marriage

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   salaams everyone, 

Masha'Allah im a newly married girl. i met a wonderful man who alhamdulilah is a very good muslim and has just completed Hajj. however, whilst he was away i learnt that he use to be a drinker. although this is in his past and now he doesnt, it seems to play on my mind a lot. i havent mentioned it to him as i was taught that our past sins dont have to be discussed and im in no place to judge him for it. however, i often find myself thinking it over and im worried it may affect my relationship with him.

does anyone have advice on this? how should this be dealt with Islamically?

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shadi81 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Female Joined: 22 December 2009 Status: Offline Points: 1	Post Options Post Reply Quote shadi81 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: marriage Posted: 22 December 2009 at 2:43pm
	salaams everyone, Masha'Allah im a newly married girl. i met a wonderful man who alhamdulilah is a very good muslim and has just completed Hajj. however, whilst he was away i learnt that he use to be a drinker. although this is in his past and now he doesnt, it seems to play on my mind a lot. i havent mentioned it to him as i was taught that our past sins dont have to be discussed and im in no place to judge him for it. however, i often find myself thinking it over and im worried it may affect my relationship with him. does anyone have advice on this? how should this be dealt with Islamically?

Pati Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 10 April 2009 Location: Spain Status: Offline Points: 304	Post Options Post Reply Quote Pati Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 December 2009 at 2:40am
	Dear, It is "the past", before you arrived. Don't even think about it, because you don't know why was he drinking. Most of the times, the men do it because of trying to show their friends that "they are real men". Other times, it's just because everyone does around. But most probably, he was lost in that time, and then he found you. Just look at him now and if he doesn't do it in the current times, don't blame him because of something he did before meeting you. He doesn't deserve. See, I am not Muslim, but a believer, and as Catholic, we believe that God is always asking us to help our brothers and sisters. I think that God sent you to your husband to help him, so think about it. I don't know your story, but I believe so. All the best and Mabrook for the wedding Patricia
	No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.

Saladin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Joined: 04 September 2007 Location: Sri Lanka Status: Offline Points: 575	Post Options Post Reply Quote Saladin Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 December 2009 at 3:35am
	Salam shadi81 Unless your husband's past drinking habit's as a result, adversely affecting him now, like Pati said - past is past, its gone! You know, Shaitan loves to break up happy marriages and gives these insinuating thoughts... sly dude, he is. (114:1) Say: �I seek refuge with the Lord of mankind; (114:2) the King of mankind, (114:3) the True God of mankind, (114:4) from the mischief of the whispering, elusive prompter who returns again and again, (114:5) who whispers in the hearts of people; (114:6) whether he be from the jinn or humans.�
	'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 December 2009 at 6:30am
	Asalalam ALaikum, Welcome to the Forum. I agree with Pati and Saladin. Let it go. When I was young and nonMuslim I did things that are certainly not halal. Assuming he was a Muslim, did he live / grow up in the US? If so, chances are pretty high that he was influenced by the society around him. Young people tend to do foolish things. If he does not drink, great! He grew up. You know a few years ago, I met, on the phone, a Muslim man. It was around this time. We talked on the phone. We were talking what we did for the "New Year" and he said he went out partying. He was 35 at the time. My thought was uh oh..never grew up. People DO grow up and change behavior. if your husband is not exhibiting any behavior thank Allah! Again thank Allah for your blessings. There are sadly spouses dealing with drinking problems or porn addictions or other ongoing struggles. We often, myself included, forget to either thank Allah for our blessings or not have patience when we are tested. Be grateful ALL the time. There very well may be other tests. But thank Allah he does not drink. Again welcome. Edited by Hayfa - 24 December 2009 at 6:31am
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Chrysalis Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2033	Post Options Post Reply Quote Chrysalis Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 December 2009 at 8:31am
	Nothing to add, good advise from all the members ! Nobody is perfect sister, the best part is that alhamdulilah he seems to have turned over a new leaf (and Allah knows best). Besides, after Hajj, a Muslim becomes as clean and sinless as a new born baby (inshAllah). Keep praying for Hidayath (guidance) of you both, and a blessed life together. Hopefully InshAllah he stays on this new path he has taken. Stay optimistic.
	"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."

Full of Hopes Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 06 August 2009 Status: Offline Points: 855	Post Options Post Reply Quote Full of Hopes Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 December 2009 at 10:12am
	me too nothing to add!! I agree with them all. May Allah make your life happy. We all did mistakes in past and still doing but Allah is full of mercy. He forgives the sins when you repent. Do not let shyatn spoil your joy and happiness. Ignore this shyatn. The Muslim can become even more closer to Allah after the sin if he repents from the sin and did good things after it. Best wishes for you.
	And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 December 2009 at 1:45pm
	If "drinker" is synonymous with alcoholic, then it should greatly concern you. Often recovering alcoholics struggle with their addiction and return to drinking during stressful times. What are the warning signs? What are possible triggers? How can you help? These and other questions you would be well advised to educate yourself on and ponder. However, if your husband was a "social" drinker on occasion, I wouldn't worry too much about this. Alcohol addiction is indeed something to concern yourself about if his drinking lead to the disease of alcoholism.

fais Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Status: Offline Points: 344	Post Options Post Reply Quote fais Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 December 2009 at 11:26pm
	Salam, Mabrook from the bottom of my heart,may you have a beautiful life in this world here after,do some acts of islam together like saum,or salah tahajjud this will increase the luv between you two. just an advise can use it regards Faisal