Seeking guidance, advice and recommendations

Assalaamu �laykum

Dear fellow Muslims,

Thank you very much for allowing me on the forum. My name is J. and am 38 years young, I converted to Islam in the end of 2014, I experienced a troublesome marriage and am currently in the divorce process. I fell in Love with a very nice person, a great Muslima from North African descent and born and raised in France. She provided a welcoming and very peaceful home where we both resided. Has the same strong family, loyalty and support values I admire and thought I had as well. She and I came to the discovery (with assistance from our Imam) that black magic was performed on me, most likely by my estranged wife to keep me with her and maybe even some former employees/coworkers. There were things happening that were not normal, nor explainable. With the help of our Imam, they performed Ruqyah on me which as of today is still going on due to certain guidance I have received from the Mosque. In the beginning the Ruqyah was very difficult, made me cry loudly, made me sick, I have experienced lots of health issues, continuous diarrhea, vomiting, ulcers, broken bones, skin infections, high blood glucose, high and abnormal blood values, etc. etc. etc.

During the time I became closer her, I felt so in Love, however during our time together I have made serious mistakes and lied to her for no specific reason or not always disclosed certain difficulties I was facing. She has been nothing but good to me, if it was not for her, I would have never discovered what was going on, I owe her a lot as well as I owe my life to Allah and seeking for forgiveness for all the bad I have done. My girlfriend is however very outspoken and sometimes that has caused extreme uncertainty in me. I really felt she was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Then in the final months of 2014 my mom became seriously ill, I had to travel oversees to see her twice and support her, my mother was also very adamant to fix the relation with my estranged wife, then in January she was taken into the Hospital again, and was unconscious she remained in the ICU for a few days and was then moved to a normal room, all this time the Doctors had no idea what was wrong with her and what made her feel like this. When my mother was able to talk again, I spoke to her and she asked me to please go my previous home, I did and tried to make things better with my estranged wife, to attend to my mothers wishes and hopes for her to become better. I spend a very short time with her, in which she became pregnant, we then separated again, I signed the house and some other things over into her name, as I wanted to start with a clean slate and tried to make things work between my girlfriend and I, I refrained from telling her what happened until better times came around for us. She read some emails where I talk friendly with my wife and found out she is pregnant. I did always wanted to divorce on amicable terms as I have a son as well, which I have not seen much due to all these issues going on.

I am looking for guidance on how to become a better Muslim and person, I want to be the best I can be. I did the Shahada, got circumcised, lost my son and wife and nearly my business and am still deeply in Love with my Girlfriend. She often made derogatory remarks towards me, which I deserved but they hurt, she said that I became a Muslim was a lie and that I used that against her, this is absolutely not true. I want nothing but the best for her and be with her indefinitely. I have lied and that is inexcusable. I have been learning about Islam on the forums and Internet and that has caused some difficulties between us too, I have been praying three times daily, makee duah eat halal, I am still in the beginning phases of my learning experiences, have ordered a Qu'ran and promised myself that I will read it and learn about Islam. I am not looking for any excuses but need some guidance how to become a better person towards Allah and mainly to her and the people around me.

I apologize for using the letter 'I' many times in this letter, it is not about me it is more so about her and how we can fix our relationship for the better.

Thank you very much for your time and reading this article, I am welcoming all responses and advices. Need help.

Hasbi Allah

Edited by Jdl1976 - 30 April 2015 at 8:13am

Salam,