Genuine advice needed

Aslam alikum everyone

I have been married for almost 3 years now, this was an arranged marriage, my husband is my first cousin also. I did not want this marriage because i used to love some other guy but my parents insisted to get me married to my now husband, so eventually i got married. Although i have tried my best to adjust myself in this marriage i just could not make myself love my husband.He's a nice person overall but i still cannot develop any feelings for him. I feel guilty and my health is getting worse with depression and other problems. We don't have any children and i think i should end this marriage so atleast my husband can marry someone who really loves him, i want him to be happy but i don't know what is the right thing to do. I don't want to hurt anyone but the pain of losing the person i loved most in my life still kills me inside and no matter what i do i don't find any happiness or charm in all the worldly life.

I need help but where should i seek it, i cant share my feelings with anyone in my family. Any good advice will be appreciated.Thanks

Walaikum assalam sister,

Our sister Nausheen has given really good advice.
I would like to add that it can take some time, years perhaps, to grow fond of and love a spouse, especially as it was arranged. And although this is a big concern for you (you say you do not love your husband), there are many things to consider after this. What would happen to both you and him if you divorced? Is he settled in Australia for example, would he need to move and disrupt his life? DO you work? Can you support yourself? How would the family feel and react towards you?

What you need to do is trust your husband to talk to him about this. If he is a kind and understanding man then I am sure he will listen to you, as Nausheen has said.

As regards to the man you once loved. Has he moved on and married? If so then you have no option really than to try to learn to forget about this. I understand how difficult this might be for you, but do you really want to risk a good marriage for a past love?

Supposed you divorced your husband. Where does that leave you? You might decide to marry again and quickly, and the new husband might be far worse than the one you have now. As your parents chose this 1st cousin of yours then I am sure they knew him well enough to consider him a good man for you to marry.

All these things you need to consider, if you haven't already. The sooner you try to talk to your husband I think would be better for you ultimately. A mild depression can lead to a longer lasting clinical depression and it is possible you might make unwise decisions when mentally unwell.

BUt we are here to listen to you and advise you as best we can. A good number of us have come from a broken marriage and understand the issues you face at this time.

Take care.

I think that your resentment of your parents is contributing to your depression, feelings of loss, and inability to properly bond in your marriage.   Our faith teaches us that whatever good or harm will not touch us or pass over us without Allah�s decree; so fret not about the one you once loved.  I would suggest that you speak with your parents, which may help alleviate and release some bitterness you feel over your marriage.  Your parents have likely done their best for you, and as you say, your husband is a good man.  Tell them you love them for seeking what was best in their estimation; however you feel sad that you allowed them to marry you to someone not of your choice.  Yes, you must also take responsibility for going through with this marriage, because nobody can force you to marry against your will.  Your husband is a good man, so be patient with this marriage.  Do good deeds, give saddaqa and get close to your faith.  It is Allah who puts love into the hearts � pray that he chances your heart and places love for your husband in your heart.  I don�t suggest you speak with him, because it would take an extraordinary individual to accept that his wife didn�t want to marry him and loved another man.  Better to hash this with your parents � in a good way, and take personal responsibility for your own actions.  A healthy diet, exercise, studying your religion, wholesome community involvement, and personal pursuits will help with your depression - insha�Allah, but most importantly seek to come to terms with your anger.  Seems you have a lot to be thankful for, so give emphasis to what�s going well in your life.  Professional counseling may be a good option. 

Bismillah,