Is it ok if i abandon my feeling and let him go

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   assalamu alaykum ..... im married for two years now and have a baby alhmdlh and my husband married me for benefits i feel sorry for myslef i would have really liked to marry man who would love me only unconditional we live together get old together and well later eventually die but well alhmdlh i now know we were created to worship Allah and that a man is allowed to have four wives this is something i accept but am to weak to bare but there is no use living on hope or dreams which will eventually never happen and obviously it hasnt happen before so why would it happen later so ive been thinking to seperate from my husband since we dont love each other anyway and well will not ever since he married me for benefits and he keeps telling your not what i wanted (my looks,my length,what i am,where i come from,my origin) so yah i feel sad but have accepted so ive been thinking alot and wish to seperate from my husband next year inshlh and give him permission to take other wives on one condition he shouldnt let me know about it infact once we seperate i dont want to be a part of his life dont wana know where he is what his doing  i just dont want it to be my bussiness i feel this man has chosen the wrong girl for himself and regrets it because like he said i am not what he wanted ok so now i have to deal with it with his mistake which was marrying me like my feelings just have to be bombed up ok ,is this ok? do i have to make istikhaarah for this? is it allowed to do this? i mean instead of hearing him all the time telling me while we are out or when we watch tv he says like wow now thats beauty or she has a nice body or before we have sex he says i saw a beautiful women today thats why i came to you to protect myself can i like make this real for him like give him the opportunity to actually marry such beautiful women with beautiful bodies? because obviously i dont have that but inshlh in jannah i willi mean im not special to him in anyway or his source of protection against zina i mean alot of men have beautiful wives with beautiful bodies but still do zina so i mean to him im not that beautiful so why cant he just go out there and find what he wants and stop making me feel ugly or bad because to me im pretty infact a rare beauty who if not can be appreciated well would love to rather be thrown away .... i dont have a valid excuse for a divorce so i dont wana not enter jannah for a divorce i force without a valid reason so i will sacrifice all my feelings for jannah is this ok? am i normal?

Edited by haniyyya - 07 April 2011 at 12:12pm

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haniyyya Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Female Joined: 06 April 2011 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 9	Post Options Post Reply Quote haniyyya Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Is it ok if i abandon my feeling and let him go Posted: 06 April 2011 at 11:56pm
	assalamu alaykum ..... im married for two years now and have a baby alhmdlh and my husband married me for benefits i feel sorry for myslef i would have really liked to marry man who would love me only unconditional we live together get old together and well later eventually die but well alhmdlh i now know we were created to worship Allah and that a man is allowed to have four wives this is something i accept but am to weak to bare but there is no use living on hope or dreams which will eventually never happen and obviously it hasnt happen before so why would it happen later so ive been thinking to seperate from my husband since we dont love each other anyway and well will not ever since he married me for benefits and he keeps telling your not what i wanted (my looks,my length,what i am,where i come from,my origin) so yah i feel sad but have accepted so ive been thinking alot and wish to seperate from my husband next year inshlh and give him permission to take other wives on one condition he shouldnt let me know about it infact once we seperate i dont want to be a part of his life dont wana know where he is what his doing i just dont want it to be my bussiness i feel this man has chosen the wrong girl for himself and regrets it because like he said i am not what he wanted ok so now i have to deal with it with his mistake which was marrying me like my feelings just have to be bombed up ok ,is this ok? do i have to make istikhaarah for this? is it allowed to do this? i mean instead of hearing him all the time telling me while we are out or when we watch tv he says like wow now thats beauty or she has a nice body or before we have sex he says i saw a beautiful women today thats why i came to you to protect myself can i like make this real for him like give him the opportunity to actually marry such beautiful women with beautiful bodies? because obviously i dont have that but inshlh in jannah i willi mean im not special to him in anyway or his source of protection against zina i mean alot of men have beautiful wives with beautiful bodies but still do zina so i mean to him im not that beautiful so why cant he just go out there and find what he wants and stop making me feel ugly or bad because to me im pretty infact a rare beauty who if not can be appreciated well would love to rather be thrown away .... i dont have a valid excuse for a divorce so i dont wana not enter jannah for a divorce i force without a valid reason so i will sacrifice all my feelings for jannah is this ok? am i normal? Edited by haniyyya - 07 April 2011 at 12:12pm

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 April 2011 at 3:54am
	Asalaam Alaikum, I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. There are many valid reasons for divorce sister. Divorce does not mean that you cannot go to Jannah.. I am sure some of the other more scholarly sisters can tell you about people who divorced in the time of the Sahaba who were not compatible. Your husband is treating you poorly. But you need to stand up for Yourself and tell him this hurts you. Yes he may "Think" this way but it is extremely cruel to speak it over and over again to your wife. We should not be cruel to anyone, let alone family members. Sister in the best time and place you need to let him know about it. If you let him talk to you this way he will. There is nothing that says we women are complete doormats and take this. This is mental cruelty. My Duas for you.. Edited by Hayfa - 07 April 2011 at 3:56am
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 April 2011 at 6:39pm
	".....my husband married me for benefits.." What does this mean?

haniyyya Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Female Joined: 06 April 2011 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 9	Post Options Post Reply Quote haniyyya Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 April 2011 at 12:22am
	it means for the green card meaning papers to stay in my country coz its good for bussiness and his country isnt and for sex