Drawn to Islam but afraid to commit

Hello all, First I want to say thank you all in advance for helping me out. =) This is something I have been struggling with for some time. , but I am absolutely, 100% terrified of conversion. I don't fully know why. I suppose it's a fear of commitment and the fear that some days I wont be able/willing to adhere to the rules. I am also afraid of what my family, namely my husband, would think. He absolutely refuses to go out in public with me while I'm in hijab during my experiment. He truly hates it, for fear of discrimination. It's not the religion he has an issue with, just the hijab. I guess I can't fully explain my fears about total conversion. They just are, if that makes sense.

Hello Lalli,

Makes perfect sense.

Religion, like so many other things has a major impact on peoples' lives.. especially if they are practicing adherents  [if thats a word]... So naturally you would be very careful about such a major change. You would think, re-think, evaluate your decision..  that's good, normal, that's how we evolved..

Even if you look at it from a non-religious point of view.. Change is difficult, natural tendency is for humans to look at change as 'bad'. Thats what we learnt in a purely business course 'Managing Change'.

This is when we need to calm our nerves and think rationally and weigh our decision.

Why do you want to convert? How would you feel if you didn't convert and ignored your inclinations? Do you have internal misgivings, or your external environment is scaring you?

Things like that...

Also, you don't have to immediately break the news to your loved ones. You can take your time with that. It will allow you to figure out relationships as a muslim, without the external pressure. And you converted the moment you believed in Allah and His message - that is the beauty of Islam. Its all about a change of the heart... verbal declarations are important, but secondary to the heart and intention.

I feel it's wrong to just pick and chose which things to follow and which to ignore, and I certainly wouldn't make the commitment with the intention of picking and choosing which rules to obey. But is it wrong to study Islam and try to live in a way as close to what it teaches as possible without the conversion, knowing that at this point I can't totally commit? I understand that one cannot receive the full blessings of any religion without total adherence, but do you think it is an offense to God to do this?

A lot of 'converts' ask this actually... you are not alone.

Your intention is correct Lalli, that one should enter the folds of Islam wholeheartedly and not pick & choose. But we should also try to identify our emotions. Maybe it is Shaitan telling you that oh you can't be perfect, so don't even try!

Silly example, lol.. but I often end up not going to the gym because the whole routine just mentally exhausts me, and I say - oh come on Chrysalis! Its not like you are going to be regular, just forget about it. And I end up not going at all... ever... for months...

So don't worry about that! Take baby steps, but take the steps. No matter how small, how tiny - make the effort. So maybe you find hijab difficult, fine... probably prayers will seem tough, etc etc. But don't let that scare you..  God-Willing in time you shall improve. Nobody is a perfect muslim. We all try. Its the effort and intention that counts the most..

Believing in Allah and His message and being a 'weak muslim' is still better than being an unbeliever...

So don't worry about not being able to practice everything fully the moment you become muslim, it shall be a gradual process inshAllah, and over time you shall improve. Its possible one may stumble now and then, but we keep trying!

What you can do is hold off on a 'public conversion/ shahadah'. And practise Islam privately - for as long as you think you are not ready to face the public.

Who knows, perhaps through study and with time I will be led to convert at Gods pace? Thank you for your help. I feel a bit tortured by this. Lalli

Its all about the heart Sis! You don't have to feel like anybody is forcing you to convert - but you should also not let your reservations stop you...

Allah / God is very Merciful, and Loving.. and He helps those who turn to Him and beseech Him for help! So grow close to God, build a relationship with Him and ask Him for help. Once you feel you have that connection with Him, things will be much easier inshAllah.

And relax sister, don't let thoughts like that torture you. Be calm and rational! A spiritual change should lighten your heart, and beautify your life :-)




Edited by Chrysalis - 01 September 2011 at 5:55pm

Thank you, Thank you Chrysalis!

You always seem to have wonderful advice =) Ironically, as a woman, hijab is the least of my worries! So far with my limited experience wearing it, I absolutely love it, though I'm sure now and then it would be a challenge. I suppose I will just take a deep breath and take it one step at a time.

Thank you again!
Lalli