PLEASE HELP!!

Salam Dear Sister(JR)

LEAVE HIM!!!!!! listen to me, he is sick. Insha�llah you will get a better husband. If you don't have children -LEAVE before you get pregnant,,, I'm telling you this guy is far from being a muslim husband...

Assalamu Alaikum,

I hear what you're all saying. I do feel though that since we're apart I
should not divorce him until I at least spend time with him again. We're
not legally married yet, we just had the nikah. We had planned on having
the legal wedding when I moved out there. I told him I'd try coming out
there but that I do not wish to have the legal wedding until I'm sure about
everything and that I do not want to give myself to him again until I feel
he's learned from his mistakes and is ready to be a Muslim husband and
one who compleetely loves me. I told him if I feel this is not the way it's
going then I will move out and start over again. I have to leave this
apartment anyway because someone else has already signed a sub-lease
and the living expenses are higher where I am anyway. The imam out
there knows what's going on and is supportive of me. I know I'll be able
to go to him for help as well. I just don't know if the distance so soon
after marriage caused his feelings to be confused. I know he would never
force himself on me if I move out there. I know I can not risk bringing a
child into the picture until we're both 100% sure of things and I won't
allow that risk to happen. I am still praying so hard for the right thing to
do. I know I'll have my disability money and I can reapply for food
stamps out there until I find a job. insha Allah. I do feel I'll have the
courage to move out and start over if I feel it's not working but I'll never
be 100% clear in my decision until I'm face to face with him again.

Peace,
J.R.

Dear J.R

Think very carefully BEFORE you meet him again. By his conduct so far it doesn't seem like he is a practicing muslim:

1. he has been far too intimate and free with a woman outside of marraige
2. he has lied (by omission) to her
3. he has continued his relationship while he has been married to you (adultery)
4. he has deliberately hurt you by continuing the immoral behavior, almost flaunting it in a way 
5. you admitted that he would not have been as forgiving of you if the situation had been reversed

why dear sister do you want to stay with this "non-muslim" and jeopardize your faith and your self-esteem further?

J.R. 

I'm not going to advise you one way or another, but I will give you this advice.  If you can, take out a Visa Card before you leave.  Keep it clean and active.  Take your American Passport and Papers and lock them where he cannot get them when you get there, preferrably with the Visa.  I used to work in a domestic violence shelter and the worst victims were women who had been cutoff from any escape route.  I'm concerned about you being blind in a foreign country with no family to fall back on.  Learn your way to the American Consultate and don't be afraid to run.  From what I understand this man is simply unfaithful, but you don't seem to really know him all that well.  Just protect yourself with an escape plan.  You many never need it, and hopefully, it will never come to that.  But, its better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.  If you cannot get a Visa Card, try to get some cash that you can throw in a Safe Deposit Box or something.  And, I'll keep you in my prayers too. 

Angie