seeking advice on bringing up kids

Assalamu'Alaikum Sisters,

Insha'Allah this reaches everyone in the best of Imaan....

I just joined this sites forum board and Mash'Allah there are some very nice topics up for discussion.

I live in the USA and have Alhamdulillah 4 boys ages 16,14,9&6.....

I would have to say go back to the Sunnah and follow the 3-7's rule as a basis or foundation....and build on that.

It seems to me you're in the first stage of 7's the fun stage of "Play".....

In our house we only watch Islamic programs on the tv or pc....and we limit the time to after studies are complete. I emphasize Islamic and not Arabic programs because most Arabic programs are horrible without any kind or rating system or anything....I do have a large selection of disney movies in Arabic though it helps the kids learn more common Arabic grammar as well.

Ahhhhh! the age old question public or private schooling....personally if I had the patients I pray to Allah to bless me with more and more each day I would just home school my children.

My boys go to public school and celebrate only Eid not halloween or Valentines  or any such nonesense and the school is very supportive of that Alhamdulillah....

We don't have any Islamic High Schools grades 9-12 in our area so the problem most Ummi's I know are facing is the integration....Unfortunatly their daughters feel lost in mainstream and only 1 out of 4 that I know sends their daughter to school with hijab all the others wear western clothes etc....

Honestly when they ask my opinion I tell them that if I had a daughter I would send her to Islamic school so there would be no mixing and from grades 9-12 just hire a private tutor for the house or homeschool her.....

My other hesitation with Islamic school is that my husband is a weekend teacher at our Masjid he teaches recitation and on recess he has caught many boys saying profanity calling young ladies up on their phones or trying to mix with the girls in the parking lot...

Our children don't even go out to recess anymore...

He asked them where did they hear all of this from and they say at school....Islamic school....

My dear sister you can put the best intentions in your heart but you see the families at Iftar, you pray with the sisters at the masjid, and you see how they raise their children....

So no matter what school system you choose your darling little ones will be exposed at some point to less than perfect behavior....

Just teach your children right from wrong, and send them at least to a weekend school at your masjid, and make your home truly and Islamic home where the Angels will come in and you will be fine Insha'Allah.

As far as the doctor or dentist visits your kids are still young so they may not need much motivation. But, I usually set up a reward system for the kids. Such as, a special treat, extra computer time or first pick of what Islamic game to play during family time that sort of thing. That way they know and understand what the expectation for the entire visit from home to office and back is and that there will be a reward for trying their best....There's always going to be a few tears shed that's just a given.....

I never spank my children. I just don't have the heart to do that but I do believe in quiet time alone to think and reflect on ones actions and to know that whatever you do there will be an equal reaction to your action....It works pretty well....

The most important thing Sister is don't ever take yourself to seriously and just respect your children even when they're in trouble because when you treat them with respect even while disciplining them they will grow up to love and respect you as well....

Good Luck...Alhamdulillah children are a great pleasure to all of us Ummi's.............

MasSalaama

Assalamu'Alaikum Dear Sisters and umss,

Insha'Allah this helps explain the 3-7's

According to Sunnah you break the childs life down into 3 stages with 3 very specific goals.....

STAGE 1- the first seven years of life are for play, love your children and play with them enjoy them love them and inspire their creativity....

STAGE 2- ages 7-14 "TEACH THEM" thats the most important thing you can do for them help them learn all of the important things about life and their deen....similarly that is why children are supposed to start their daily salat on a regular basis at age 7.......

STAGE 3- ages- 14-21-respect them know that the lessons they've learned have been learned well and now even though you are their parent and know whats best for them you need to have the ability to listen to them and they need to by now have the ability to trust you so that when life plops a problem at their doorstep they will come to you first for advice not their friends and peers.

final stage-age 21 and beyond-LIFE-you've raised Insha'Allah a wonderful muslim/muslimah adult and now it's time for them to start their adult life and take all that you've taught them with them so that they'll be prepared to raise their own family.

Anway's that's the 3'7's rule in a nutshell.....

MasSalaama