Marriage Trouble!!! |
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raiya16
Starter Joined: 06 October 2008 Status: Offline Points: 14 |
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Sisters,
Jazakallah for all your replies, it makes me feel better to know that I can express my feelings and thoughts in confidence. This is a fantastic website and I am so happy to have found it...
I have not been able to reply the last few days, been tied up at work...
The weekend was surprisingly ok. He did not shout at me or hit me... but i am keeping my guard up becos i know he can turn in a split second.
I have made a decision though... i have decided that if he dare lays a hand on me one more time, that will be his judgement day. Then i don't care about a thing, i will do whatever it takes to make sure my daughter and i are safe and far away from him and his family.
I have many things i can use against him to prove that he is unfit to have custody of the baby, but he has nothing on me, becos i have never done anything bad, and i do not have any bad habits.
I also work and contribute to paying the bills. He has my bank cards, cheque book etc, and my wage goes directly into that account. I cannot open another account rite now.
I do know the best way is for me to go back to my country, but my daughter does not have a passport. He is purposely delaying getting her a passport becos he thinks i may do a runner. he has also said that he wants to put her under his passport, so she obviously cannot travel unless he is present.
He has totally isolated me from my family, and i am not allowed to contact them. Even if i do, what can they possibly do for me? Everyone has their own issues and i do not want to be a burden on anyone.
I hate that this has happened to me, and i feel sorry for my child that she has to go thru this...
I know he will never change, once a man calls u such bad things and abuses u he has lost all respect for you.
And honestly, i don't want to be with him at all... and i will never trust him again, even if he says he will change, the damage has been done.
Just let him even hit me once more, and i will get a protection order against him, i can leave his house i don't mind, as long as i have my baby.
I have called a womens aid helpline and they have given me some advice, and told me the necessary documents etc i need to fight against him.
Inshallah it will all be ok, Allah is great... Jazakallah for keeping me in ur duas sisters...
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Shasta'sAunt
Senior Member Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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"abuses u he has lost all respect for you"
Assalamu Alaikum Sister:
A man who does such things has lost all respect for himself. He abuses others to make himself feel better or superior in some way because he knows that he is worthless. His only consolation is in trying to make someone else feel weaker and afraid.
You personally have nothing to do with it. You just happen to be the unlucky woman who married him. If he had married someone else he would be doing and saying the same things to her. But you yourself are far above him and you should NEVER let anything he says to try to demean you or to try to make you feel less than you are matter to you.
I know that the words are far worse than the hitting, and long after you are gone some of what he has said will come back to haunt you. Just decide now that his words are meaningless and he is a useless human being that doesn't deserve your consideration.
May Allah keep you safe until you can get away.
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Hayfa
Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Can I say beware of protection orders.. really beware.. I teach self-defense and they really, often do more harm then good and are franly unenforceable. If you are mobile and work you CAN leave. As I said go to law enflorcement, go to the embassy. He cannot do anything to you if you are in the embassy. THEY must have you on file there.
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Saladin
Senior Member Male Joined: 04 September 2007 Location: Sri Lanka Status: Offline Points: 575 |
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He's a mama's boy! Probably the guy was unable to get over it after marriage, got psychologically bumped and ended up being a jackass.
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'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'
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raiya16
Starter Joined: 06 October 2008 Status: Offline Points: 14 |
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Sorry Saladin just asking, are you a guy? If so, please can you tell me why a man can be so horrible for nothing... And what am i supposed to do to try and change him...or is this a lost battle for me?
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raiya16
Starter Joined: 06 October 2008 Status: Offline Points: 14 |
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Slms All,
Another incident yeaterday, but not as bad as it could have been, just some verbal abuse... my husband brought my daughter in to my work to show everyone, but my company is such high security not just anyone can come in, nad we were rushing for a meeting so only had 10mins to show baby to everyone... so i told him i will take her in and bring her out quickly... and oh dear...the things that went thru his mind... he started shouting at me when i got home that i did not want to take him inside my work place because i am having an affair!!! I mean where on earth did that come from!!!
And a friend of his works in the same office, and he has been telling my husband things which are not true...unless my husband is just making it up to try and get information from me...
I have colleagues at work but i have never and will never do anything bad, it is not in my character. I am a married woman, regardless of how nasty my husband is i keep my respect in that way, i would never ever be unfaihful or anything like that...
So now he said once more that he is taking my daughter away from me...and leaving me... he told me his parents are coming tomoro and he is sending my baby back with them...which he cannot becos if he just dares, i will call the police because they are taking my child without my consent, so that is called kidnapping here... they cannot do that at all...
He accuses me of so many thngs, and he was calling me a wh*re as well... i have never cheated or done anything bad...
I don't know if he is insecure about himself or something that he has to treat me this way.
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Saladin
Senior Member Male Joined: 04 September 2007 Location: Sri Lanka Status: Offline Points: 575 |
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Salaam Alaikum,
Yes, i'm a guy but not qualified to give counsel. I'll just give my opinion.
I think your husband is dependent on his mom for concurrence in every issue. He maybe wanting to come out of it but doesnt have the courage. He's totally depressed. Explains the drinking, gambling and mood swings. Reasons could be that he feels he's not being man enough or he may have aspired to marry his ex. Thats probably why he's harassing you, trying to prove who the man is. Whatever, he's made you his punching bag and acting like a sadomasochist. Trying to change him will work only if he's willing to change and you got to know what his problem really is. I dont think you should wait for that. Probably change would come when his mom kicks the bucket. On what to do next, do whats best for you and the baby. I would suggest what the other members did, divorce the guy. Get in touch with your parents and a women's organisation for support. Or like Hayfa suggested contact your embassy.
Pray and keep your trust in Allah. I'll pray for you.
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'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'
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Saladin
Senior Member Male Joined: 04 September 2007 Location: Sri Lanka Status: Offline Points: 575 |
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He is insecure. I dont think he will leave you as he says. He's just seeing that you wont. Baby blackmail is for that. He knows that no other woman would put up with his crap.
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'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'
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