my mom wont let me marry him

Assalamu Alaikum,

Since it seems your mother and uncles are dismissing this brother soley because of his ethnicity, I can never agree with how they feel.  Aren't we suposed to better ourselves?  Aren't we in this forum to spread true Islam?  There are so many people out there who have the character and commitment to make marriages work, even with racial differences.  In the end we're all judged on our intentions.  If you are attracted to a certain looking man that's one thing and everyone has their own physical preferences and we're all entitled to them, but lets not let it fall into flat-out racism.  If you don't have a common ethnicity in common and there are certain issues you'll have to deal w/ in a marriage, just remember this man could at the same time have more qualities and strengths in other areas.  Just because another man may be Arab doesn't mean he's going to be a better husband. 

Salaam Sister

I was wondering where you were?

No one wants their parents to be upset with them- especially a Muslima. And there is no love like a mother's love that's for sure.

I really, really, believe that if you do decide to do this that both of you should seek professional pre-marital counseling and try to work through big challenges like this prior to marriage. A professional counselor may be able to help you help your family.

Trust in Allah.

Salaam

Salaam,

This is certainly my last post!

For those of you that very much dislike Western culture I'd like to say if there is anything you can learn it is the fact that at least from the intellectuals you can learn progressive thought. The problem with some immigrants that migrate to this country is they bring their 7 th Century Ethnocentrism style here. I note 7th Century because some of them think that way. Many dislike my comments because I keep it real and definitely honest about what I'm saying. In science they say the only thing that separate us from animals is our ability to reason. Well in accordance to marriage our reason is definitely not align with the credit that is given to humanity because we think very much on the outer not inner.

If we are to succeed as a true Islamic community we must start with our selves and give away our selfish desires by allowing ourselves to succumb to old ways which do not benefit us. I have to single out one who is Abuayisha who stated that there are more successful marriages with same ethnic relationships than there are interracial relationships. That may be true for now. However the gap of interracial relationships is getting much smaller everyday. Like I said compatibility does not equal success. I'd like to challenge anyone here who can prove to me that a marriage on the sole basis of race is the most successful. I swear by Allah on my soul that none of you can find one.

A relationship cannot work just by on ethnic ties. Even if there is commonality within the ethnic culture you still have personalities which are independent of themselves which require the individual to acquire such a personality. I won't go on and single out a specific culture but I'd like more of our immigrant friends to understand that humanity must not go on judging people from the outside. You women must be strong enough to make your own decisions as women. If you fear recompensation from your family then I'd say do not disobey them and forgo the marriage for now until an appropriate time.

If you cannot support yourself financially do not invoke the wrath of your parents but do not allow them to make decisions for you. In order to establish your own independence you must have the capability in making your own decisions. To judge a potential mate please consult with God first! It also helps in reading Qur'an and getting back to the basic understanding of Islam. I hope some of you who think in the 7th Century can get beyond your ways Godwilling.

I would suggest you talk with your mother about how
wrong her views are and educate her on what Islam really feels. Perhaps if she realizes that what she's doing is displeasing to Allah (swt) she in time can change. May Allah (swt) give you strength and make things easy for you. - JR

Sister if her mother truly cared about displeasing Allah she would never have this attitude about another Muslim she doesn't even know. The Qur'an is clear, our Prophet sws, is clear, this woman is disregarding the truth like many of us do. We pick and choose what part of this deen (which is supposed to be a protection not a weapon) we will practice.