Question for muslim brothers

You are not married to a Muslimah because you find it unfair that a man is the responsible care giver for his family, wife and children and that the wife if she makes money she is free to do with it as she wishes? Of course majority of the women are responsible intelligient human beings who think of their families as well, please don't go ahead and dish all Muslimah for that. What happened to the men who did not even think twice of objecting of this factor as they want to make sure that their wives are well economically satiated if the husbands die for whatever reason? Yes, sure in the USA it is different, but also in the USA there are a huge amount of war between the sexiests, I mean there are really no win win here..the only thing you should be thinking about is making sure that your wife and children are both economically, spiritually and emotionally complete from you and your wife.  I find your statement about not wanting to marry a muslim woman because of $$$ truelly offensive.  Just imagine the many sacrifices she will be making for you and your children, I would think this is the least thing she would deserve from this...but ones again I am sure majority of the women out there are intelligient human beings who know the value of money and family and will not think of them selfishly but there are also lots of women out there which are the reverse..it is your responsibility Israfil to seek the right woman for you and thus this whole issue you have would not even be discussed. 

Edited by foody

Israfil wrote: Let me readdress that my comment was based on economic sustainability in the United States. It's also common sense that a man cannot support his family alone by generating an income of $20,000 a year, that is what we call "the working poor." I believe that in Islam it is a man's obligation to support his family, however it is an obligation on both members to plan their expenses. Just because it doesn't say a woman isn't suppose to ue her money in the Qur'an doesn't mean she she use her money on herself. Also, sister if I may clarify that if the man doesn't have a job isn't the only reason a woman may spend her money. Again apart of marriage in my opinion is the joint effort not one-sided. Alas this reaffirms why I am not married to a Muslimah now...

Bismillah,

Brother, I respect and understand your position.  And I'm sure if you met a lovely sister who had no money that you wouldn't not marry her because of that.  It is hard to make ends meet, and you are being practical.  If you meet someone who is able to work, then you are right that you both should contribute when it is necessary.  ISA, you will find someone suitable soon.

The woman-working-only-when-it-is-necessary idea is kind of a lie.  It ends up that the woman works a lot of the time in such a scenario.  And I'm going to wow you all by actually knowing the name of a book with research to support this, "Worlds of Pain".  This book is over 25 years old, and the problem has only gotten worse because of the failing American economy.

So it is still best for us to encourage our daughters to get educated so that they can have a better job, because most likely, they will need to work, and why not have a better job with more money rather than a low paying job?

Peace

"And I'm going to wow you all by actually knowing the name of a book with research to support this,"

HA HA HA

Israfil, I live in northern cali and my husband supports us fully. Now he is older than you and did not get married to me until he was 33. I am 9 years younger than him. We rent a nice house, our son goes to a great school, my daughter attends a challenging preschool, they are both in gymnastics., swimming and karate. Let me say to be fair, he makes alot more money than you, more than 3 times what you make. So I understand what you are saying. If he made the same as you I am sure I would work part time and kids would not be able to do all the same things. We would have to rent a 2 bedroom apartment and would not be able to travel. But , I would sacrifice so that at least when they were babies I could be at home with them. Israfil, every baby needs thier mother, 24 hours a day! They need to be breastfed, held, cuddled and loved around the clock. No babysitter or daycare will due. If you want your wife to work, then find a woman who likes working, but you OWE HER and your kids a few years,(each child needs the mom for at least 1.5 years at home) of not working. Do whatever you can, save first, put money in the bank and sacrifice so the children can have thier mother at home. Then later she can go back to work, maybe part time, maybe more and bring in more income.

Lastly, I would recomend finding a woman who wants a career for a while when you get married that would like to wait on having kids. Then you can both work for 4or5 years and save up lots of money and go on fun trips and then be ready for the expence and sacrifice of having children. All the best to you, and remember career minded women that work and make lots of money generally are very independant and do not like being told what to do...