Did he betray me?

Salaam sisters,
proudmuslimah3, thank you for your concern. Shasta's Aunt, you were right, the reason I left him in the first place has not changed, and he has not stopped his destructive behaviour.

I wish I had left things as they were, now I am going through the same threats to kill himself, involve my family, quit his job etc that I have already been through once. Please pray for me sisters, that I can come through this quickly, and that he can insha'allah find peace within him to put this behind him and start afresh in his life. He is a man with a lot of turmoil in his life.

I have been doing tasbih for the whole day, in the hope that he will leave me alone, he has been calling me nonstop since yesterday, and I and his family are finding his behaviour and threats so so distressing. I really hope I have to strength to see this through, insha'allah!

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir Rajeem,

Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim

 

 

May Allah give you ease in your situation, and may He show the light of guidane to this brother who was your husband, ameen.

 

After having read the entire string for the frist time, few unrelated things came to mind. Hope you will not mind commenting on your string, since you have discussed this matter on a public forum.

 

I:  Khula rulings are very different from talaq. There is no second or third chance in a khula. You are technically divorced in the first time, and cannot get back with your ex- unless you marry someone else, consumate that marriage, then terminate it. It is like this in islam to make us all understand the sacredness and seriousness of a marriage contract.

 

II:  Having some experience with marriage can tell you that a marriage that is so young as 8 months old, has lots and lots of room for compromise and mending.  And, every marriage has a potential to work or break.

However, if one is living in a bad marriage, one has only two solutions and no third. One, you change yourself, your take at things, your attitude to life in short fix yourself - and if you cannot do this, then know that it is close to impossible to fix your partner. Two, walk out of this marriage.

There is no third alternative.

 

Since you have taken the second alternative, now be content with it and find a new life. Masha Allah you mentioned you are turning to Allah for help in His rememberance. May He grant light to your heart, and show you a new way.

 

III: Please forgive me if this sounds dry :- To my understanding I cannot comprehend your being hurt by your ex-husband's fling.

He was the one who was left, despite the fact that he did not want to be left. You were the one who walked out on him. So in the first place he is the one who should be hurt, and very hurt, dear sister - please try to understand this. A young man, whose wife of 8 months has walked out on him, should he not feel hurt and lonely, and inconfident, losing control on his life - doubting himself, his personality ??

To my understanding dear sister, you left this man weak, and someother woman took advantage of it.

We can blame people for acting the way they do, but we cannot blame them for feeling hurt, and his circumstances made him feel hurt.

I am not condoning his reaction, all what I say is that I did not see in your posts any allowance for his hurt.

 

All what you should have concern for is the reason for your leaving him. You did not leave him for his fling, you left him before the fling. If that reason is still there, that is all what should have mattered.

 

secondly,  after you left him, by your own choice, do you still want his feelings to be tied to you? if so why? if not, why are you hurt if he could not handle his hurt in a manner more poise than how he did? After you have left him, he can do whatever he wants with himself and his feelings ... is this not so? Why do you still want him to keep loving you the way he did when you were his wife? If this is not what you want, then why are you hurt?

 

thirdly, men dont love in the same way as women do. When a woman loves a man, he is the only person in her life. Men can love more than one - like it or not, this is how it is. They are allowed by Allah to marry more than one. We should not think they will love just one, but still have 3 other. They have the potential to love all 4 ...

Please don't think I am saying your ex loved this woman, I am only trying to bring this fact to your mind that love of a man towards a woman is not like that of a woman towards a man. Thus their expectations and our expectations are different.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nausheen wrote:   Khula rulings are very different from talaq. There is no second or third chance in a khula. You are technically divorced in the first time, and cannot get back with your ex- unless you marry someone else, consumate that marriage, then terminate it. It is like this in islam to make us all understand the sacredness and seriousness of a marriage contract

Chrysalis, Very nice answer..