To hold on or let go?

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   Background:

Been a part of eachother's life for 7years now since early teens, she 
was 3 years younger. (before you condemn me, there has been no zina or 
anything, not justifying being together though). She is the best thing 
that happened to me and she is a good person and a muslim. She honestly 
changed me and made me a better person and a better Muslim and in that 
sense thats exactly the person you want to marry and spend your life 
with.

Some more context, she is well off, I am from an upper middle class 
background(think: her dad has earned 5x more than mine has each year for
 the past 20). Lifestyles are similar yet hers is obviously more lavish 
but thats never come between us.

Now:

I'm 24, have a stable but low-paying job in my home country, I have 
known I will never be able to afford marrying her if I dont move abroad 
and luckily my parents want the same. I will be going for my masters 
this year to U.S and graduating in 2022, she will be finishing undergrad
 the same year. We are at the stage of having told our mothers and ready
 to potentially be engaged before I leave with plans for nikkah end of 
2022 once i get a job and an apartment for her.

That was the plan, it always has been.

But moving abroad was not her first choice, she is super close to her 
family unlike me, so it is a compromise for her. Also, she will not be 
able to work being my F1 dependent while im on my opt in U.S so thats 
another compromise.

We were talking about stuff and she decides since she cant work, will be
 away from family she wants a baby soon after marriage in like the first
 year(this is new, previous plan was to wait 1.5-2years) and its 
non-negotiable since she cant make more compromises.

Going to U.S and working hard was my way of having enough to afford her 
lifestyle, I was sure of that that I would have enough to keep her 
happy. Although I wouldnt be stable in anyway still on my student visa 
for work permit, 26, not even H1B visa unless God helps with that. and 
post-grad school would be me starting over.

But, the thought of having a child in the middle of all that; a year out
 of grad school still at the start of my career with barely any savings -
 having a wife stable yes but not a baby stable. I do not want to bring a
 human into this world in such instability and lack of financial 
security. Its freaking me out soo bad since we had this conversation. 
There's no way I can be sure of being able to provide realistically.

I tried to tell her but we fought and she says she expected me to be 
excited about it, its non-negotiable for her to the point where if its a
 no for me then its over for us.

Now I'm stuck and honestly soo stressed and freaking out. On one hand 
its her the person I want to spend my life with who is good for me and 
everything I ever want, on the other the whole expectation of having a 
baby and being able to afford one which It doesnt seem like i 
realistically would be able to. 

What do I do? Accept the situation with the uncertainty and tell that to
 her or let her go because I might not be able to keep her happy 
lifestyle wise.

Is doing an istikhara valid in this situation. please help this has me stressing so bad.

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A313A Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Male Islam Joined: 05 January 2021 Location: IND Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote A313A Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: To hold on or let go? Posted: 05 January 2021 at 7:39am
	Background: Been a part of eachother's life for 7years now since early teens, she was 3 years younger. (before you condemn me, there has been no zina or anything, not justifying being together though). She is the best thing that happened to me and she is a good person and a muslim. She honestly changed me and made me a better person and a better Muslim and in that sense thats exactly the person you want to marry and spend your life with. Some more context, she is well off, I am from an upper middle class background(think: her dad has earned 5x more than mine has each year for the past 20). Lifestyles are similar yet hers is obviously more lavish but thats never come between us. Now: I'm 24, have a stable but low-paying job in my home country, I have known I will never be able to afford marrying her if I dont move abroad and luckily my parents want the same. I will be going for my masters this year to U.S and graduating in 2022, she will be finishing undergrad the same year. We are at the stage of having told our mothers and ready to potentially be engaged before I leave with plans for nikkah end of 2022 once i get a job and an apartment for her. That was the plan, it always has been. But moving abroad was not her first choice, she is super close to her family unlike me, so it is a compromise for her. Also, she will not be able to work being my F1 dependent while im on my opt in U.S so thats another compromise. We were talking about stuff and she decides since she cant work, will be away from family she wants a baby soon after marriage in like the first year(this is new, previous plan was to wait 1.5-2years) and its non-negotiable since she cant make more compromises. Going to U.S and working hard was my way of having enough to afford her lifestyle, I was sure of that that I would have enough to keep her happy. Although I wouldnt be stable in anyway still on my student visa for work permit, 26, not even H1B visa unless God helps with that. and post-grad school would be me starting over. But, the thought of having a child in the middle of all that; a year out of grad school still at the start of my career with barely any savings - having a wife stable yes but not a baby stable. I do not want to bring a human into this world in such instability and lack of financial security. Its freaking me out soo bad since we had this conversation. There's no way I can be sure of being able to provide realistically. I tried to tell her but we fought and she says she expected me to be excited about it, its non-negotiable for her to the point where if its a no for me then its over for us. Now I'm stuck and honestly soo stressed and freaking out. On one hand its her the person I want to spend my life with who is good for me and everything I ever want, on the other the whole expectation of having a baby and being able to afford one which It doesnt seem like i realistically would be able to. What do I do? Accept the situation with the uncertainty and tell that to her or let her go because I might not be able to keep her happy lifestyle wise. Is doing an istikhara valid in this situation. please help this has me stressing so bad.