polygomy |
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Nobody_Nobody
Starter Female Joined: 02 July 2009 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 6 |
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Salaam sis, I'm trying to pm you but I'm encountering error...
jazakhallah
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Hayfa
Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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walaikum salaam,
I shall try also |
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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sophykhan
Starter Female Joined: 24 June 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 16 |
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thankyou everybody this is a great topic .i feel if my husband marry another he has a dislike upon me i dont know .i am white american different culture and also growing up here and seeing here everything .my husband is from pakistan he is the best man ever and so sweet .....some times we talk about pologamy i tell him its not a joke becauce it can hurt peoples feelings but i never experinced it i think it will be hard here maybe if we moved to another place or country it will be ok i think i am interested in helping him get a 2 wife???? idont know how and also worried about her if she will be ok with that i am 25 ,2 kids 7 and 4 will they be ok to see that????????
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Chrysalis
Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2033 |
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Don't even get me stated on that! Many muslim brothers think that it is amusing to joke around about Polygyny! Some are even dumb enough to do so with nonmuslims! We have a relative in Canada who tells us that there is an idiot gentleman in thier office who loves to joke around and tell nonmuslim ladies how he can marry upto 4!!! Grrrr. It is not funny! I wish our brothers would be sensible enough to know the importance and heaviness of words. Hadith says, words are like an arrow - once they leave the bow, they cannot come back.
Why would you be wanting to get your husband a second wife sis? Perhaps in a rush of faith/sympathy you do so - and later you regret it. Like said before: Polygyny is not easy - it is not for everyone - it is an exception, not the norm - it has not been 'reccommended' as an extra act of faith - it is just an allowance that exists, in order to deal with certain issues WHEN they occur. A man with 2 wives does not get anymore sawab than a man with 1 wife. If anything, he will be held even more responsible - and the probability of him sinning due to injustice will increase. Allah says in the Qur'an to the men, in verse 4:3 'but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then (marry) only one and later on, in the same chapter, Allah says to the men again: 4:129 " You shall never be able to maintain real equality between wives, even though you are eager to., so do not lean totally (towards one) and leave the other as suspended. If you act righteously and fear Allah, then, Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful." So even to the men, Allah reccommends that they stick to one wife (under normal circumstances), since they will not be able to deal justly b/w more. |
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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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martha
Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140 |
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Chrysalis, you are right..men joke too often about having up to 4 wives. The impression it gives me is that they strut around like peacocks and actually give Islam a bad name in doing so. Polygany should only be practised if the man is a 'proper muslim' and goes about it carefully and respectfully and considers the feelings of the women involved. If he falls short of this then I would really doubt his understanding of having more than 1 wife. Moving to another country would not make it easier. Also remember that in Pakistan a man needs written consent from a 1st wife to proceed with a 2nd. (though my personal experience proved otherwise.) Obviously men flaunt the laws back home if it is for their convenience. That is very sad and destroys trust in a marriage.
Some would suggest that a 2nd wife is taken because he is not happy with the 1st. I suggest the man wants his cake and eat it too. To have 2 wives increases his social status maybe?
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some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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Hayfa
Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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I think it is interesting that actually more men don't try to engage n polygyny... It is not a lot of men who do. It is obviously an intense subject for women..
I think we can learn alot to also see why most men do not engage in it in Islam. I think like anything else there a variety of reasons -happy with one wife -cannot afford it -fears Allah (cannot do it right, be just and in Islamic manner) -fears 1st wife.. lol -fears society / state authority -self-knowledge to know its not a good idea to try for themselves.. personal choice -knows having one wife is challenging enough, but having two.. mind boggling -thinks it is not permissable in Islam / misinformation |
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Chrysalis
Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2033 |
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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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martha
Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140 |
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Hehe....am sure men can only really cope with one wife...women on the other hand would have no trouble coping with 2 husbands
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some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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