accepting a muslim household

thanks hayfa, for your support, i just wish we could stay as we are, and hope what we are doing is enough, but i fear it is not for my husband and his duties, apart of me wants to walk away cause i love him  so very much, but the part wants him to accept us as we are and keep to his comittment to us, but  i know it would  be a huge strain on his contentment of his self and not sure if islam will allow this or he would allow this.  i will wait and pray now and our lives are in gods hands and i will  accept my way forward.  thank you,

Chrysalis, that is good,

And one thing I can say from having lived in Pakistan, hibab is WAY harder in the US then in Pakistan. You blend and fit in... this was even before I became a Muslim.

And in Muslim countries its about public vs. private. People cannot do things in public that are acceptable here. But peoples' private lives are often that-private.

Hayfa wrote: And one thing I can say from having lived in Pakistan, hibab is WAY harder in the US then in Pakistan. You blend and fit in... this was even before I became a Muslim.  And in Muslim countries its about public vs. private. People cannot do things in public that are acceptable here. But peoples' private lives are often that-private.

I agree ! It is far easier to conform and blend in then stand out. (standing out is not always good)

Btw, in Saudi, in some cities like Riyadh (with lot of ex-pats) there are gated communities, in which you basically live 'in your own world'. A lot of foreigners choose to live there because they don't have to follow the strict public rules and can dress lax, because it is considered a private community. Thats what I heard from my friends.

Plus focus on  the positive aspects! i.e. having a Maid, Chauffeur, large house etc. Lol !

PS: [Adding after seeing your post which appeared later] well, if he seems untrustworthy to you then it would probably not be a good idea to displace yourselves. . . Goodluck anyway!




Edited by Chrysalis - 24 March 2010 at 8:45am

Hi Marie,

I am really sorry for your situation, but I will ask you to cool down first of all, and think seriously about the situation.

When he married you, he knew that you were not a Muslim but a Christian (ok, not practising but believer), and he is the one who changed. He never showed you that he wanted your children to be Muslim, but after 10 years!!! And the worst thing (at least for me), after the first discussion, he starts looking for another wife!!! Do you think that he is giving you and your children enough value? I mean, I don't think he deserves you. You gave him everything, the most precious gift, the children... and without taking care, he left you all.

He has all the right and duties to be a good Muslim, of course, and it's better late than never, but he has no right at all to ask you to be, or to obligate your children after so long. If they wanted to be, it's their right, but not this way, it's not fair.

All the doubts you have are serious, Marie, very serious. Myself, I would talk about it with your children, and ask them if they would like to go to Saudi Arabia with their father, and if they want to change your way of life. But first of all, ask yourself what do you really believe. If you think you can be a good Muslim, that's wonderful because all your problems would be finished, but you have to ask yourself. It's not easy at all, and it would be a big change, not bad sure, but a change after all.

I would make a family meeting and ask for the children opinion, they have the right to share their thoughts, I think. And I hope you will find the better solution for the family.

All the best
Patricia