my mom wont let me marry him

Salaams and Bismillah,

Dear sister,

You've been given a lot of really good advice.  Think about it clearly.  Are you close to your mom?  Then I would really consider marrying someone who she is also happy with if you can.  And be patient.  Maybe she will change her mind in a year or two if she sees this man waiting patiently for you.

Salaams

Are the reasons why I myself am slipping away from the community of Islam.

Don't leave brother! We need Muslim men like you! Think about the black Muslim children brother They need you brother! The immigrant Muslim community doesn't truly demonstrate any serious concern about the spiritual well being of our children, only if it benefits their community financially.

I think that marriage is about what we want in a spouse not what our parents feel is best for us.

I'm responding to this strictly from an Islamic theological perspective. Based off what I have studied the marriage guardian {Walee} of the female is a male relative which often is her farther, uncle, brother, grand farther. It is the obligation of the marriage guardian to find a suitable match for their female guard. It is his obligation to find a mate based off a standard (Islam) of what is considered healthy and appropriate for her. This is where this can get tricky, because in Islam, the marriage literally is of two families comming together. How ever, no where do the standards dismiss or totally disregard black skinned people. People complain about bidah, well if this isn't bida I don't know what is. I would like to state that in the Reliance Of The Traveller translated by Sheik Nuh Ha Mim Keller that he does state a Arab can not marry a non Arab- however there is no sahih narration provided and the method of this decision is not sound. Please see your nearest sheik.

Just because you cite a fallible statistics upon American divorce does not mean that, such a statistic has to be apart of this young girls reality.

Lol! I missed that one! You know what's so funny... the three major reasons given by crediable actuaries are 1) Infidelity 2) Money 3) Children/ Mixed families! Race has nothing to do with the splits! You can see a study from Reuter's. lol !

Your decision may result (which Middle Eastern and Far Eastern people do) in your family disowning you or kicking you out of the house. Not saying that is what they'll do, but that is a reality some interracial couples face.

This is why I'm advising this young lady to consult a professional counselor and try to establish some type of support system for her self especially if she becomes a mother. The hatred of our people amongst Middle Eastern and Far Eastern is worse than the KKK! See for ya self!

marriage is not about one's ethnic group as sister UmmAminata states.It sure is NOT! Let me tell you... when challenges, obstacles, pain, suffering, which happen to every human in what we call the reality of life, your ethnicity can't help solve a dang thang - that's for sure.

Ethncity can't pay the bills, ethncity can't sooth a crying baby, ethncity can't increase your eman, ethncity can't bring tenderness and intimacy, just can't!

Compatibility does not equal a successful marriage

We all are children of Adam and are a family within the bossom of Islam, therefore our success is not based off our external judgements upon each other but as individuals and as humans. Again this forum fails to promote such true Islamic thinking.

Brother- you are talking about what Sheik Hamza Yusuf calls " Meritourious Chilvary" unfortunately unlike the non-Muslim community which has made concerted efforts to seek healing and reconcilation, I'm afraid it ain't happening any time soon in the Muslim community. A few success stories but that's about it.

I myself being African-American male is very much educated. Steady Job. Also I have a two story house and very much living comfortable. I paid the house with all the hard work that I've done and right now I'm persuing my doctorate in Philosophy (also contemplating Psychology as well).

Brother... you are falling into that trap... You shouldn't even have to explain your self or justify- you are an adult, not a teenager or a dog. This reminds of that time during Mr. Luther King's marches when black men stood outside of federal buildings with signs in bold that said I AM A MAN. This is what you are getting at it subconsciously.

During Ramadan I was at the masjid and in the women's section it can be rather chaotic due to small children, and due to adults who act like children. To make a long story short, there was a nine month old ethiopian baby boy crawling on the floor by his mother who was eating. A Pakistani sister saw the boy, walked right on top of him, and kept going. Next, the mother and some other sisters of all races started screaming at the sister, meanwhile the boy is on the floor crying, and some body screams call the ambulance! What a Ramadan hunh? To make matters worse the lady just rolls her eyes and keeps walking toward the food.  A older Pakistani woman goes to her and ask her to apologize and respect the house of Allah. She refuses. As she walks to find a seat on the floor across the room she accidentally knocks over a little arab girl just starting to walk. She picked up the little girl, gave her kiss, and apologized to the mother.  Seeing this, the ethiopian mother, threw her food across the room- and well, after that I grabbed my daughter and ran to the nearest subway!

Some people are truly disturbed brother. This is why I will not allow my daughter to attend any Islamic schools what so ever. I've heard and seen horrific things occur. What I know for sure is that if anyone ever did that my child especially a baby...

well...

You know that " ol sayin bout mamas with shot guns."

I know my self very well, and if anybody every did that to any of my children, they will see the mother bear unleashed and it won't be a very pretty site. Hate to sound violent on ya but if you mess with my babies you mess with my emotions and that is all she wrote.

Slaam

Assalamu Alaikum,

Here is a quote from Prophet's ( SAW ) last sermon:

"All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white (person) has no superiority over a black (person) nor a black has any superiority over a white except by piety and good action. Learn that Muslims are brothers to each other and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly."

And there is a hadith:

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

May Allah guide us all.

Peace