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Urgent Marriage Advice Needed |
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jacquie 
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Joined: 01 August 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 18 |
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 Posted: 14 August 2008 at 8:50pm |
 *****GOOD NEWS******
Salam Alykom,
Although he refuses to go see the Imam on Friday, he has accepted to come have dinner with us on Sunday, and admitted that he misses us. His attitude tonight was completely different, so Insha Allah, it's a turn for the better. PLEEEEEEASE keep us in your prayers.
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jacquie
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Joined: 01 August 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 18 |
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Posted: 15 August 2008 at 9:32am |
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Salam Alykom everyone,
Another GOOD update,
He called me this morning before I left for work and asked if he could come pick up his electric razor. I waited for him, he went into the bathroom to get it, I went into my room so that I didn't have to watch him walk out that door again. He called me, so I went to see. He just made small talk, which is better then what he has been doing, but most important, as he was walking out the door, he said "I Love You".
Insha Allah, this story will have a happier ending then the beginning.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Jacquie
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afeefa
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Joined: 14 June 2008 Location: Saudi Arabia Status: Offline Points: 29 |
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Posted: 17 August 2008 at 1:59am |
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assalmualikum sister jacquie,good to know things are improving with u. Hope Allah makes things better and bring back happiness in your life in much a beautiful way even than before,and may Allah give you a great reward for all the patience and for all the things you are enduring. you are a beautiful sister, i like u, you are sensitive i can say, and also with a kind and loving heart, keep on that nature sis, Allah will reward u for all the hardships u bear for doing whats good. iam not married, and not much mature, am in my late teens,but i know very well how you feel and what all you have gone through, for i have experienced something similar to what u have,but now alhamduliah i feel much better, its like i can say, when Allah wants to test people whom He loves, He puts on them hardships to see how they react, and thereby if we pass the test then surely we are granted increse in guidance and beautiful faith,and a much better position in the sight of Allah.it will be much beautiful then. believe me.its my experince.i love someone and will never want to loose that person.i know how it pains when they want to end.(i never did anything that would displease Allah in the least bit though.) alhamduliah everything is fine now. you are being patient and seeking help from Allah and you put your trust in Him and hope from Him, surely will Allah grant you from His presence, for He is ever listening and forgiving and extremely merciful to His creation,and He will answer your prayers. ch 65 verse3 ....and He will provide him from a place unthought of and whoever puts his trust in Allah,then He is sufficient for him. Allah certainly fulfils His command ,Allah has indeed made a programme for everything. inshallah everything will be fine.he will return to u,inshallah. keep trying to increase your faith, and pray for guidance,be sure your love for ur husband will never be more than your love for Allah. ch 21 verse 88. So We listened to him;and delivered him from distress;and thus do We deliver those who have faith. ch 21 verse 84 So We listened to him:We removed the distress that was on him,and We restored his people to him,and doubled their number-as a grace from ourselves and a thing for commemoration,for all who serve Us. |
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Shasta'sAunt
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Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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Posted: 18 August 2008 at 4:46am |
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Assalamu Alaikum Sister Jacquie:
How are things going?
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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jacquie
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Joined: 01 August 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 18 |
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Posted: 18 August 2008 at 7:01pm |
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Salam Alykom,
We had our "Family Dinner" on Sunday, and it was like having dinner with a stranger, the only conversation was small talk that I initiated. We watched Con Air, and at the end when they play LeAnn Rimes singing "I Need You" I had to walk out of the room.
He asked to get some clean clothes, but as he was getting them he turned around and started towards the hall. I asked him what he was looking for and he said his luggagge so that he could go ahead and take everything. I told him that it wasn't a good time, and to please wait.
When he left, as soon as the door closed my daughter and I both broke down and cried our eyes out. This is really hard on both of us.
I don't know what else to try, is it even worth trying to have another dinner this week, and maybe it will be a little less uncomfortable. I don't know.
This morning I found a really nice Nasheed on YouTube. It's called "Zawjaty (( My Wife )) A Very Beautiful Nasheed ..", what I could understand it was beautiful, so I sent it to him. All I know is that he did check his email, but I don't know if he actually listened to it.
He called me tonight, and this time it was me not answering the phone, avoiding him. I didn't want to hear his voice because I cry as soon as we get off the phone.
I still want him to come home just as much as the first day, but I am so tired of hurting, and seeing my daughter hurting. I really don't know what else to do. Any suggestions?
Salam,
Jacquie
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Shasta'sAunt
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Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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Posted: 19 August 2008 at 1:25am |
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Walaikum Assalaam:
Sister, I think you should try to keep your daughter out of this as much as possible. If this constant up and down with him is hard on you imagine what it is doing to her, she is just a child. It can't be healthy for her.
If it were me I'd just leave it alone. You have let him know that you want him back, and you have given him all of the power in making this decision. There really isn't anything else you can do with regards to him.
You could focus on your daughter and try to make this easier for her. Maybe you guys could go away for a few days and take a break from all of the drama. Show her that even though this bad thing is happening between you and him, it is not happening between her and him and YOU still put her first and will still be there for her no matter what.
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 19 August 2008 at 12:28pm |
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Asalam Alaikum,
Jacquie this is very sad to read. It must be very disheartening for you and your daughter.
I agree with Shasta's Aunt, you need to focus on your daughter and protecting and helping her. You need ot help give her space, she is really young. And this can really affect her in many ways as she gows into adulthood.
I think also its important for you to get support from other adults, it can be friends or a counselor etc. This is important for you and your daughter. Yes it is painful but it is NOT the end of the world.
I agree you need to give things space and time.... the more you push the more it can just cause you heartache.. and really.. as SA said... he'll do what he is going to do. Sometimes the HARDESt thing to do is to let go of the thing or person we want to squeeze and hold onto tight and never let go. Sometimes you have to open your hand up and let it go.. and yes this is metaphorical, but it is mental.. he says he loves you but needs to leave.. well.. he may not know what he wants and such.
My duas for you..
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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jacquie
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Joined: 01 August 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 18 |
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Posted: 19 August 2008 at 3:00pm |
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Salam Alykom,
I really do appreciate your advice, and agree. Unfortunaley, there are not many Muslims where I live for me to get good advice from. My best friend's idea of helping me get past this was for me to go to dinner with her and 2 men, I did not go of course. My family just make comments about maybe now I'll stop wearing the towel on my head. Alhumdulilah you have been here for me.
I have made an appointment for my daughter & I to speak to a counselor on Thursday, we both need it. I have also decided that I am not going to call him or try to contact him in anyway, either he will miss me and look for me or it will start me preparing my life without him. It's killing me, but like you have said, I have to be strong and accept that this is Allah's will, I don't have a choice, all I can do is be stronger, and keep building my faith in Islam, Alhumdulilah.
Salam Alykom,
Jacquie
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