your opinion? - agnostic meets Muslim

Hello. I wanted to ask here for some advice and thoughts. There were two categories here that seemed almost suitable so I apologise if the other one would have been better.

I noticed this very private, guarded woman in a coffee place, in a town where we live an hour form London, and became curious about her. I'm probably ten years older than her and this is not about men and women, romance etc, but curiosity about her as a fellow human being. We didn't speak for three months, and then I saw someone shout at her, and then she shouted back. The man had harassed her before, she told me. We ended up talking for quite some time, nearly two hours. It was one of the most beautiful and lively conversations I've had for years. The ice breaker was a book she'd been reading which I'd read. She told me she'd converted to Islam at university. We talked about life in our town, where we'd both grown up it seems. I felt nervous, partly affected by a couple of espressos, but partly because I'm seldom in company, and wanted her to feel at ease and like talking to me.

I saw her again the next day and we waved a little wave. She went and sat by herself, which I'd fully expected. I did feel a bit sad but I fully accepted it. We're not that different in this regard of being private. I had told her in our talk that I wouldn't bug her but that she'd be welcome to sit with me any time. I wanted her to put her at ease.

I would like a dialogue and friendship with her. I don't feel our different ontological makeup should be a problem, but if it is for her then I will have to humbly accept it. I've wondered if I should write her a letter and give it to her. I don't want to harrass or annoy her but it was such a lovely talk that it seems strange to consider she would have decided altogether on not having another talk. I don't mean this in any vain, narcissistic way because I am a quiet and diffident man, quite private and guarded myself.

Do you think she will have decided to not be open to knowing me because I'm an agnostic? Could she have decided to be some kind of separatist? How common is that? I would actually understand it, given what our town is like - maybe living here has scarred her. I'm nothing like the locals though. (I did also stress to her that I was emphatically an agnostic and not an atheist.) She does seem a bit angry in a simmering kind of way - _not_ to me but regarding experiences; she was very polite to me - and I can understand that if she grew up in this town, a prejudiced place. To me, with ecological concerns that will involve us all before long regardless of our beliefs, I just think it is good to forge a dialogue with people of different creeds to find how we are allies. I am fully sincere and earnest, and don't wish to ask anything of her 'as a man'. I know I'm too old, and I've let that side of life go really. I have nothing to offer in that kind of capacity. It may be that she has assumed I will want to be with her romantically; maybe she has had a bit too much attention or maybe something traumatic has happened and any unsolicited attention may be painful or anxiety-making.

I will give up gracefully if I need to but I'd like to find if I need to know something, to prime myself to be a good friend to her. I do try to learn of Islam, I have a few books, I google, and I've done this for a few years simply out of interest.

What I've written above was written a few weeks back in another, seemingly dead forum. I will add that since then I've been away for a fortnight and then since seen her again in the same place. When she saw me she put her hands over her eyes, almost like a shy child. I know, it doesn't sound promising. I should emphasise that I merely caught sight of her while carrying my coffee to my table, and wasn't actively staring or anything weird. I've been thinking I should just go to a different coffee place because I don't want to inadvertently make her feel uncomfortable. She had said something before that made me think she might be either schizophrenic or have some schizophrenia-like symptoms, or possibly something on the autism spectrum, or simply that she has a different kind of neurology and is hyper-sensitive. I feel like my heart is breaking not being able to ask if she is all right, if I can help, if she needs someone, a friend. I don't want to walk away in case she simply doesn't know well how to be with people for some reason. I've comsidered again a letter, but I don't know how to safely get it to her - I worry she might scream at me if I ask to leave it with her, and I've considered writing to the coffee place and asking the manager to give it to her. I mean, what if she wants to know me but is anxious or some kind of neurological difference is causing her to do the opposite of what she wants? I have been like that in my life, especially in my 20s. She literally said as she left for work after our first talk, 'I enjoyed talking to you,' and I didn't prise that statement out of her.

I would guess that many people would just say give up. I will if that's all I can do but I feel like I need to be sure it's what she wants. But it also feels like this is not about two individuals. It feels profound, like it's about civilisation crumbling, creeds separating, humanity turning away from itself and the universe deciding a huge no. It feels, in other words, symptomatic, an instance of cultural malaise. And that is why it's heartbreaking to me, how layered the experience is, because I know that neither I nor this one woman are that important.

Thank you for your time.

Edited by id665310 - 31 August 2016 at 1:48pm

Hello. I see there there have been 19 views of my post. I understand that my post is unusual and perhaps awkward. I'm also very grateful that the moderators have granted me the use of the forum to post. If people here do not feel able to offer comments, would it be possible to summarise why? Even this might be of some assistance.

I can see from some perusal here that people do come here to cause trouble and I'd like to assure you that I have not. I have the same intentions here as I have towards this woman.

Thanks.

Respectfully, id, it sounds as if you are not a true agnostic anymore but rather a seeker who still has deep doubts. If this woman is leading you to learn more about Islam something decidedly non-agnostic is in play.

Id, welcome! You mentioned going to another coffee shop, and that may indeed be your best bet in this situation. Her religion will not allow for sitting and chatting with you on any regular basis in the coffee shop. Seems that we never really outgrow infatuations, but take the highroad and properly manage this one. Stay away from her. All the best!