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Urgent Marriage Advice Needed |
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afeefa 
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Joined: 14 June 2008 Location: Saudi Arabia Status: Offline Points: 29 |
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 Posted: 20 August 2008 at 7:06am |
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assalamulaikum, dear sis jacquie, Its painfull indeed to read, the things are not smooth, but dont loose anyhope sis, trust in Allah whatever the result comes of it, inshallah it will the best for u. It seems ur husband really have no serious intentions of leaving u, or may b no intentions of leaving u at all.Sis he is confused, he is upset for ur sensitivness. He dosent want u to b so, may b he is hurted that u dont trust him.He loves u, may b he is doin this all to bring a change in u(he might b serious about it). you havent done anything wrong , u dint cheat him, or fought with him, u have always been good to him, he dosent have a strong reason to b leaving u.He is hurting u no doubt, but perhaps he feels thats the only way he can bring change in u.for he says he loves u, and so being far from u hurts him too. be patient as u are sis, and dont let urself get hurt much and even ur daughter. hope from Allah and pray, inshallah things will b better soon. will pray for u, dont ever loose hope in Allah.He will answer you and respond to you, inshallah. involve urself in reading of the quran and salaah, it will help u ease , and grant peace to ur heart. certainly in the rememberance of Allah does lies peace.and remember the saying of our prophet Muhammad pbuh,"A believer is not beset by any hardships or fatigue or illness or grief or even a worry except that Allah will expiate his sins thereby. ch 2 verse 45-" Nay,seek (Allahs)help with patient perseverance and prayer:it is indeed hard, except to those who bring a lowly spirit--- ch 14, verse 34" And He giveth you all that ye ask for............." keep in touch sis. hope to hear good from u ... |
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 20 August 2008 at 12:23pm |
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My best friend's idea of helping me get past this was for me to go to dinner with her and 2 men,
Well clearly she does not know you too well!
Well I am a big proponent that sometimes you need mental relief. We women are very intense and we THINK far too much at times, often to our own detriment. So I think escapism is a good thing. Go see a movie, read a good novel. Now of course you should see to be closert to Allah..
This past weekend I just closed the shades, and did my own thing.. watched a little TV etc.. sometimes I and anyone just needs a break. Especially if you are the type to push and push yourself.. Its like an athlete, yes you need to push hard to achieve, and sometimes you need a couple of days off to rest. I watch sports to relax sometimes.. its mindless stuff and I need to give my very active brain a break.
And also, admit if you feel like crap and maybe are depressed. You know what.. it happens. Your life has just had the rug pulled out from it.
Men are a different kettle of fish... Its the same devistation when a man wants a 2nd wife etc..
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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afeefa
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Joined: 14 June 2008 Location: Saudi Arabia Status: Offline Points: 29 |
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Posted: 23 August 2008 at 8:15am |
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Well I am a big proponent that sometimes you need a mental relief.We women are very intense and we THINK far too much at times, often to our own detriment, So I think escapism is a good thing. I agree with u sis hayfa. Men are a different kettle of fish... lol sis, i would say they are a new subspecies in making... Edited by afeefa - 09 October 2008 at 11:19pm |
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thaniya
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Joined: 28 August 2008 Status: Offline Points: 9 |
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Posted: 28 August 2008 at 11:12pm |
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Asalam aleikum Jacquie and daughter,
Inshallah I hope you are all well. Really sorry to read about what you are going through. You know what whenever I feel down, whenever things are not going my way I always remember that they are people out there who are going through so much worse. Count your blessings Allhamdulilah, you have a healthy daughter (and as sweet as you sound am betting some of your sweetness has rubbed off on her too), you have Islam the very best gift anyone can EVER give you Allhamdulilah think of all those who have not been as blessed, you have your health... you may have lost your husband and feel you've lost such a big part of your life, but you have Allah and that is EVERYTHING my dear. Ramadhan is coming up, a great opportunity to concentrate on improving your relationship with Allah. Try attending halaqas, try going for Taraweh, concentrate on your ibadaah, take up hobbies you had before (halal of course), have quality time with your daughter(organize a pick nick with her and her friends why not), concentrate on the good in your life and Inshallah Allah will make it easy for you. And you have us to boost your morale too, aren't you the blessed one! |
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jasmine
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Joined: 09 October 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1 |
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Posted: 09 October 2008 at 1:51pm |
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Hi Jacquie,
I hope you read your messages and I hope I am not too late in replying.
I am sooo sorry my dear sister.
This is surely a test from Allah to test your Iman. I can almost relate to you, the only thing you can do is have patient and keep praying and crying to to the creator.
Do tahajjud prayers in the middle of the night.
I know it is hard and I know you are sufferring, but inshallah at the end you will see good results from Allah (SWT) inshallah.
If you want, I can give you my email address , so we can talk, I live in NY.
May allah help you and give you SABr Inshallah.
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shawaya
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Joined: 09 October 2008 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 13 |
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Posted: 11 October 2008 at 1:06pm |
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Salamu allaykum sister,may God be with you in this hard times.i am sorry you are going thru this, but remember allah and that this is a test. my grandma always said that men's desire increase as womens decrese. what i am trying to say is that show him that you are strong enough, we are human being. we sometimes take pride when someone makes us most important thing in their world, you have your doughter and you health and most importantly you have allah. LET HIM KNOW that this marriage should mean to him as much as it means to you!. i don' want to think that its a game, but for 1 week see if you can't make him belief that you are OVER HIM. i think you husband does want to come back its just that he doesn;t want to be that needy. man do not do well with needy wifes. Summit youself to allah and show him your OK. when he calls You want to change something in your life too. that u want to be happy and that if you do get back together. he should treat you how he want to be treated.
My Duas are with you sister.
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jacquie
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Joined: 01 August 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 18 |
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Posted: 13 October 2008 at 6:48pm |
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Salam alykom Sisters,
I am sorry for not letting you all know how things are going, but having my husband home I don't seem to have much free time
 I finally had enough of him saying he loved me and then saying he didn't say that the next, that I told him that I was done.
 I told him I didn't want him to call me, message me, or to see him ever again, I told him to give me talaaq through the imam at the mosque, and that I would file for legal divorce.That night after taraweah prayers he was home begging for forgivence and to come home. It was hard at first, but each day I trust him more and more, and it's easy to see that we really love eachother so much, our fairytale is back, Alhumdulilah. I think I say alhumdulilah at least 100 times a day just for having him back home and our marriage happy again. ALHUMDULILAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Thank you all so much for your support and your prayers, I love you all so much. Please remember that I am also here for any of you that need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to scream in, Allah haliki.
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Shasta'sAunt
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Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
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Posted: 14 October 2008 at 5:08pm |
Assalamu Alaikum:
Good for you for sticking up for yourself and making him man up. Just remember to stay strong and keep your faith in Allah, not any man.....
Best of wishes to you, your daughter, and husband.
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�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt |
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jacquie wrote: