Private messages to women

Hello,

It is my understanding that many women feel uncomfortable when a man sends them a private message.  All the messages I have sent have been seeking information about some matter concerning ISlam or religion I believe, and never meant to offend anyone.

To avoid further offense in the future, how do I tell who is a man or a women here?  Many of the names are not common in the USA and I do not know if they are female or male names.

Again, I never meant to offend or hurt anyones feelings and I ask forgiveness if I have done so.

B.H. wrote: Hello,   It is my understanding that many women feel uncomfortable when a man sends them a private message.  All the messages I have sent have been seeking information about some matter concerning ISlam or religion I believe, and never meant to offend anyone. To avoid further offense in the future, how do I tell who is a man or a women here?  Many of the names are not common in the USA and I do not know if they are female or male names. Again, I never meant to offend or hurt anyones feelings and I ask forgiveness if I have done so.

Bismillah,

I'm sure the sisters were just being circumspect and dignified in their responses to you.  Your post to me was just a simple question with a simple answer.  However, you can also post something like that on the general posts to a person.  Some of the sisters don't mind answering you if it's in the public forum.  Others who do can just ignore it.

You can click on a user name when you are logged in to check their profile.  Many people put either male or female.  If female is not checked, you could do a forum search using the names to see if they have revealed it in their posts.

Salaamu Alaykum

Israfil,

I disagree.  Sometimes the posts are just wholy unwelcomed.  The women have every right to tell a man they do not wish to receive messages from them.  Any messages after that are strictly harassment.  I think that instead of deleting it, its best to just let the person know that you are not interested in private conversation.

I know I've been actually hit on twice since I've been here.  TWICE!  Both men were informed very curtly that I was a married woman and it was inappropriate for them to be private messaging me.  End of story. 

The best thing a man can do is send a message asking if they may inquire privately about an issue.  If the woman does not want to do so, then she can say No then.  Easy and no feelings hurt.

Israfil,

Perhaps I should point out why I consider it inappropriate.  I met my husband online.  We developed a close friendship that later became love.  I personally know how the little bits of data back and forth can lead to something very inimate.

One of my Prophets once instructed us to "avoid even the appearance of evil." 

I usually look over the question and determine comfort level.  But many Muslimahs would be even less comfortable about some things I've been asked than I was. 

Perhaps a good rule of thumb is, would you feel comfortable with another man asking your sister this question.  If you are unsure, then its best not to ask.