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Angel 
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Joined: 03 July 2001 Status: Offline Points: 6641 |
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 Posted: 22 July 2005 at 5:55am |
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Lameese, you do not know where I am at in my life. Lehua, you do not need to tell me about islam. I'm not going to defend myself. You don't accept what I brought across, fine don't accept it I'm not asking you too. And once again I never suggested that anyone go against what you believe in! We all have different levels of what is and isn't, what is acceptable and not acceptable, and I also have learnt that goes for muslims to.
J.R, I wish you all the best for the future, hope things work out Edited by Angel |
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 ~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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Jenni
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Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 7:08am |
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J.R> you should plan on saying goodbye to him, thats it honey. I'm
really sorry. You need to go to you local Masjid for help and if they
aren't helpful go to another one. Save yourself now. I would tell him
that you don't want to have anything to do with him anymore and that he
is not being a good Muslim. Tell him that you hope he gets his life
together but your not going to be in it!!!! And please understand that
when a man acts like this that psychologically its not about you, its
about him. His personality is deficient in some way which drives him to
do shameful things. Maybe he gets an ego boost or feels younger and
more important. Who knows? The problem is men like this have ahard time
being faithful to anyone. Even if he married his current girlfriend he
would very likely cheat on her. I would say to you that getting rid of
him will be the best thing for you. Please don't beg him, save you self
worth. Take charge of the situation and take it out of his control!!!!
I would have to say why don't you f*** off buddy. Sorry ladies but what
this guy is doing he really deserves it!!! Lastly do you have food
stamps, what about low income housing and financial aid to attend
college? Peace
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You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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herjihad
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Joined: 26 January 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2473 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 7:22am |
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Bismillah, J.R., I agree with Jenni's last post. If you need to and are able to end it, use your own words that you are comfortable with. I know it's really, really hard to be betrayed and alone and not have quite enough money to live on. The local mosques usually distribute charity either one time or on a monthly basis to supplement your income. It's hard to ask especially if you are sent from one person to another, but please try. You deserve better. It's good to have a man, but not a disloyal one. He could give you diseases! He needs to fast and pray to become a better muslim. If he is doing those things, he needs to do them more. Fasting keeps us away from haram things. Praying does too, and it reminds us of Allah, the Most Glorious, the Punisher. |
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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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firewall
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Joined: 06 November 2004 Location: Malaysia Status: Offline Points: 215 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 8:03am |
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J.R.
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Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 9:01am |
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Assalamu Alaikum,
Yes, I am currently alone here. I was with him during the 4th of July weekend and we had a magical time. Thank God I am a college graduate. I woud love to go and do the work I did before but man, my eyes are just not capable of the work, that's why i left it in the first place. I did not revert for this man. I was Muslim for over three years before I met him. I know that whatever decision I make must not be made in haste. Why did I marry him? Well, he did make me fall in love with him. I had discussed marriage with a few other Muslim men but once I told them of my disability they were no longer interested. But my husband never let it bother him and I do believe my disability is not why he's acting this way. He was always gentle and very affectionate with me, that's why this is hurting the way it does. I thought he was different. Everyone in here has a right to their opinion and I thank all of you for the time you've taken to sit down a write your posts, may Allah (swt) reward you for your efforts. I'm thinking about all my options now and praying very hard. I know being alone causes thoughts to pop into ones head but he was weak. I'm the stronger one. I never EVER would allow a man to come into my bedroom and cuddle with me and let him put his fingers though my hair and I doubt he'd forgive me if I had done this. I have to give more time to whatever decision I make. J.R. |
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Lameese
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Female Joined: 08 April 2002 Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 9:35am |
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I am so sorry this is happening to you. I do not think your disability is why he is doing this. But I do think that maybe he used your disability to make you love him. And in some way I think he uses your disability to act the way he does. To need someone is a very powerful thing and he knows you need him because you love him and because you are legally blind and because you are now married to him. I agree with Jenni, you need to leave him now. The longer he thinks you are thinking about this the more he is going to "play" with this other woman. The more time you give him, he thinks that you are going let him get away with anything. Also, he is telling you that he does not think he loves you as much as he did when he first married you. Please, save your self respect and at least tell him this is not acceptable and that you are going to the masjid to ask for a divorce from him for his unacceptable Islamic behavior. Maybe he will come to his senses then and realize that he has a WIFE. He has already committed adultry by laying with this woman and refusing to tell her that he has a wife. And I do not believe that all he did, while laying on a bed with her was play with her hair. I have been where you are now. I was engaged to be married and the man I was engaged to and in love with was cheating on me with another woman. His cousin called to tell me. Of course he denied everything, until she got pregnant. When I left him, he came to my fathers house and begged my father to force me to marry him. You need to ask him if he has committed "zina" with this other woman and he needs to tell you the truth. And you are right. If you had done what he is doing now, he would divorce you so fast that your head would spin. Jenni is right, you need to get on food stamps and welfare and you need to apply for disability and your Doctor can write something for you to show the disability board just how disabled you are. It is time to take care of yourself. I am so sorry J.R. and I am sorry if my post hurts you in any way.
Lameese |
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Jenni
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Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 9:53am |
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J.R. We are all thinking of you and I know I will say a prayer for
you.And I don't know what your field is but thier are opportunities for
sight disabled people in the job market. you need to be creative. And
if you are looking in the future for a husband consider someone who is
also disabled in some way that can still support a family. There are
many good men out there who are maybe def or have some physical
problems and have a hard time finding a wife, but they are still hard
working good men. Keep your options open. But just realize now that you
can't trust anything this man says, and he has probably done more with
her than just kiss and cuddle. Just think of his character and imagine
if you want someone like that to father your children. Maybe in the
future he will start drinking, or gamble in casinos or look at
pornography. The point is he has shown serious flaws in his character
early on, that is a very bad sign. Take care dear. Peace
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You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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MayPB
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Joined: 21 July 2005 Status: Offline Points: 75 |
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Posted: 22 July 2005 at 9:46pm |
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J.R. Salam, I 'm sorry for your situation, do you have children? That would change everything. You mentioned that you wear hijab and I know it must be hard as a westener with your family not supporting you while you are muslim and then to have a husband causing you to seriously question his character at this moment, but I urge you to be strong in your faith regardless of others misbehavior, be smart. |
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J.R. wrote: