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Angel View Drop Down
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Points: 6641 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2005 at 8:19pm
Originally posted by ummziba ummziba wrote:

I just think it plain wrong to counsel someone to disregard their basic beliefs.

I never did such a thing!

I stated a few facts! and from my experience and I never suggested to disregard her beliefs!!



Edited by Angel
~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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Angel View Drop Down
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Points: 6641 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2005 at 9:26pm

Let's concentrate on one things here, the lying and betrayal.

Jenni, you say that your husband confessed everything to you about his past and even now he is telling you about his actions and whereabouts, granted he may not tell you beforehand but I don't know you haven't said anything, but he is certainly telling you afterwards, right? Despite your husband being alone with this girl, your husband says there is nothing going on now nor has there been since you both been married, is that right?  

I get the feeling from your posts that he has been upfront and honest with you (unless there is somethign you haven't revealed) am I right?

So I want to know is how is this lying and betraying you ?

~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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Lameese View Drop Down
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Points: 304 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lameese Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2005 at 9:57pm
Originally posted by Angel Angel wrote:

Originally posted by J.R. J.R. wrote:

Also....

I asked him to give me her phone number since he refuses to end their
"friendship" even though I demanded it, saying that I have every right to
demand that being his wife and considering what he did with her. I don't
blame her, she doesn't know he's married to me. Well he won't give me
her number upon me asking for it for over two hours on the phone.


J.R.

Just because you are the wife, your husband does not have to hand over the number or end the friendship whether you ask politely or demand it.

Your husband can have any friends he chooses, like you can have any friends you chose. We all need friends from both sides.

I can see why he probably won't give you the number, I know women they say more than 'I'm married' to the other woman, they can't leave it at that and then walk away. Not that I'm saying this is you, I don't know you.

And why is it important for you to have this girls phone number?

If what I'm hearing from you is truth, then your husband is being truthful and honest and not betraying you. He chose you to marry didn't he ?

{I mean no offence here} I know you believe this being muslim that when a man and woman are alone in a room there's a third, shatan but honestly and truthful it is not true, I myself have been alone with men and married men alone in a room and nothing happen, no sexual contact/lust, no petting, no kissing.

So what islam says here is not truth, for me anyway, from experience.   

So if you honestly believe your husband is being honest in what he is telling, (forgetting about his past) then he has not betrayed you. Holding eaching other or touching hair/skin is not betraying nor his he lying. And if he is not telling the whole truth, then he still hasn't lied.

 

Angel,

Evidently you are not married and I would gather that you still live at home. Here goes, yes it is wrong for him to lay on the bed with another woman when he is COMMITTED to another. That is a BETRAYAL in itself.  When you are married you do not LIE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN and hug, pet, and hold hands. If he is married he needs not be on a bed with ANOTHER woman in any way, shape or form. That is not ok, nor will it ever be ok.

When you were alone with these "other men" was it laying on a bed? Holding hands and petting on this bed? I would gather not! And if he admits he still has feelings for this other woman then THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! We are not children! He is an adult and needs to act like one. And if he wants to keep this woman as a "friend" then I say J.R. not allow him back into her life until he is ready to be a MAN and be COMMITTED! If she says this is ok that they are friends and allowed to lie in a bed, facing eachother and pet on eachother but did not "do" anything then that is just plain STUPID and he will cheat on her. She needs to stand up for herself and her marriage and not put up with this at all!

J.R. I say get a Louisville Slugger and go to where he is.........

 

Lameese
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Angel View Drop Down
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Points: 6641 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2005 at 11:05pm

It's up to jenni how she wants to deal with her relationship not us.

Lameese, I'm not stupidly naive/ignorant of somethings! I know where right and wrong is, granted for me the line goes a little furthur than mosts women, but not to point of stepping over the boundary!

And anyway its got nothing to do with anybody else than the people involved.

Again Lameese "Evidently you are not married and I would gather that you still live at home."

LOL! whether I am or not, its got nothing do with anything.

~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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Lameese View Drop Down
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Points: 304 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lameese Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2005 at 11:35pm
Originally posted by Angel Angel wrote:

Again Lameese "Evidently you are not married and I would gather that you still live at home."

LOL! whether I am or not, its got nothing do with anything.

 

I would say it has a lot to do with the way you think at this stage in your life.

 

Lameese
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Lehua View Drop Down
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Points: 37 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lehua Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 July 2005 at 1:13am

Angel,

I do not know where you are from and with all due respect I really don't care.  You have to understand that in Islam, it is inappropriate for a man and women (if they are not married to eachother) to be alone or  intimate.  This is not only limited to sexual relations, it includes holding hands, laying in a bed, playing with ones hair, hugging and in some instances talking.  You have made it obvious that these types of behaviors are fine for you, but you have to respect that it is not permitted for Muslims and you need to answer accordingly.  To do otherwise is to advise a person to go against thier beliefs.

J.R. please stay strong, you truly have a hard test.  Please do not forget that everything happens for reason (that we are unable to see or even comprehend) and that Allah(SWT) would not bestow such a trail on you if He did not know you could handle it. 

Lehua

 
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J.R. View Drop Down
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Joined: 25 June 2005
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Points: 87 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote J.R. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 July 2005 at 2:33am
Assalamu Alaikum,

Yes, i am on disability and have been for the past few months.
Unfortunately it's not quite enough to support myself...at least not in the
area where I live now. My funds have run out but I was expecting to move
to my husband so he could care for me. He told me last night that he
does not love me as much as he did when he married me....that was a
little under two month's ago. He says recently he's had these feelings of
love for her and is trying to figure out what they are. He said he needs a
few days to clear his mind so he can figure out what these feelings for her
really are...if they're love or just friendly affections. He said he wants to
love me as much as he did. I'm so deprerssed I'm beyond tears.


J.R.
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J.R. View Drop Down
Groupie
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Joined: 25 June 2005
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Points: 87 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote J.R. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 July 2005 at 2:35am
oh....

he told me he's told her he loves on on many occasions since we've been
married.
Smile
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