Question for muslim brothers |
Post Reply | Page <1 34567 8> |
Author | |
Jenni
Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Peacemaker, I agree that works for some people, probably most. I too am at home but want to go back to my medical profession in the future as their is a great need and I really miss it. However I have met some women who have worked so hard on thier education that they do not want to lose it and stay at home. One friend is a P.H.d in microbiology. She has 2 young kids and works part time about 20 hours a week. She has a good Muslim baby sitter and also her husband fills in too. Can we honestly expect someone to work that hard, become a doctor, lawyer or engineer and just leave the workforce and have lost all your skills when you return? What women really need are more options, to work part time. To work from home, to contract work with flexible hours and to have flexibe childcare.(I ecourage sisters to start home based chilcare that have education and experience with kids as thier is a great need!) I hope and pray someday my daughter will become a doctor or some other noble profession and when she has kids she can have flexibility to have time with them but to also keep her foot in the door with her career and work part time. We need alot of women doctors, nurses, teachers, therapists, ect. And if they all just check out of the workforce what will we do? I don't want a male nurse next time I go to the hospital, and I'm sure most women don't either. Peace
|
|
You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
|
|
Moona
Groupie Joined: 11 April 2006 Status: Offline Points: 48 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Since my husband and I got married,I have been the main provider for us. But I have no say in anything financial,other than paying ALL the bills. After 3 years of this,it is making me VERY sad,I find myself becoming more and more depressed. He will say,"I will buy you the Jilbab you want,go ahead and buy it".So,I of course buy it with my money.My own GIFT from him,I pay for.Not too long ago I was missing having a pet,so he said "I will buy you a fishtank,go get it." So I do,again with my money...and he never pay's for this supposed gift to me. Now,I wish so much that I did not have my own income.We are saving to build our own home.I have been waiting for over 3 years to be able to make a home a home.Now the other day he told me he is the one to decorate it,he wont let me put my own feminine touch's to the home.I pay all the bill's,but I feel like a prisoner.Right now we are living in America,but plan on building our home back in his country. I am becoming nervous about moving there permanetly.If he is like this here,what will my life be like there? I have been there,and loved it.But that was when we first got married.Now,for me,life is a drudge. I am very depressed. I am almost to the point of asking him to go back alone.The stress has just become too much for me.I love him,but I cant take this stress anymore. Moona
|
|
Moonie
|
|
Hayfa
Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Every person's situation is different. The main thing is that when marrying you find someone who can agree with you on these things. If someone wants to marry a woman who can/wants to work so be it. There are plenty of women out there who will. The saddest reality is the majority of women and men work too long hours and don't have the time or energy to enjoy / spend time with their children. At least here in the states, having kids is terribly expensive. I am not talking about the extras but just to have a place to live, food, clothing, etc. Like here in DC, a one -room bedroom is anywhere from $1200-$2000. California is one of the most expensive places to live. Some women actually can be come very depressive staying home all day. None of us are the same. They can get very depressed. Often women can become isolated and this can cause stress. Just having a parent �present� does not make them a good parent. My mother was home all the time and this did not mean that she was able to emotionally and mentally handle the situation. Neglect can happen in different ways. At times one will not know how we will react until we are in a given situation, how any of will feel being home all day with young children. On top of hormonal changes, this can be too much for some people. Remember the woman who killed her children in Texas? Women killing their children is fairly rare in all societies. So it makes you wonder what she was going through� she was or needed anti-depressant medication, staying at home raising her 4 kids. Then she and her husband decided to have a fifth. She was depressed and he was a good �Christian� who wanted that large family. And she snapped. And killed them all. It is too much to fathom for most of us why or how. I only brought it up as to underscore the importance of the need for recognition of the mental and emotional needs of people. Not just physical needs. Each family has to make the best decisions for a given situation. Sometimes we don�t have too much choice. If a family has the economic freedom to make these choices, more power to you. Since in many cultures people other then the father or mother take care of the child in the day, this is not much different than daycare to a degree. How many families do you see grandma taking care of the kids, while the mother works? The most able-bodies people must work in the world. How many women go to work with the children strapped to their backs? How many children in the world work? Ironically some places are too expensive to just have one person work and in others you could not survive basic living. Whereas if you make what one does in US, you can live like royalty in other places. Peace. |
|
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
|
|
Angela
Senior Member Joined: 11 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 2555 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
I would just like to say, I'm very happy being poor. My family lived in a trailer when I was little, later we bought a home. My mother was home and loved us and taught us. When we were in school, she returned to the workforce. I work now, but we are doing everything to be in a situation that I can be home with our children, adopted or born, until they reach 1st grade and are in school all day. Then I'll return to work. The problem with children today is there is never "family time". School, Soccer, Boy/Girl Scouts, Ballet, Video games, movies, internet, TV. Families don't eat at the dinner table anymore, they don't go to the park. My Dad and Mother had a Sunday ritual. We got in the car, drove to the State Park, hiked and then went for Ice Cream. Only the Ice Cream cost them anything.....and they are my fondest memories. My kids can live without TVs in their rooms, or computers, or ipods. We can get along with a 10 year old Subaru Stationwagon and they can wear handme downs. I will have failed if they grow up materialistic selfish adults who can't enjoy the wonders God gave us. |
|
Mishmish
Senior Member Joined: 01 November 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1694 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Assalamu Alaikum: Angela, When we were little my Dad was stationed at Ft. Bliss in El Paso, Tx for a while. We had an old station wagon and all the neighborhood kids called it the "dragon wagon" because it burned oil. We used to all pile in it and go to this little place called the Dairy King and get soft serve ice cream cones. Then we go to the park and hike and play. One of my favorite memories was when we lived in Germany. The "phening man" the german equivalent of the ice cream man, would come around with his cart and we would get to buy anything we wanted from him for a phening. He sold gummy bears, pretzels, schnitzel... We always got the gummy bears wrapped in white paper shaped into cones to hold the bears. Brother Peacemaker: Like you, my husband would not mind if I wanted to teach again, preferably from home, but he would never take a penny of my money. My husband and I both thank God for what we have. Al HamdilAllah we have what we need, and often what we want. But I think it's a blessing when you can't get everything you want right away. It teaches patience, and anticipation. Delayed gratification. Because, if you think about it, that's what Islam is all about. |
|
It is only with the heart that one can see clearly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. (The Little Prince)
|
|
Israfil
Senior Member Joined: 08 September 2003 Status: Offline Points: 3984 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Wa alaikum Salaam I'm glad Hafya broughtn up the excellent point! I know some of you women (and men) like to give each other High Fives and don't really see my point and make indirect comment in saying "Well it's the duty of the man" is quite true yet rhetorical. Everyone's situation is different. Like I told my buddies from the Academy, I don't want to be rich but I want to live economically sufficient. When we talk about work and and responsibilities we tend to focus on lifestyle such as expensive things and such and this is not the case with me. Just living in a cheap run down apartment in the "ghetto" of Cali will run you easily $1200 for a one bedroom and you maybe lucky with $900. Even a Muslim brother in Orange county will not cut me any slack! I remember going to the City of Orange where there is a high population of Arab/Palestinian Muslims there and still get no slack! /I mean I cannot beat the cultural bias there and that is unfortunate but in the reality of it all people need to work to survive. Again, places like Texas and Tennesse that don't pay property tax really you guys don't have a whole lot of room to say what is considered meager living. I live meager living now and I pay $900 per month for a studio! not to mention insurance and car note. I just feel that in today's society where women for years have pioneered to be equal to men in the work force I think the concept of family is changing and therefore women as well as men who are parents are working. That is the key concept here is the concept of parenting. We tend to bring up the Islamic fashion of family but again, society is different. We all have to adapt in accordance to our environement. If your husband works and you stay home fine. If you both work fine. Whatever gets you by is the most important thing. I just don't want my head getting bite off just because I am for rqual rights (and equal responsibility) for a woman, lucky me most conservative men don't think this way... |
|
Mishmish
Senior Member Joined: 01 November 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1694 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Assalamu Alaikum: The Word of Allah(SWT) is not rhetoric. Quiwama (maintenance and protection) is not a choice, it is an order from Allah(SWT). Equal rights fro women cannot be above the Laws of Allah(SWT). Texas doesn't have a state property tax, it has local personal property tax which taxes all real and income-producing personal property. There is no federal standardization, so they raise it frequently thus Texas actually has one of the nations highest property tax. |
|
It is only with the heart that one can see clearly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. (The Little Prince)
|
|
Abeer23
Senior Member Joined: 28 September 2005 Status: Offline Points: 493 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
Qala ta'la: 65:7 "Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. After a difficulty, Allah will soon grant relief." Sadaqa allahu al-adheem
|
|
Post Reply | Page <1 34567 8> |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |