second chances

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   her husband is full of pride. he and his first wife are no longer together.but due to pride and arrogance, he will not try to reconcile with his second wife. hes acting very distant and uncaring. she doesnt knwo what else to do. shes worried cos he is leaving for DRC congo in 2 weeks and will only be back in october. she wants to resolve issues before he goes. he keeps giving her mixed messages
sometimes he comes across as caring and interested. then he suddenly backs away and acts all distant and uncaring. hes two extremes. no middle ground with him

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rookaiya Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 04 May 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 385	Post Options Post Reply Quote rookaiya Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 March 2007 at 8:23am
	her husband is full of pride. he and his first wife are no longer together.but due to pride and arrogance, he will not try to reconcile with his second wife. hes acting very distant and uncaring. she doesnt knwo what else to do. shes worried cos he is leaving for DRC congo in 2 weeks and will only be back in october. she wants to resolve issues before he goes. he keeps giving her mixed messages sometimes he comes across as caring and interested. then he suddenly backs away and acts all distant and uncaring. hes two extremes. no middle ground with him

UmmTaaha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 10 August 2006 Location: Japan Status: Offline Points: 159	Post Options Post Reply Quote UmmTaaha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 March 2007 at 8:49pm
	Dear Rookaiya, It is more than likely this brother is unable to decide what is best in his and his family's interest. The sister should overlook his pride and give him time to decide. If things are left undecided until October, they can give both parties enough time to re-evaluate their relationship and their intentions insha allah. When minds become clouded and things are murky, time and distance can help in hte healing process. Khair insha allah
	Adab with Allah is the proper fruit of obedience - Habib Ali Jifri

rookaiya Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 04 May 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 385	Post Options Post Reply Quote rookaiya Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 March 2007 at 10:51pm
	maybe u right. but the sister isnt acting very rationally. last night she became very upset and she sent him some nasty text messages demanding talaaq and insulting him. i dont know she sometimes gets this way. she just becomes irrational and she starts insulting him and she says nasty and mean stuff to him. she i so pissed off cos he married her and he said he wouldnt leave her, but he walked out on her after thier baby was 3 months, and he reconciled with his first wife after 10 months, his first wife has now kicked him out. reason being that she cant accept the fact that he remarried and she resents his child . when he has family functions the childs grandmothers ( the second wifes mother) attends the functions with the child. his sisters and his family lve and embrace the child and his first wife cant accept that. she also feels she cant trust him and she cant see her past pain. she just cant forgive him. this has a ripple effect now cos all this is carried to the second wife, who is on the receiving end of all his instability. hes unable to continue his marriage with her, yet his unwilling to release her in talaaq. i think hes juts being very selfish if he cared for any of his wives, he woudl try to resolve things. he would try to bring them together and create peace. instead he continues to hurt them both.
	"so surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surah 94. verses 5 and 6

Sign*Reader Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 02 November 2005 Status: Offline Points: 3352	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sign*Reader Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 20 March 2007 at 1:38pm
	What is the law of the land about these things? Edited by Sign*Reader
	Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.

rookaiya Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 04 May 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 385	Post Options Post Reply Quote rookaiya Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 20 March 2007 at 10:44pm
	in their country a muslim man is not prevented form making nikah to more than one spouse. but those nikahs dont get any legal recognition, so the law of the land doesnt regulate on it.
	"so surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surah 94. verses 5 and 6

UmmTaaha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 10 August 2006 Location: Japan Status: Offline Points: 159	Post Options Post Reply Quote UmmTaaha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 March 2007 at 12:50am
	Dear Rookaiya, When this man married a second time, that was to protect this sister's honor - to give her and her children from her first marriage a protection and a descent home. It looks like he had all noble intentions in what he wanted to do. It is more than likely now he is torn between the two wives, and too confused to make a sensible decision. Can you please advise his second wife to be patient, and do as a muslim wife should in times when her husband needs a companion and friend? I know it will be very diff for this sister, as even she is suffering in the midst of all these circumstances. However, a believer is pateint under all conditions. And Allah has said that the reward of being among the as sabireen is the most excellent of all rewards. The excellence of a muslim is not in fighting for his/her own rights, rather concentrating on the rights that others owe on this muslim. When a person is surrounded by grief, the worst thing that happens is that s/he thinks there is nothing beyond it. The reality though is that this world is full of people who have circumstances even worse than our own. If we were to learn about them, our pain will fade at the face of misery they are going through. We are sometimes too selfish to block the news of all others, and block our hearts from concern and compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters. If we were to look at them we can only thank allah for the blessings He has put in our lives. Rookaiya, there is nobody who is in perpetual bliss in this world. And the life of this world is fleeting. It is only a resting place for not more than three days. What have we prepared for the life that will come next? bickerings and quabbles with our fellow creatures? How will this profit when these 3 days are over? I think this sister needs some spiritual counselling. If she is ready for one, I can try to arrange for her, so let me know, insha allah. Tell her that I love her, and shall pray for her.
	Adab with Allah is the proper fruit of obedience - Habib Ali Jifri

rookaiya Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 04 May 2005 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 385	Post Options Post Reply Quote rookaiya Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 March 2007 at 7:06am
	what kind of spiritual conselling are u talking about?
	"so surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surah 94. verses 5 and 6