Marriage Trouble!!!

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      i am so sorry to hear this. i my self has the same problem but even worst.my husband has another wife,it's ok .the thing about is that he is scared of because she is before me. they have kids and i have a girl. he is always making excuses not to be around me.i don't know why.it hurts so badly because he does not come oftern.he comes 1 time a week 10 mins,that's all.i cry every day but there is no tears to come out.all i ever want  is to be a family  and to live a normal life. allah knows.so my sister don't give up. keep on praying and allah will help you.salam.

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samriha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 04 November 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 12	Post Options Post Reply Quote samriha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 November 2008 at 11:59am
	i am so sorry to hear this. i my self has the same problem but even worst.my husband has another wife,it's ok .the thing about is that he is scared of because she is before me. they have kids and i have a girl. he is always making excuses not to be around me.i don't know why.it hurts so badly because he does not come oftern.he comes 1 time a week 10 mins,that's all.i cry every day but there is no tears to come out.all i ever want is to be a family and to live a normal life. allah knows.so my sister don't give up. keep on praying and allah will help you.salam.

raiya16 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 06 October 2008 Status: Offline Points: 14	Post Options Post Reply Quote raiya16 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 06 November 2008 at 4:28am
	Salaams Everyone, I need some quick advice... my husband has started to suspect that i am planning something, even tho he does no tknow what exactly. Because of this he said in order to protect himself, since he does not trust me, he wants me to write a letter saying that under any circumstances he gets full custody of my baby. Now obviously i cannot do that, but if i refuse then he is going to accuse me of doing something, and say its because i must be guilty of something. I am hoping to see the doctor on monday and get a reprt to say i have been physically abused. if i do that i can then call the police and demand my passport and bank stuff. In the mean time, what do i do till then? He wants to send my child to his parents over the weekend because he is going to be working, and he does not trust her at home with me in case i do a runner... if he does take her however, i will call the police and say they have taken her against my will...

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 10 November 2008 at 9:16am
	Salaams Raiya, How are you? Please send us an update as soon as you can. Sarah
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

raiya16 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 06 October 2008 Status: Offline Points: 14	Post Options Post Reply Quote raiya16 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 November 2008 at 12:46am
	Wasalaams sister Hayfa, Alhamdulillah I am doing alright. Over the weekend my husband attacked me again, but this time I went to see my GP and Health visitor, who recorded the incident on file. They have made an appointmnet for me to meet a lady that works in the police dept, especially to do with domestic violence. They have seen proff of my bruises etc, and are going to advise me on what to do next. As for my husband, i think he suspects i am up to something, so since the incident he has been exceptionally nice to me... but i am keeping up my guard just in case... Thank you for your concern, I will let you know how things progress... I have been offered accomodation by a friend if i need to leave urgently. And my health visitor has told me that there is no way he will be able to take the baby, especially because now thay have recorded domestic violence in my file. Take care, Salaams...

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 November 2008 at 8:09pm
	My duas are with you.. And yes people will "Turn around" and give the face they think they need to show. Some people are really, really smart. Jusy don't be fooled. Keep us posted so we know you are alright.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

shaza Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 13 November 2008 Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote shaza Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 November 2008 at 11:40pm
	Asalaam , sister it appears you dont want to make things better , many people are trying to give you advise and you keep giving resons not to get out of this . unfortunately this is a sign of peole who are to be in an abusive relationships and cant see the light at the end of the tunnel . you have to take the first step to help yourself . if you go to work you can surely make a call to the police.

raiya16 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 06 October 2008 Status: Offline Points: 14	Post Options Post Reply Quote raiya16 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 November 2008 at 3:39am
	Sisters thank you for responding... It does seem as though i do not want to make it better, but it is easier said than done... i do want to get ouot of this hell of a marriage, but i am just scared to take that initial big step... i have many worries... not about myself but for the future of my daughter. What if we have shared custody and she has to be moved up and down, imagine how that will have an effect on her life...it would not be fair... i know in my heart staying with this man is no good for her as well... but what am i to do...i am in no position to just take control and go through with everything... Where would i start? Lawyers are an extra expense as well...and to apply for my visa is very expensive as well... things are very confusing... and i don't know how to go about things...

gumus Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 09 August 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 10	Post Options Post Reply Quote gumus Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 November 2008 at 2:57pm
	I understand your situation totally from experience. It's not an easy step, others have gone through the same thing as you but after divorce worked out the best for them, the ex-husbands have had nothing but misery for their bad bad behavior and the finl results. Even remarriage wasn't easy for those guys as they were bad. As for concern with joint custody remeber truth always comes out. Allah will show your daughter the true colours of her dad. It'll be worse if she see's you more miserable and abuse later on, now's the perfect time while she's still small and before there are more kids.