Am I doing the right thing?

Asalamu 3alakum,

Recently I met a very pious brother. I met him at my lowest, and we got to know one another purely for the intention of marriage.

I have always alhamdulillah been a good muslimah, never had a boyfriend/relationship because I knew when the time came, it would be well worth it.

I thought/think this brother is the answer to my prayers. He was everything I asked Allah for as a husband and as a father to my future children inshallah.

It is as if Allah made him just for me. As his intentions were pure, he came and asked for my hand in marriage.

My parents did not think it was the right time. They wanted me to wait and revisit marriage in a few months. I am 22 now nearly 23, they put a good case but I cant stop thinking ive made a mistake.

I want to respect my parents, and they are very fair to me. They didnt find a fault in his character, they are just cautious because of something in his past. He is the best man I have ever come across, and the thing that happened in his past was not his fault.

He strengthened my relationship with Allah, wakes me up for fajr and always had my best interest at heart. He always strived to be a better muslim and this is rare in todays society. He never asked me to do anything Allah didnt already ask of me, he was fair and when I told him my parents as me to wait, he just said alhamdulillah and Allah knows best.

We agreed that he would continue looking for a wife, and if he found one he would marry and not wait, and I agree with that. If he isnt married in a few months we re-visit the issue.

I want to respect my parents, and I have done everything they asked, but I really think he is the one. I have come across many men and there isnt one close to this guy, and I afraid in the future I will always compare other men to him and never be truly satisfied.

During the time I got to know him, I prayed isti5ara nearly daily, and I had good dreams and our road was easy, too easy, until he came to visit and my parents asked me to wait and see if I still wanted to marry him in a few months.

They said that I need to trust in Allah, and that it is already written. If I was meant to be with this man than it would happen and they couldnt stop it either way, so I listened to them.

But still, I have a nagging feeling he is truly the one. Every-time I think of his characters, and his deen, and his personality, I could not even picture a better person for me

I feel like I am letting an opportunity pass, at the same time I feel like I should stop being selfish and perhaps this is a test from Allah, to test my patience and my trust in him. What should I do?

Ron Webb wrote: I'm hoping that someone will reply to this, because I'm very curious to know what a Muslim would say.  The lady says she is nearly 23 years old.  Does it even matter what her parents think?

Hi Ron,

I too, am interested to hear replies.
I say, of course it matters what her parents think.  A new person is being brought into the family and parents want only good things for their children, it is good to listen to counsel and foolishness not to.

I believe in the proverbs: (and in native ways and traditions where elders are always consulted)

¹⁴ Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

²² Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.

I admire the way the muslim community honors parents... as long as those parents are just and loving.

I think it is right and good that she puts faith in her parents and trust in the One above.  If it is meant to be, then it will be.  I am a big believer in that.  and if it does not come to be, then it was not meant to be.  It is all part of accepting the will of One greater than ourselves.

Edited by Caringheart - 21 January 2015 at 8:44pm

Whatever your age, it doesn't alter the respect you give your parents nor the importance of your faith. But like you, I believe bintbelady needs advice from someone who understands her situation.