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loneliness in marriage |
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Shasta'sAunt 
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Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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 Posted: 28 May 2009 at 9:33am |
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Sorry if I sounded judgemental, but anytime I hear of children in such a situation I find it extremely bothersome. You are an adult and you have a choice of where you want to be and what type of behavior you will accept, as children they have none. I am ALWAYS adamant, and will never remain silent, about removing children from any type of abusive environment. I can find nothing encouraging to say about keeping children in such an environment.
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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I luv islam 007
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Female Joined: 19 May 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3 |
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Posted: 28 May 2009 at 10:22am |
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shasta's aunt, judgemental as stated. no need in apologizing if followed by the word " BUT" you now have become in the catergory as my husband . Judgemental and insensitive. As stated above i will tell you as i tell anyone else my children are off limits , GOT IT!. Not to mention you really dont know what you are talking about . When I posted about my then situation I posted about me NOT my children!. Take your gradness and adamantsie some where else . I CANT STAND JUDGEMENTAL INSENSITIVE PEOPLE!.They remind me of All and any type of abuser. My children are Not IN ANY WAY in a abusive enviroment . I havent posted my entire situation be it living arrangements etc. As I am not suppose to and I wont I touched on where I felt i could use some suggestions just as some have offered with out judgement . Allah u alam . However I do not desire to go back and forth with you its a waste of time . like I said you really dont know what you are talking about . Please when you talk say something. nOW i HAVE NOTHING AT ALL ENCOURAGING TO SAY to you! LIKE WISE . YOU ARE WASTED TIME! PLEASE LEAVE YOUR WORTHLESS AND JUGEMENTAL COMMENTS TO YOUR SELF . And mind to your own children ! if you have any. AND GET OFF OF YOUR SELF - RIGHTOUS RANT! . LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING DO YOU IT WAS EASY TO ADMIT SOMETHING AS SUCH. It's because of sisters like yourself why other sisters who may be in trouble search for help outside of the islamic community . Because SOME dont help they choose to judge instead to some how boost there own self esteem. Abuse ! hell thats abuse . I will never ever seek help in this form again. I will CONTINUE to seek help from Allah (swt) first . lesson learned !!!
Edited by I luv islam 007 - 28 May 2009 at 11:00am |
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Shasta'sAunt
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Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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Posted: 30 May 2009 at 5:39am |
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"My children are Not IN ANY WAY in a abusive enviroment ."
"we have one child together , he yells at me , has called me st**id many , many times in front of my children , tells me to s*****p in front of my children , has said hurtful things in the way of my weight gain after giving birth to his child, never ever complaints me or has anything nice to say about me , and often belittles me and picks me apart totally my husband has no patients with me at all."
You can call me as many names as you like. Any time children are forced to watch a parent being verbally abused and demeaned in front of them they are in an abusive situation.
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Pati
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Female Joined: 10 April 2009 Location: Spain Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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Posted: 30 May 2009 at 6:05am |
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Dear I_luv_islam_007, What is clear is that you are really confused. Your basis to fight for your relationship with your husband is the few good moments you have with him.
A marriage should be based in the commitment, in the respect and mutual support. Do you feel that your husband is giving you all that? Do you feel he is making you happy?
Really, you have to ask yourself about your real needs, and if it was enough for you to have 2 or 3 happy days per month with him, go on with your life. But if you think your needs are different, you have to change your life, you have to face him in order to solve the situation.
You may think that the children don't realize the situation between you, but believe me, the children do. They are too much sensitives, and they are learning from both of you, the good as well as the bad things. Do you want them to have the ideal of marriage that you are showing them?
I don't want to hurt you, that would be the last of my aims. I just want you to think about your self, and about your needs. In your first post, your words were showing lot of pain. Re-read it, please, and remember how many times you felt this way, and think if you want it to happen again.
I wish you all the best, and I pray for you.
Patricia
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No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
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martha
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Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140 |
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Posted: 30 May 2009 at 7:41am |
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Quote :- 'What I do know is if things aren't better between us by the winter, I'm out. As salaamu alaikum.' It is extremely difficult to assess one's own situation when faced with emotional battering. This sister is clearly experiencing this. Unfortunately none of us can help her as the decision ultimately is hers. But my guess is that her husband, in front of the kids, will 'push' her once too often and 'mother mode' will kick in, and she will have had enough. She and the kids deserve a kind, loving husband and father, period, not as and when he feels like it. What a jerk he is! Sister, you DO NOT have to live like this! YOU DESERVE BETTER! Suggest he sees the imam and goes for counselling. If he refuses to do either, then I am afraid he already KNOWS he is at fault. PLEASE DO NOT DELUDE YOURSELF.
Your husband is unlikely to change...only you need to see that. Doesn't matter what any of us say at the end of the day.
One final thing......when you do salat, ASK Allah what you should do. Ask Allah if you have done all you can in this marriage. You WILL get the answer.
All the very best, (from a once abused muslim wife now happy to be single, thanks)
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some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 30 May 2009 at 10:29am |
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Hey Martha,
Good to see you back!  Hayfa |
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Chrysalis
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Joined: 25 November 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2033 |
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Posted: 31 May 2009 at 11:40am |
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Dear Sister 'love islam', Nobody is bieng 'judgemental' here at all - we are all trying to help. All our comments are based on what you told us in your post. From the looks of it, I dont think anybody here has any positive hopes from you husband, considering 5 years have passed. Sometimes the right decision is the hardest to make. Shasta'a Aunt was giving you good and honest advise, she shared her own experiences with you. . . perhaps you were a bit unfair. You may be the best mother in the world, but you cannot deny that the family atmosphere and negativity in the environment does have an effect on children and thier personality. So Shasta has a point there. Don't get angry sis.
We are all trying to help in our way. Anyway, I hope everything works out for you - inshallah. Will make dua for you.
Also, you are correct, we all should turn to Allah first. . . Prophet Muhammad said in a hadith that even if your shoelace breaks, turn to Allah for help. Your matter is far more serious. Pray to Allah - Salaat-e-Haajat is a good option (specific prayer to Allah when we have a problem/want something) Let us know if you dont know how to pray that Salaat. . . will post the details.
Take Care Sis.
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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Shasta'sAunt
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Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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Posted: 02 June 2009 at 6:31am |
 Chrysalis
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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