PLEASE HELP!!

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   My dear dear sister. It is with a heavy heart i read this thread. 
But here are the facts spelled out for you.

Our brother is a CHEATING, LYING, MANIPULATIVE, ROTTEN TO THE BONE, ***** IDIOT! and you need to leave him imediately. 

If you have not consumated marriage yet (had sex) you can just walk up and leave him. If you have however there is a 4 months waiting period where you should keep some contact, and preferebly sort the situation out. The only problem in this regard is that in this case he has broken your trust, several times. What he does is not different from men who beat their wifes and afterwards appologise and feel really bad. He braks your trust, tell you, breaks it again, tell you about it. Does that make him honest? Hell no. that makes him an inconciderate asshole, and is trying to snake his way back in now that his favorite bird is gone. Look sweetheart...you are not number one in his life now, and thus you never will be. If you can accept that, its you choice, but i honestly think you are worth so much more than that, becasue you are my sister, and i love you. 

Allah tests us all, but putting up with inconciderate assholes is a test you dont have to take for ANY reason or ANY person. 

As for the whole, when to people of the same sex are in a room shaytaan blahblahblah... no, not at all, its nonsense. He had a weak moral character (lack of faith and trust in Allah?) and it manifested itself again and again.

I will pray for you too.

Peace
Noah

Edited by Administrator

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Noah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 25 June 2005 Status: Offline Points: 199	Post Options Post Reply Quote Noah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 July 2005 at 3:01am
	My dear dear sister. It is with a heavy heart i read this thread. But here are the facts spelled out for you. Our brother is a CHEATING, LYING, MANIPULATIVE, ROTTEN TO THE BONE, ***** IDIOT! and you need to leave him imediately. If you have not consumated marriage yet (had sex) you can just walk up and leave him. If you have however there is a 4 months waiting period where you should keep some contact, and preferebly sort the situation out. The only problem in this regard is that in this case he has broken your trust, several times. What he does is not different from men who beat their wifes and afterwards appologise and feel really bad. He braks your trust, tell you, breaks it again, tell you about it. Does that make him honest? Hell no. that makes him an inconciderate asshole, and is trying to snake his way back in now that his favorite bird is gone. Look sweetheart...you are not number one in his life now, and thus you never will be. If you can accept that, its you choice, but i honestly think you are worth so much more than that, becasue you are my sister, and i love you. Allah tests us all, but putting up with inconciderate assholes is a test you dont have to take for ANY reason or ANY person. As for the whole, when to people of the same sex are in a room shaytaan blahblahblah... no, not at all, its nonsense. He had a weak moral character (lack of faith and trust in Allah?) and it manifested itself again and again. I will pray for you too. Peace Noah Edited by Administrator

JulAsif Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 06 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 30	Post Options Post Reply Quote JulAsif Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 July 2005 at 1:49pm
	J.R. I have just been reading this thread, and I have to agree with everyone else. You should divorce him. What I'm about to say may, or may not apply to you. I have two friends that are in very unhealthy relationships. One of my friends is a bit heavy, and she has confessed that she's not sure she could find anybody else (which is crazy..she's wonderful!) Another friend hasn't worked in many years and is afraid she isn't competent enough to gain employment. These are both self esteem issues that keep them in their unhappy situation. You mentioned that you have discussed marriage with some other brothers who became discouraged to the idea after you mentioned your disability. Could it be that you are settling because you don't feel you have many other options? Usually when women are able to overcome their self-esteem issues and get out of their relationships, they find that it is MUCH better to be alone then living miserably with someone else. You sound like an intelligent, devout musim woman, and I assure you, Allah will help you find the perfect muslim man to share your life with. Make the right choice..for yourself and for your faith.

J.R. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87	Post Options Post Reply Quote J.R. Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 July 2005 at 5:01pm
	Assalamu Alaikum, I know in my heart you are all right. Please keep praying for my strength and clarity of mind. I have about ten thousand voices in my head. Peace to you all. J.R.
	Smile

Saido Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 28 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 64	Post Options Post Reply Quote Saido Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 July 2005 at 6:27pm
	Asalamu Alaykum Sister J.R. I really do feel sorry for you. The man has disobeyed his Lord and emotionnally hurted you.Whatever you decide ask advice from your Creator-read dua Al-Istikharata and pray Allah's favorite prayer-the night prayer.May Allah help you and you will never regret Allah's help.Ameen.

herjihad Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 26 January 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2473	Post Options Post Reply Quote herjihad Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 July 2005 at 7:37am
	Bismillah, J.R., I think what you said earlier about being cautious and not being with him until he proves he has changed has merit and seems workable for your situation. As long as you feel he will not harm you physically. However, he is harming you emotionally and Islamically. You are important; don't forget! Most likely he is not going to change and doesn't know how if he wanted to.
	Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.