he has nothing on me, becos i have never done anything bad, and i do not have any bad habits.

 

I also work and contribute to paying the bills. He has my bank cards, cheque book etc, and my wage goes directly into that account. I cannot open another account rite now.

 

I do know the best way is for me to go back to my country, but my daughter does not have a passport. He is purposely delaying getting her a passport becos he thinks i may do a runner. he has also said that he wants to put her under his passport, so she obviously cannot travel unless he is present.

 

He has totally isolated me from my family, and i am not allowed to contact them. Even if i do, what can they possibly do for me? Everyone has their own issues and i do not want to be a burden on anyone.

 

I hate that this has happened to me, and i feel sorry for my child that she has to go thru this...

I know he will never change, once a man calls u such bad things and abuses u he has lost all respect for you.

 

And honestly, i don't want to be with him at all... and i will never trust him again, even if he says he will change, the damage has been done.

 

Just let him even hit me once more, and i will get a protection order against him, i can leave his house i don't mind, as long as i have my baby.

 

I have called a womens aid helpline and they have given me some advice, and told me the necessary documents etc i need to fight against him.

 

Inshallah it will all be ok, Allah is great... Jazakallah for keeping me in ur duas sisters...

 

Salaam Alaikum,

 

Yes, i'm a guy but not qualified to give counsel. I'll just give my opinion.

 

I think your husband is dependent on his mom for concurrence in every issue. He maybe wanting to come out of it but doesnt have the courage. He's totally depressed. Explains the drinking, gambling and mood swings. Reasons could be that he feels he's not being man enough or he may have aspired  to marry his ex. Thats probably why he's harassing you, trying to prove who the man is. Whatever, he's made you his punching bag and acting like a sadomasochist. Trying to change him will work only if he's willing to change and you got to know what his problem really is. I dont think you should wait for that. Probably change would come when his mom kicks the bucket. On what to do next, do whats best for you and the baby. I would suggest what the other members did, divorce the guy. Get in touch with your parents and a women's organisation for support. Or like Hayfa suggested contact your embassy.

Pray and keep your trust in Allah. I'll pray for you.